True Love and Commitment

Is true love, commitment, and faith a thing of the past?  Does anyone today know the meaning of these simple words? I’m not sure they do! There are many definitions available for the words listed above. It is up to you to decide which one best suits your needs. Of course, my opinion is what it is, mine3.

I guess it could be in God’s plan that certain people remain alone;

but I am a true believer! You have to want someone to find them and be friendly with the words compromise, faith and trust! For a very long time, I ran when22 those words came into a conversation. After my first husband, words like those, brought the scaredy cat out in me.


As I sit at my husband’s bedside; not knowing what the next minute will bring; I feel sad for so many people. Today’s generation of kids, will never know or understand the feeling of loving someone so much you are willing to sit by their bedside hour after hour, just to be near them.  To know they are safe for the moment and realize your smile will be the first thing they see when they open their eyes. The smile that graces their lips, at that moment, makes it all worthwhile.

Every time I help him stand or gain his balance, brings us closer together. In 2009, Barry was there for me. Telling me the same things about recovery and helping with anything and everything I needed. Sitting at my bedside, unsure of the future. He could have walked away and he did not. He stuck by my side because he loves me. Experiences we have shared, have only brought us closer together.

This definitely was not part of our retirement plan, but we are making the most out of what time God has blessed us with. Presently, we maybe be part couch potato, but we have plans.

Accommodation is a big part of our plans. The health issues we are dealing with, require us to make changes to our original plans. Just by chance, my handsome hubby is handling change better. A trip to a beautiful, sandy beach needs to be researched for handicapped accessibility. As we make travel plans, we learn something new with every call.

Personal Prayer Request

I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen too many things in my lifetime that proves there is. On this date, I am asking that everyone pray for my father, Lee Van Hayes. He received some extremely bad news from his doctor today. I think we were all expecting it, even dad, but hearing those words are not easy. WordPress Blogs are full of love and kindness, with a few freaky things added in. I’d love it if I could take my computer to Pop and show him all the well wishes received from my fellow bloggers.

WordPress reaches tons of people. It would be such a wondrous thing to get at least half the people, in our blogosphere, saying a little prayer for one special man. I know he is not special to everyone, but he is to my family and his friends. My dad doesn’t meet strangers, he likes everyone. He is just the biggest sweetheart on earth! My family, as well as Barry and I would greatly appreciate any small wish of good health or just a hope you are feeling better soon.

We are to the point that prayer is the answer. Dad is in God‘s hands and he will take care of him. Thank you in advance for anything you say!

If my comments section is not working yet, please use the email available for my blog:

Have a bless day!

Barry and Jill

and the family of LeeVan Hayes

English: The logo of the blogging software Wor...

English: The logo of the blogging software WordPress. Deutsch: WordPress Logo 中文: WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)


Daily Prompt: In Good Faith: A brother’s wish

Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FAITH.

During a shift at my first job, I admitted a man to my unit that was in bad shape.  I discovered his admission was at the request of his Hospice,  for pain management. Being a new graduate nurse, you get crazy assignments and tough cases as learning experiences.

I completed the proper paperwork, gave the patient medications his doctor ordered, did what I could to help the family and make them comfortable. I gave the report to my charge nurse and then; started rounds on my other assigned patients.

The supervisor met me in the hallway to tell me of a status change for my new patient. When I returned to his room, I met a representative from his Hospice and he introduced me to the family gathered to say good-bye. My new patient’s diagnosis was End Stage Pancreatic Cancer and his last wishes were to be admitted to Room 434 at the Regional Hospital, where his wife passed away. She died, in 1984, in the same room where he laid dying now.

The Hospice nurse explained his wishes a little better. When his time was close, he requested to be admitted to the hospital for pain management. For about two hours, I played private-duty nurse to his family for whatever need may arise. I tenderly cared for their family member and provided pain management, as ordered, to keep him as comfortable as my capable hands could.

It did not take long for the signs that God was calling him home to show up. His respiration’s were becoming shallow and his heart rate slowing. When the end was upon us, our patient’s brother stepped forward and stated. ” I’d give anything, to see him sit up in bed and take one more breath.”

As in slow motion, my patient slowly, sat up in bed and drew in a long exacerbated breath, fell back on his pillow and was gone. Everyone just looked around the room in amazement. The Good Lord swept in and took him off to be with his wife.

As I watched the family leaving and listened to their stories of this man’s life, I imagined he and his wife walking, hand-in hand, down a beautiful street in heaven.

My faith has always been strong. When it falters just a little, I think back to the 39 years of patients I have cared for and the many unexplained things I have seen. I have no doubt in my mind, there is a God and he is with us always! This story is about my first spiritual encounter. I will never forget the feeling in that room. I left the room full of faith and longing. I get goosebumps, just thinking of that night.

Daily Prompt: Second Time Around

Tell us about a book you can read again and again without getting bored — what is it that speaks to you?

I would love to say the Bible (by many strong people many years ago, Jesus), but the good Lord knows better and I would like to keep my reputation of being an honest woman. I can always do better with Bible Study. The Bible is a wonderful book, full of magnificent stories of long ago. Every time you pick it up to read, you learn something different. It is the perfect response to this daily prompt.

Other than the Bible, I am a huge Nicholas Sparks fan. At any time of day or night, I could pick any of his books and read for hours. If I have to mention a favorite, it would be “The Notebook” (by Nicholas Sparks). “Dear John“(by Nicholas Sparks) really hits home with the world today. Every time I pick one up, I find something different. Boredom never enters my mind.

I usually wind up thinking of my lack of sleep after a good book. Once I pick anything readable up, it is hard to put it down.


Continuation of the week of April 21, 2013, The Healing Power of Forgiveness

A friend pointed out to me, that I may need to forgive myself to truly feel free and get rid of the feeling in my stomach.

If I can say anything about myself, I can truly say I am my own worst critic. Most of us are, but I am extremely hard on myself, always have been.

My third grade teacher wrote “Jill needs to learn that it is OK to be wrong and make mistakes” on the back of one of my report cards.

That was many years ago and you would think I had changed a little. Apparently not! I may have lightened up a little on myself, but not enough.

Working on apologizing to everyone I feel had to deal with my mess, I think I’ll add myself to the list. Surely I can figure out how to forgive and apologize to myself.

My New Least Favorite Words on Earth: Incidental Findings

Dr. M, my now urologist, seems like a very good doctor with a great personality/bedside manner. My appointment today went great. The kidney ultrasound is good, with one little issue to follow. Otherwise Dr. M. says my kidney’s are beautiful. Awwww, how sweet. They better be! About the only organ I have left that functions correctly.

What gets me about Cowdens Syndrome is the unknown. Today, I’m told I actually have an organ that is functioning properly, but we need to watch this “one” little spot. We want to make sure it isn’t something forming that shouldn’t be where it is. So, my roller coaster of doctors continues.

On top of the little spot that needs watching on the right kidney. It appears there is an incidental finding on my liver. He would  like to schedule an MRI, to get a better look. So, more tests, more waiting and more unknowns.

I feel like I am fussing about what is going on in my body. I truly believe that Jesus died to save us from our sins. I believe that the Good Lord has a plan for us and we shouldn’t question that plan. My life is in his hands and I am not exactly how to hand my troubles over to the Lord and not worry.

After my appointment today, I wasn’t what I would call questioning things, but I was so frustrated with the news that it brought me to tears. When I got to a private place, I asked the Lord for the grace and strength I need to make it through all of this news. My fears eased.

It is just so incredibly hard to deal with all of this. Today, I felt like the robot from “Lost in Space“.Turning in circles, arms flopping, thinking, “fix me Will Robinson, fix me!” If it were only that easy.


Daily Prompt: Childhood Revisited

Sure, you turned out pretty good, but is there anything you wish had been different about your childhood? If you have kids, is there anything you wish were different for them?

I am doing my best to decide how to put this in writing. I thought about this all day and have narrowed it down to two things I wish would have been different in my childhood. I’ll do my best not to ramble, please be patient.

My sisters and I had a traditional southern upbringing, dysfunctional family and all. Our parents encouraged us to study, we knew right from wrong, and we loved each other. Mom and dad worked all the time. Mom stayed home until we were old enough to be left home alone and then she started working, She was home when we needed her, or at lease close-by.

Dad left in the mornings before we ever got up and was not home until we were in bed. On the weekends, he worked his secondary business and was home only at night. We had our family nights when dad was home. We actually had breakfast and supper around the dining room table several times a week.

I grew up wanting for nothing.  If we ever wanted anything extravagant, we had to save our money up or wait for a sale. I believe that is where my frugal attitude comes from today!

During the summer months, mom and dad always made sure we stayed busy. I know my way around the Bible, a softball field, a basketball court, and a swimming pool. Mom and dad made it to the important events, but there were times we were on our own.

One of the things I wish could were different from my childhood is going to church as a family, instead of being dropped off at the door to attend services with my sisters. Don’t get me wrong, my sisters and I are close, due to the time we spent together. It would have been nice having mom and dad with us at church. I truly believe that they both believe the Jesus died to save us from our sins, but I cannot help feeling unsure of their salvation.

Mom lives with me now, and attends everything Barry and I attend at church. Dad is a different story. I do not remember the last time I saw him in church for something other than a funeral. His health is declining and he does not get out like he used to, but I know he grew-up in the church. It would have been joyous to have all five of us in church at the same time. Well, the past is the past. All we can do now is look forward.

My second thing I wish could have been different during my childhood is medical technology. From the time I entered kindergarten through high school, I was always sick.

Mom spoiled me rotten and my sisters still pick on me today, because of that.

I was part guinea pig when they thought they had figured out a treatment for allergies. They did all the testing and I suffered through the intramuscular injections for years, before they figured out it could be done with a subcutaneous needle, just under the skin. The nurse’s from the seventies, learned to give an intramuscular injection into the shoulder. There were several times I actually felt the needle hitting the bone. It was so painful. I took the injections without success for years and then refused to go.

In my teenage years I developed female troubles. We let the doctor do the known treatment for my problem at the time and it rendered me unable to have children.

If today’s medical technology had been around in the seventies, maybe I could have had a normal childhood and been able to have kids today. In my world, Claritin is the best invention of the twentieth century. When I was younger, Dristan was it. With today’s medical technology in the past, maybe brain tumor research would be further along today and I wouldn’t need a wheelchair when my legs do not work.

My life has been God‘s plan and it is not my place to question it. I read my Bible and try to stay upbeat and focused. I pray daily and ask for grace and wisdom to help me make it through the day. I exercise to stay strong and keep busy. My blog is my refuge for my feelings and such. It helps me not to hold things in. I write them down. It is very therapeutic to me. My counselor advised me to either do a journal or start a blog.

To summarize, my parents being more involved with my sisters and I at church; as well as, today’s medical technology being available in the seventies, would have made my childhood a better place to be. Honestly, I wouldn’t interfere with God’s plan for my life. I grew up loved and happy. Everything else is all good!

If, if, if, maybe, maybe, maybe…….

To All My Faithful Readers

Please forgive the housekeeping issues I have put in place. Have patience with me for a few months and I’ll take the restrictions off. I had an issue I became unhappy with and I felt it necessary to safeguard myself and the comments you all leave for me. I maybe absent from commenting and posting for a while, but this incident had made me realize I need a break. Gonna work on my novel. Who knows, maybe I’ll see you in a bookstore(if they still exist when I get finished). Have a great month!