Word of the Day October 7, 2017

e·phem·er·al

(ĭ-fĕm′ər-əl)

adj.

1. Lasting for a markedly brief time: “There remain some truths too ephemeral to be captured in the cold pages of a court transcript” (Irving R. Kaufman).
2. Having a short lifespan or a short annual period of aboveground growth. Used especially of plants.
n.

Something, especially a plant, that is ephemeral.

[From Greek ephēmeros : ep-, epi-, epi- + hēmerā, day.]

e·phem′er·al′i·ty, e·phem′er·al·ness n.
e·phem′er·al·ly adv.

Dreadful Doctors

My title is not fair to all doctor’s. I enjoy the physicians I am currently working with. The dread I am referring to is what they are going to tell me or ask me to do.  Since 2012, the neurologist I see thinks he needs to change the medications I am taking, just to see if something new will help.

What I have discovered and verbalize to them is “NOTHING HELPS”.  I feel like a lab rat at times. Actually had one physician say I should feel honored to be in his presence because is that good! Needless to say, I refuse to ever see him again.

I have enjoyed working with the rehab center and the cancer specialist. They try to cover every aspect of care a patient may need. They offer incredible services at Winship.

After everything, we have been through, it is wonderful to be treated special after certain diagnoses. The sad part is the numbers of people in and out of the doctors offices at Winship.

One of the things that I dread yearly, is my thyroid scan. It is such a long process and it takes all week just to get to the point where the scan can be done. For some reason, My Protein levels are staying elevated and thyroid cancer is playing hide and seek in my throat. The last PET Scan showed there is still something in my neck. Hopefully, this will be the last treatment for a few years. This is only the fifth time since 2009.

Personally, I am ready to run away from home. I put a smile on my face and keep going. I refuse to let this or anyone get me down. I need to take care of myself, Barry, Maggie and mom.  I am faithful the the Good Lord will be by my side through the next week. It has been a bad couple of weeks and it is time to turn things around. Have a joyful week everyone!

Hopefully, no one has forgotten about us!

Life has slowed to a point that I might get a post or two in. Barry gets home from the hospital and settled down, then Mom had a problem that required a hospital.She is home and feeling better. She is actually with one of my sisters for a few days. We hope everyone had a wonderful July 4th. We made it a Pajama day and accomplished nothing at all. My health is stable. I wasn’t happy with my last MRI, but God has a plan…I take one day at a time….Oooooooops, I forgot our Maggie. Our treasured family pet has joined the rest of our happy home, with health issues. Our sweet baby has developed an arrhythmia and possibly a brain tumor. The first week Barry was home, Maggie went into Congestive Heart Failure, due to the irregular heartbeat.  She has since suffered three seizures and has something making her right cheek protrude. It looks so bad, but she does not appear to be in pain…..Thank Goodness……..

One day at a time, that is the slogan in our home!

More tomorrow. My hands are getting tired. We need to get back in a routine of typing. My kitchen is calling….Have a great weekend all! God Bless!

 

 

I am boycotting Facebook for the next month! Social Media is taking over too many lives, and I am upset!

I am angry! Someone I cared for and has been a big part of my life, for the 30+ years passed away over the weekend. She had struggled for years with breast cancer and finally lost her battle. She is sitting with God now! She no longer deals with pain! She is in a better place.

What I am angry about is the fact that my mother, my husband and both of my sisters found out and Barry was the one who told me. One of my sisters forgot and called me a few minutes after Barry told me, unfortunately too late to get to visitation tonight. My other sister actually said she didn’t call me because I have access to facebook and she figured I saw her post this morning, but she called our mother to tell her, whom lives in MY house!

Quite frankly, who has time to read the miles and miles of post that all of your friends put online everyday? I try to keep up with what is going on, but my eyes do not allow me to read like they used too! My tablet does tons of reading to me.

The lady that passed away was a senior in high school, when I was a freshman; took part in my first home purchase; helped surprise my first husband with a fishing boat; when I was sick and overwhelmed with medical bills, she helped me through a debt consoludation; after my divorce, she helped me buy my first car; and helped my new husband and I with a construction loan for our dream house.

After all that, I am asked “you didn’t read my post?” I AM ANGRY! I believe with good reason! Facebook….I apoligize, but I refuses to sign on again until March 10th. I need a break.

Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TURNING POINT.

If I had to choose my biggest regret would be my first marriage. When we met, I was head-over-hills in love and could not see a future as anything other than his wife.

I gave up going away to college to stay close to home and be near the man that had swept me off my feet. I even ignored my family to put him ahead of everything else. I left my younger sister and father out in the cold to focus on being a girlfriend and eventually his wife. I should have been around for the two of them, when mom packed up and took off.I missed that time with both of them. Time I can never get back

On the other hand, I was there for my older sister to help when she had the babies. I started a career I love. I am the woman I am toiday, because of the experiences I went through with my ex-husband. I love doing what I do today, because of him. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have been in the area to meet Barry after the divorce. In a sense, my ex lead me to my soul-mate.

I don’t think it is supposed to work that way. Regrets can be good things. They can lead you to a future you were not expecting or they can fill you with longing to change things that are no longer possibke to change.

In my book, don’t look back. Always keep your eyes forward and enjoy your life, You cannot change the past, why regret it?

Absolute Worst Two Weeks Of My Life

The past five years were the beginning of our on-going nightmare. It has been one serious medical issue after another.

Two weeks ago, Barry was hooking the computer to the television for us to stream the evening service. Barry suddenly starts to fall straight backwards. I called out to him several times, without response. Barry takes a blood thinner, so he truly did not need a lump on his head.

When his head hit the wooden ledge on the front door, he started convulsing. He ended up on his right side, I checked him for injuries, covered him up with a blanket and got a pillow. After around three minutes, he started coming around. He was quite confused and wanting to know what happened. By this time, I had gotten mom and 911 had been called. They were incredibly slow. Apparently, the county EMS was hopping all night.

Once in the Emergency Room, they got things going. There was something going on with his heart. He had a strange arrhythmia that the hospital felt needed more attention, so he was admitted.

The next night, there was another episode opting a move to the ICU for better observation. I found out about the transfer when Barry called the next morning to say he was being trasferred to Saint Joseph’s Hospital within the next hour.

I got ready and headed to Atlanta, as quickly as I could. My sweetheart does not like hospitals and I knew he would not want to be alone. I stayed with Barry for two nights.

Then I had a chemo treatment and on Saturday, the injection to boost my white blood cells. The day of my chemo treatment, they discovered a blood clot under my right arm. I started the injections they ordered before chemo. The next day my right arm was acting up, so I requested to see the infusion center fellow doctor. Since starting the injections, shortness of breath occurred everytime I preformed a task or stood up to walk. I was concerned the clot had moved to my lung.

I was sent straight to the Emergency Room for evaluation. We chose to go to the hospital Barry was in. He was already downstairs having a pacemaker put in. Due to my injection, I was unable to see Barry before the procedure.

Our wonderful pastor made it just in time. Barry was thrilled to see him coming. While I was being evaluated, my sister went to check on Barry and let him know what was going on. He was worried. I tried to convince him I was fine, but do men ever really hear what their wives say?

I was released with a diagnosis of pneumonia. More drugs to take. Gotta love it! Kristie and I almost ran to his room. Kristie needed to get on the road soon. Not only does she have a husband and two boys, she had taken the role of chief caregiver to our father. Barry wanted me to stay, but I was running a fever. He had more test scheduled for the next day, he’d never know I was there or not.

We headed home and packed a bag. I was ready for the next day. My nephew was picking me up to drop me at the hospital for a few days. I wore a mask when I had the fever, and removed it when I did not. We met Barry’s surgeon that morning. They were scheduling his surgery for morning. During the night, I recieved a call that my father had passed away. After surgery, I would not be able to see him. He would be moved to CVICU and I would not be able to see him freely. His doctor told me to go home and come back when he is stable.

Barry had an abcess in his heart and the wall of his heart was erroding. They had to re-build a section of the heart to be able to get a valve in and they were unable to use the mechanical valve. A pig valve was placed. He has been in ICU for over 6 days and today, they finally got him off the venilator. He was up in a chair last time I spoke to the nurse. Such a huge improvement since last week. I was terrified of loosing him. I lost my father.

My blog post my be scattered, but I will get back to normal soon. Missed you all!

Jill

Writing Through Cancer | For the Week of August 4, 2013: Can It Get Any Worse?

Can it get any worse?  Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.  Hope keeps us moving ahead, one step at a time.  Think of a times you were dealt bad news, your own or someone else’s?   How did you first react?  How did you get through a difficult period in your life?   What helped?  How did you find the strength—even hope—to cope and begin to heal?  How did you find a way to reverse the course and bit by bit,  make your life better?

When life decided I needed to make lemonade, someone had a truck load of lemons delivered and dumped them by garage door. I guess for easy access from the kitchen. God knows I have trouble walking, I guess he was just trying to help out.

Hope keeps you going, but the Lord above is raining that hope down on our situation. We need a good saturation of hope. Through our bible studies and attending church regularly, I think we are finally relaxing as issues occur and giving things to God.

Dealing with my diagnosis has becomes easier daily. I’m adapting the attitude. when

I am working on handing all my issues over to the Good Lord above. Currently Barry and I need all the help we can get. It seems like everyday day gets a little tougher.

If you follow our blog, you know our history, but what you do not know is that my mother lives with us. She has her separate living space, but has no boundaries. Mom is newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the beginning stages of Lewy Body Dementia. If interested. to find out more about Lewy Body Dementia, follow the following link, http://www.lbda.org/

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Leaving mom at a hospital to treat mental health issues. That’s my mommy! I’m supposed to take care of her. I cried the entire day we took her over to the hospital.

On top of managing chemotherapy for breast cancer, managing my mom’s care, making sure Barry is OK and assisting my sister when I can with my dad; Barry and I do what we can to help out at church. We are slowly working into volunteering more often, as my energy level rises. We are truly enjoying it.

My dad has been given an undetermined amount of time to live. He is suffering from  heart, kidney and liver failure. He has moved into my younger sister’s extra room and monitored by hospice. If anyone needs help with anything, please let me know. Barry and I will see what we can do.

When we first found out about dad, it was the day I found out I have breast cancer. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Dealing with the two is a t of emotion to handle at once.

Talking with my sister’s and my blog has helped me pull through this mess. We are taking one day at a time, one problem at a time. We are all hoping daddy will surprise us all, and turn things around. Hope keeps us going, but knowing his salvation will  bring peace to each of us.

On chemotherapy, I have not been able to aid my sisters as much as I would like to with dad.  The brunt of his care has fallen on Sandy and Kristie. They both know I would be right there with them if I could, dad knows to. My daddy knows I love him. Barry lost his father at a young age. He is my rock, my strength as usual.

I’ll finish this up tomorrow. I’m pooped. Sweet dreams. Mom has gained a little weight. We need to take her dress shopping tomorrow. Could be interesting.

The daily prompts I write from each week come from the following blog by Sharon Bray:

http://writingthroughcancer.com/

Follow the link to her blog. She is incredible! Thank you, Sharon…..Jill Baynes

 

How to get from what if to so what? | Give it to God

My life is full of fear daily, my illness can pop up with a change at any moment, the good Lord helps me manage that fear. I have focused on what if this happens, what if that hapoens, I am learning to  focus away from the pain and find something positive to focus on.

Giving my pain and issues over to the Lord has made my life so much simplier. I do not stress as much as I used to about the little things in life. Allbeit my health is not a little thing, but the Lord eases my anxiety.

Although I am almost through with my chemo treatments, with radiation coming up quickly, I find myself wondering what next? My counselor says it is time to let that go and get to the point of saying so what when something new happens. Get straight to handing things over to the Lord and get on with your life. Just handle it and don’t worry! I’m getting there, but I need a little more practice. God is still helping eith my coping skills.

Setting boundaries with family is another issue altogether. I have to pray about it a little more. Still looking for answers on how to handle that situation. Wish us luck!