Jill was with me when I saw my Cardiologist “Dr. B” a couple of weeks ago, and he said the echo looked good and in his words “you are cured”, I praise God for that comment. As God is the only reason I am alive today. He also said that doctors get what they call a “save” maybe once every seven to ten years, he considers me as one of those statistics. Well I was so tickled that all the surgical repairs have held up, “Dr.B” also mentioned that there was a time that the Doctors did not know what to do.
Barry and I were dating, marriage had not been thought about yet, when he got the news that his mother was sick and his step’father neefed our help. It was the first time his stepfather had ever called with any issue concerning his mother.
He had been taking her to a doctor, home health had been ordered and the things they needed him to do at home, he was unable to accomplish. He was asking for help, unsure of what to do himself. Barry and I made a few phone calls and scheduled a few doctors appointments, then headed to Calhoun to check her health status out for ourselves.
One toe on her left foot had turned totally black. The orders the home health agency had was to soak the foot two times daily and apply an ointment and dressing to the toe. The physician had started her on medications for the problem.
Two days later, Barry and I took the two of them to the doctor ourselves and talked to the doctors ourselves. Her diabetes was out of control and she was about to lose that toe. He tweaked her medications a little and sent us home.
The next day, the home health nurse called my cell phone looking for Barry. She felt her health status had changed drastically and was calling an ambulance to send her to the hospital. I immediately called Barry and we headed to Calhoun.
Her kidney doctor did a test that let us know her kidney’s were failing and it would not be long.
While in the hospital, I was talking to his mom and told her that she had to get better. She asked why? I told her that son of her’s was eventually going to ask me to marry him and she would have a wedding to attend. I had to lean in to hear her, but she said, “Do not worry, I’ll be there”! At our wedding, Barry sat two chairs off to themselves for his parents. It was so sweet!
We spent the next three nights sharing a cot by his mother’s hospital bed. We decided to head home to shower and change clothes. Home was a two hour ride. Of course, the minute we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. She had passed away a few minutes prior to the call.
We let James know, we would be back early in the morning, showered and headed to bed. We were exhausted. We had plans to make.
The next day, we called to see about checking Frank out of school to get to the funeral. He took the news hard. His mother was unable to pick him up, but my dad was kind enough to drive me down to pick him up. It was a two day trip, we stayed the night in a hotel and headed back to Calhoun the next morning. Frank’s school was on the Georgia coast and Calhoun almost in Tennessee.
The funeral viewing had begun when we arrived. I have to admit I was a little angry with Barry’s ex-wife when we arrived. She could not make the trip to pick her son up for the funeral, but she could rent a hotel room and head to his mother’s house to start picking out what she wanted and driving poor Barry into a nervous frenzy. My aging father took the time to help me accomplish that task and she never said as much as a “thank you”.
I calmed Barry and got serious about circulating. Ignoring the cause os his nerve overload. Ms. Eva had a wonderful turnout. The mortician had done a beautiful job. The church service was well-done. Frank’s tearful memories were my undoing.
At the graveside service, the flowers were beautiful. As everyone was leaving the service to head back for lunch at the church. Barry, Frank, and I stayed back to take a few photos and take time for our good-byes.
Just as I said, “Ms. Eva, don’t worry, I’ll take care of your boys!” At that very moment, a rose fell off the casket in front of Barry and Frank and landed at their feet. We all froze and looked at one another. We still have those roses in a bible today!
As I walked down the hallway, toward Ms. Mater’s room, the air was filled with laughter. I knocked on the door four times before someone heard me. I was instructed to “come in”. I looked around the room as I walked in. The room was full of resident’s of the home, as well as employees. Ms. Mater was the center of attention. I was about to discover that she loved every minute.
Ms. Mater had suffered a debilatating stroke and upon discharge from rehabilitation, she was scheduled to move into our building. All of this was a preliminary arrangement, based on the results of the assessment I was about to go through with her. Procedure, procedure, procedure…….
I introduced myself and asked a staffmember to assist with the other resident’s; I needed Ms. Mater to myself to complete the assessment.
Once alone with my new friend, she started cracking jokes. This sweet, little, gray-haired lady was hilarious! She had me about to wet myself within seconds. Within minutes we were fast friends. A friendship that continues today. Even though she can’t hear me, we speak several times monthly and we visit when in the area. Neither of us gets out like we used to, but we enjoy life.
Ms. Mater elegantly answered my questions and performed the tasks I asked of her, without complaint and to the best of her current abilities. She made no excuses for her defeciencies, she joked them off. As we worked, she told me stories of her childhood. She claimed to have grown up being called “The Ugly Duckling”
I just could not see it, she had such a timeless beauty. She said she grew up on her farm, the oldest of three girls. She was born with a headful of flaming red curls and as each of her sisters were born, they had Strawberry blonde curls. She said she was furious, until they grew up and she was prettier than both of them. From what I heard, she did not mind sharing that fact at all.
The only clue she was ever a red-head, was the red tint in her silver hair. It almost appeared to be blonde or light brown. She never left her room without being immaculately dressed, with makeup and lipstick perfect.
She had a set weekly appointment with beautician. I was sworn to secrecy over how she keeps her hair in place at night. It is actually a little funny. She doesn’t know it, but I have a photo of her sleeping in her get-up.
Ms. Mater was crazy about my now husband. She repeatedly told me that if she were twenty years younger, she’d take Barry away from me. I wouldn’t put it past her to at least try. Ms. Mater always said she loved me due to my “smart-…” attitude. I’d just say “back at you”and keep going.
When I need to cheer myself or need a little giggle, I think of Ms. Mater. It always makes me smile. I can see her sitting in my office chair, telling everything I need to get done “around here”. Cheers me right up! I’ll usually give her a call later that evening. I miss having her around!
This is reblogged from earlier this last month. The part about Barry, my husband is new. The Two Important Fathers in my Life! All fathers are important, these are just the two big guys in my life.
I speak a lot about my mother and the rest of my family, while Pop sits quietly in the background. He has always been quiet, but he is always there. Ready when you need him. He gives great hugs!
My mom and Pop divorced over 20 years ago. Daddy was head over heels in love with mom, but she just could not be happy. I’m not sure mom knows how to be happy.
Pop is a sweet, sensitive man that likes to stay busy. His body is breaking down and he still wants to go. My sisters and I just want uim to take a little better care of himself in the process.
Growing up, Pop would be gone when we got up in the mornings and did not get home until we were in bed asleep. He made sure we spent time together on the weekends. We picniced and went fishing a lot. I still love it today.
He and mom planted a garden yearly. Our punishment during the summer month was weeding the garden.
Each one of us does some form of gardening today.
With Pop working so much, I wasn’t sure how he felt about us or if he knew we were alive. It was my childish mind not understanding, he was out working his hiney off, so that we could live the life we were living. We vacationed 2 weeks at the beach every summer, when I wanted knew clothes all I did was ask.
I can remember the first time my daddy told me he thought I was pretty. I was ready to go to a dance, all dressed up in my 80’s garb. Homecoming dance, I think. Pop came in from work early. He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. Then said, “I think I just realized how pretty you are. Have great time tonight, honey.” I had to redo my makeup. But it is a moment with my daddy, I’ll always remember.
HAPPY FATHER’ S DAY, POP! You are the best!
Now to my sweet husband. He is a father. He has a son from his first marriage. When Barry and I met, Frank was in High School. When we married, Frank was not happy and has not made life easy for himself or us, including his own mother.
It didn’t matter what I attempted to do, Frank decided long ago he did not want me as part of his life and did everything possible to get rid of me. It has been his choice to not be part of our lives. I feel horrible, if it is my fault. But it has been his choices and actions that has gotten us to where we are today. I truly wish something could be done. Barry and I pray for him nightly! Hopefully as he grows up a little more, things will change. Both Barry and he deserve better!
Barry is warm, caring, giving, highly-intelligent and loving man. Frank’s mom suffered from health issues after his birth, so Barry was in charge of 90% of the raising. Most of us are either a lot like our mother or father. Frank looks just like his father, but has his mother’s personality. That is as far as I go on this topic.
I do not know what words to say, to make this day easier.
HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, HONEY! You are the best!
Love you guys, Jill Baynes, your daughter, Jill and Barry, your wife, Jill (in case you forgot my name)
Happy Birthday, Honey! May all you dreams come true!
Jill and Barry Baynes
Loss comes in many forms, when you least expect it.
It can mean anything from a loved one to body process, like speech. Loss hurts.
My brain tumor has left my voice weak and I have a lot of trouble speaking. When I have something to say, I feel like I am pushing words out and I can be loud. I cannot help it. I truly cannot help it, nothing hurts more than having people talk over you.
One thing I have learned since becoming disabled, is people are rude. No one has respect for anyone. What has happened to civility?
People do not listen if you have a speech impediment. They automatically discount you as a person, the minute they realize you have a problem. They take what they think you are saying and go with that, even when they have it totally wrong.
It hurts worse when it is those close to you. The pain is worse when someone you love cuts you off mid-sentence without attempting to hear what you have to say. I actually fired someone for insubordinance when they made fun of my voice. It was at a time when Intruly needed the help, but I wasn’t putting up with that type of behavior.
I feel childish complaining. Barry had a stroke in 2011 and mom is in the beginning stages of dementia. In a house full of brain injuries and so many losses, do I have the right to be upset? When I need help with a phone call, should I be given flack or help with a call?
I am becoming used to being disabled, but this part is getting worse and I am struggling with how to handle my home situation!
We live a quiet life at home, not a lot of noise. Noise bothers all of us.
I’m 47 yesrs olf living like a 80 year old. Maybe it will help down the road.
Jill and Barry Baynes
Mommy, it’s your Happy day!
I plan to take this a different way. Motherhood is a previous gift from God. Anyone lucky enough to be blessed with such a privilege, should cherish every moment they are given. Growing up, the only things I wanted to do was fall in love and have a houseful of children. My first husband and I tried for years. We both suffered through 5 miscarriages and a physician told that us if we wanted children, we needed different spouses. Fortunately, our inability to have children was not the reason our marriage failed.
With a pregnancy, you start making plans, look forward to the future and then you realize the pregnancy is failing. It breaks your heart. After the fifth miscarriage, your heart feels like a dried up lump of clay. There is no way to describe the agony your body goes through mentally and physically. A miscarriage is a horrible thing to live through. Accepting that it doesn’t seem to be in the Good Lord‘s plan for you to become a mother or father is intense, but as Christians our pregnancies are in the hands of the Lord. Our lives are part of God’s plan. He has a plan for us all. It is not our place to question that plan. Even though it is in the Lord’s Plan, you still go through a period of regret and doubting. It is not easy to hand everything over to the Lord without some grieving. You get past the emotions and find the strength to give it over to God and get on with your life. You do a lot of praying. Asking for Grace and Strength to get through the misery. You do get through it! I did it five times and lived. So did my ex-husband. He has remarried and has a son.
I , also, have remarried. I managed to find my place in this world. I met my soul mate in 2001. We were married three years later. I love him more everyday. I don’t know what I would do without him. He makes me want to be a better person. We have both done things that neither of us ever thought we would do. I made an attempt at being a step-mother ( I gave up when my step-son made it clear, he wanted nothing to do with me). Barry is learning to love my mother.
Her health was failing and she did not need to be living in the situation she was, so we packed her up and moved her in with us. The situation is actually working. I did not think it would. As mom ages, she is learning the art of compromise. It has tickled her pink, to have Barry start calling her “Mom“.
Barry put’s on a Mother’s Day show every year. He says “I was a wonderful mother. ” When Barry and I married, we discussed children. He asked if I was okay with not having a child. He said he was ready to focus on home and retiring. I was good with that. Our health issues haven’t allowed us to do everything we wanted, but we still enjoy each and everyday. We now have a beloved family pet boxer, named Maggie. She thinks she is human. In a sense, I’m mothering our family pooch.
Barry’s mom passed away a few months before he proposed. I was lucky enough to spend a little time with her. She was a sweet, wonderful woman. I know where her son gets it from.We did agree on one thing. We started to make the same statement at the same time once. That statement was, “He sure does have the best-looking legs around!” She turned and looked at me oddly and said, “I knew I liked you!” When Barry got in the car to find us giggling, he wanted to know if he should be worried. His mom looked at me and smiled. We didn’t say a word. Barry started the car and headed to the restaurant.
My mom is a character. I told Barry stories before he met her. He later told me it found my stories hard to believe, until mom started letting the true Betty out in front of him. Mom is a doll and a beautiful woman. She is the perfect work the room character. As long as things are going her way, she is fine. I love her to pieces and look like I could be her twin. I will do anything in the world for her, when I can. Mom living with us has been great. I’m getting to know mom better than I ever have.
Her health is declining and I am trying to help her deal with or understand the changes her body is going through. She is actually listening to me and learning about her illness. Telling my mother the truth about things she does Isn’t easy. I’m getting better at it and she is taking it better. She has not taken my illness well. I’ve had to ask her to change certain behaviors to help me deal with my health.
My sister’s and I got our families together and took her out for lunch on Mother’s Day. Barry and I treated her to a new haircut. She really looks great. Sandy has taken her on a trip to North Carolina; to see her grandson graduate from college.I hope she is enjoying herself. She deserve’ it. She is my mom’s.
Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling fine. I had a banana and sat down with a cup of hot decaf to walk my voice up. Barry was going to the hospital for blood work and bringing breakfast home with him. I crawled up in my favorite chair and got comfy under a blanket. While waiting for Bear to get home, I started to feel horrible. I got up, went back to bed and crawled under all the covers.
Bear got home and pulled the thermometer out. Other than feeling like a truck had run me over, I felt good. My temperature was headed over 100° at that time. I was a bit dizzy and nauseated, but just extremely cold. I stayed folded up in the covers and rested. My temperature slowly climbed to 102°.
Barry called the breast surgeon‘s office and spoke with the nurse practitioner. She suggested I be seen by a doctor. My family doctor was closer than the breast center, so we called Dr. R.. She saw me at 3:30pm. After a bit of a work-up, she decided it was the incision under my arm. She sent me on my way with orders to rest, take my antibiotics, drink lots of fluids and see breast surgeon as soon as possible.
My private nurse, Barry, is watching me like a hawk. We saw the breast surgeon today. They agreed with my PCP on the diagnosis. They took a good look at the incision; pulled a loose suture out and the pain under my arm went immediately away. I was instructed to use the arm as much as possible, to avoid further fluid build-up. Of course, I was told not to over-do it. More drinking was encouraged and I’m to get the fever gone before my next surgery on the 28th. They want to get my margins clean and me free of breast cancer. I’m ready to be still for a bit. My running legs are getting tired. My chauffeur is starting to show a little wear. I can’t drive at the moment. My poor Bear catching all the driving duties.