I want to write, but I am at a loss of words!

God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle, the things He gives you make you stronger. I can handle a lot, but just not sure how much more I can take.

When does your cracking point kick in? Do we have a cracking point or are we made to take and take and take…more more…How do you judge when enough is enough?

Is it that when God sees you  overwhelmed, he releases the more more and gives you a break?  I am not going to lie, I could use a huge break, but I am not sure my sweet husband can handle a break. At least over the next few weeks. We have to get the house ready for him to come home.

For the next six weeks, he will be on IV antibiotics and then oral antibiotics the rest of his life. A physical therapist will work on his strength at home, but I am still terrified. His lungs are filling up with fluid again, even sleeping with a bi-pap machine on. He is off oxygen all together, but I’m scared.I want to be able to care for him properly at home.

I was the one that couldn’t tell he was sick. He started showing signs of not feeling well, but refused to admit something was wrong and would not go to the doctor. I feel guilty that I didn’t push, now his cardiologist can’t give me a good answer about how much time he has. I can tell he is stressing over it, but he won’t talk to me. I have him scheduled with his psychiatrist at the first of the month. Surely home will be our new location by then.

I ask that everyone help me pray for grace, strength and mercy. Maybe with enough Faith added to the list, Barry and I will survive. Forgive my ramblings today, I am still am emotional disaster.

17 thoughts on “I want to write, but I am at a loss of words!

  1. Jill, you know I am praying for Barry and you both.
    Distraction: I love your favorite photos slideshow, by the way. What a cute idea.
    Many hugs xoxxo.
    luanne

  2. Jill, my prayers are with you and Barry. Even though you may feel you are at the breaking point, I know from these past few months that God is with you. Let us carry you and Barry through our prayers as you take care of Barry and your own health. Please email me if you need an extra shoulder. Your friend in Christ ~ Patty

    • Patty, you are such a good friend. Thank you for the prayers and support. You have given me a little strength through your comments. I will email you. He is home an ha a horrible first day home, but things are looking up. He getd a little better every dsy. Brought a hospital bed in to see if we can get him sleeping more upright. It appears to help. One day at a time. Hopefully eith this redt he’ll ferl better today. Thanks again! Your frienf in Christ! Jill

  3. Hi Jill,

    I am so sorry about everything you guys are going through!!! Please keep being strong!!! You both our in my thoughts & prayers!!! I wish you both a quick recovery!

    Best Wishes, Heather Baldt

    Sent from my iPhone

  4. I have something very sad too going on with a friend of mine and it is overwhelming. I will give you the advice I give her.” Only look at today, because we can always get through today”
    Best wishes. At least he is still with you and you too are holding up so you can be together.

    • Tric,
      Taking things a day at a time everyday.only way I know how to handle stress. I’m just a bit overwhelmed. Thank you for your kind words. Wishing you the best with your difficult time.
      Jill B.

      • Just imagining all you are going through is overwhelming so I think you are doing brilliantly. Thank you for your kind thoughts for my friend.

      • Tric,
        You are sweet to say so, but I sm far from handling this brilliantly. I constantly make mistakes. He’s snappy, I snap back. I have to figure out how to work things out. Thanks for your support.
        jill

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