Ode to my Lost Hormones

A breast cancer diagnosis, brought questions flooding in,

After the process was explained, one tiny question remained,

scores of specialist could not answer, I was scared silly of what was to come.


They called me “Lucky”, to have the tumor caught so early,

The treatments that followed were easy to get through,

Thanks to my cousin, Cindy, for sharing her secrets of survival,

What could have been unbearable, became tolerable,

Thanks for the info cuz, it was much appreciated.


Once the lumpectomy was over and the chemo began,

I found myself awestruck of the millions that have gone before me!

all  of the fight, strength, love and passion that has gone before me,

I persevere to continue the fight!


Thank you, Ladies for the inspiration to keep going.

I am a survivor, I refused to let this bring me down.

My chemo was coming to an end and I knew radiation was the next step,


Little did I know my journey was just beginning.

My sweetheart became seriously ill and needed immediate surgery to survive,

The same night my father went home to be with the Lord. As Barry slept, I told him to be strong,

I knew he was a survivor, Several family members and our Pastor helped me through the hard parts.


Life started to calm and a routine began, while Barry was being cared for at the hospital,

I left daily for my radiation treatments and returned just before supper.

Our Jeep had to be on auto-pilot to get me, from the hospital and back daily.


Once the oncologist suggested we turn my ovaries off,

first thing I pictured was a little switch that needed to be turned on each ovary, she had other things

in mind, once I knew my options,


I took the injection until I could schedule the surgery needed,

I knew the minute I woke from surgery, that my Doctor had been successful.

My first official hot flash was in the recovery room! 


The Estrogen and other things produced by my ovaries are now gone, the surgeon had a wee surprise for me,

Soy can mimic Estrogen in the body, soooooooooo…..no over the counter remedies for me!

Now the brown spots, the “hot and cold” flashes and mood swings were just around the corner,

On March 28, 2014, I was thrown face first into MENOPAUSE!



The doctor has decided that my left knee needs replacing. At the moment my left leg is swollen from the ankle up to my hip. I look like I have a cankle. Since my brain tumor surgery, I haven’t been light on my feet.

The falls I have taken, since brain surgery really screwed up my balance, ha done a job on my left knee. I’ve been incredibly lucky and only ended up in the emergency room one time. I had forgotten how bad getting stitches hurts! But all the falling has taken care of any useful cartilage in my knee.

With the breast cancer, I’m still waiting to hear which treatments I will be getting. So, I am sure knee surgery is going to have to wait until after my treatments. I’m making a list of questions, for both doctors, I need to add that to both list.

This is crazy, I’m putting my health issues in a que to be handled in order of importance. Cowden Syndrome strikes again!

Wednesday afternoon, I am having a cyst removed from my right wrist. I’ve had wear a cast a few times when the cyst was enlarged. Apparently to get it to stop, it needs removing. My right hand is my only good hand. I need to keep it in shape as long as possible. I’m not looking forward to a cast or brace again, but I’m a tough cookie. I can handle it! Wish me luck!

Update: Jill

Jill is doing well. Surgery started late and took longer than anticipated. Now we wait 7-10 days for pathology report. We finally got her home. I got her settled in her chair, all doped up and sleeping. Now  I.m gonna figure dinner out and sit myself down soon! Thank you all for your prayers and support. Jill truly enjoys blogging and enjoys all of you!

Thank you,

Barry Baynes


Cowden Syndrome rearing it’s ugly head

Barry is the most patient human being on earth. Either, God is giving him strength or he is hiding his fear really well. We are currently waiting to see a doctor for results of an abdominal/pelvic MRI.

During my renal ultrasound, they discovered something on my liver. The doctor’s answer was it is just an incidental finding, we’ll get an MRI to check it out. He thought he was easing my anxiety.Nope….just made it worse….why don’t they get that?

If they were honest enough to just say it could be this or this…..why not do more test to rule it out…..would have made me feel better……but since when is the patient supposed to feel good after seeing a doctor?

Other than that, even though the breast biopsy was negative. They are still investigating the cause of the problem. Another MRI this weekend and appointments all next week to get results and such.

My body is acting crazy and I can’t get a return call from a doctor to save my life. I am also experiencing a new symptom of cowden syndrome, that no one wants to help me with. These doctors wonder why people get depressed. I have a rare genetic disorder that actually scares the doctors treating me.

Barry is being a supportive dream. I am a fussy mess, he just tells me to relax and go sit down. I love that man.

I’m doing the paperwork to join the study at the Cleveland Clinic. Not sure it will do me a bit of good, but maybe it will help someone else dealing with this mess.

I need to go for now, have a few contacts to make. I think I have diverticulitis again. I have to call my doctor. I need to do paperwork for myself and mom. Have a great day everyone.

Barry and I didn’t know how to act yesterday. We saw a movie and had lunch out without dealing with a doctor’s office.


I Wanna Run Away!

Please, someone tell me when it is okay to run away. I’m not sure how much more I can take before I crack. 

I live the “Life of Riley“. Honestly, I not sure what that means. Was it a TV show? Radio show? Cartoon? I’m going to look it up. The situations I’ve heard it used in usually involved someone having it made; not in need of anything; someone spoiled rotten. All of the above, at times, can describe my life.

I live in a beautiful home with the perfect husband and family pets. We have one boxer and one fish. One step-son that keeps his distance.

My husband and I are raising my mother. It can be a challenge at times. But we make it.

We are far from well off or rich, but we are comfy. A lot of people today can’t say that. It really hurts Barry and I to see others struggle. We help when we can, but keeping up with medical bills will eat you alive. 

Since 2009, Barry and I have run from doctor to doctor trying to figure my illness out. It is starting to feel like a waste of time. Every time I see a physician, something else is wrong.

Is this a never-ending battle? Is all the running around doing a bit of good? I guess I’m a little tired of being sick. I feel like my life is falling apart and I’m not sure what to do.

That doctor, last week, really threw me for a loop. Just uttering those 2 little words has my head in the toilet.

It was like the day the doctor told me about the brain tumor. “Oh by the way, you have a brain tumor.” That is how he told me. He added a few other things to it, but that was enough to shatter my world. My head was in a spin then, and it is spinning like a top now.

I’m not going to do anything stupid. God has kept me around for s reason. I have too much life left to live to do anything stupid, I’m just trying to write this down to see if it will shake me out of this funk.

I should be sleeping . Big birthday party tomorrow. Going to be a long day, I need my rest. Barry is snoring in the chair next to me as I type. Maggie is snoring on the couch. Maybe I should follow suit and go to sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning. 

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I’m trying to turn mine around. Be sweet!

My New Least Favorite Words on Earth: Incidental Findings

Dr. M, my now urologist, seems like a very good doctor with a great personality/bedside manner. My appointment today went great. The kidney ultrasound is good, with one little issue to follow. Otherwise Dr. M. says my kidney’s are beautiful. Awwww, how sweet. They better be! About the only organ I have left that functions correctly.

What gets me about Cowdens Syndrome is the unknown. Today, I’m told I actually have an organ that is functioning properly, but we need to watch this “one” little spot. We want to make sure it isn’t something forming that shouldn’t be where it is. So, my roller coaster of doctors continues.

On top of the little spot that needs watching on the right kidney. It appears there is an incidental finding on my liver. He would  like to schedule an MRI, to get a better look. So, more tests, more waiting and more unknowns.

I feel like I am fussing about what is going on in my body. I truly believe that Jesus died to save us from our sins. I believe that the Good Lord has a plan for us and we shouldn’t question that plan. My life is in his hands and I am not exactly how to hand my troubles over to the Lord and not worry.

After my appointment today, I wasn’t what I would call questioning things, but I was so frustrated with the news that it brought me to tears. When I got to a private place, I asked the Lord for the grace and strength I need to make it through all of this news. My fears eased.

It is just so incredibly hard to deal with all of this. Today, I felt like the robot from “Lost in Space“.Turning in circles, arms flopping, thinking, “fix me Will Robinson, fix me!” If it were only that easy.


Monday Jitters

Give, it to God, Jill.  Don’t let all of these crazy things worry you. Take one day at a time and one appointment at a time. That is all you can do, do not over think what is going on next week and let God work in your life. He is the one with the plan for your life. Let him work it. Be strong for yourself, Barry and you family. It is inside of you. Be strong. No matter what the outcome, be strong. She your strength in your actions. Barry needs to know you are OK and tough. Be strong for him. Be encouraging for Barry. He needs to see your strength.

Please forgive my nervous outbreak. A lot going on next week that I am not sure I’m prepared to deal with. But I’m in God’s hands and he’ll take care of me. I’m more worried about Barry than myself. Hospitals make him nervous, especially Emory, since the stroke. I’m sure it will all work out. Monday is the key. Just take it one day at a time. 


Double Whammy…you have to love doctors!!!

While at a checkup with the Allergist today, I received a phone call from the genetics counselor assigned to me. She had received the results of my genetics test. I apparently do have the rare genetic disorder all the doctors have been avoiding discussing with me. So I am one in 250,000 people in the United States blessed with this genetic nightmare.

Even though one sweet doctor had taken it upon himself to tell me that I could be considered diagnosed with the disease because of my medical history; I felt like a rock had been dropped in my lap. Reality smacked me in the face and now I had to discuss this with my family and get them to be tested. I hate being like this.

I would never wish this on my worst enemy, I certainly do not need to worry about my sisters, nieces and nephews having to deal with this. What about their children? This is just so much to deal with. I was coping fine, until I knew for sure. Now…I need to pray on this…



Yearly Thyroid Ultasound: HAPPY DANCE!!!

I got the all clear after my ultrasound today. They thought I had an active lymph node in my neck, but I have been given a clean bill of health any thyroid cancer or lymph node issues for the moment. A big thank you to the good Lord above and to everyone on here for the courage and support you bring out in me daily! THANK YOU!!!!!!   🙂