Please Forgive My Absence

Please forgive my absence for the past few days. Imagine the nerve of life getting in the way. I’ll admit I let the “poor pitiful me’s” get in the way. When my favorite urologist found my new problem, my mood kinda hit the toilet with a big splash. I’ve had 2 days of sulking and I’m tired of being the only “stick in the mud” at the party.

Time for a reality check. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I hurt all day everyday. Yes, I have to see a lot of doctors. But………I love the Lord, I adore my husband, I have a loving, happy, sometimes screwed family, I have 2 great pets (a dog that thinks she is human and a fish that will come to the top of the bowl when called), I have a great life.

Why I let myself get all down and depressed, I’ll never understand. One doctor I see told me to quit worrying about getting upset. He said it’s not like I don’t have a million things to worry about.

Maybe all this studying and work I’ve done, on turning my issues over to the Lord, is working. It was much easier to turn this over to God, than in the past. I really think that listening and learning in church is the way to go. Growing up, I was more concerned with who was at church, than what I was learning. I’m learning a lot at Victory Baptist Church, they are such a truly incredible group of people.

Tomorrow is the MRI of my abdomen and pelvis. I’m praying that whatever Dr. M saw on my liver is no longer there. Please think of me tomorrow, Barry and I can use all the prayers we can get.

 

My New Least Favorite Words on Earth: Incidental Findings

Dr. M, my now urologist, seems like a very good doctor with a great personality/bedside manner. My appointment today went great. The kidney ultrasound is good, with one little issue to follow. Otherwise Dr. M. says my kidney’s are beautiful. Awwww, how sweet. They better be! About the only organ I have left that functions correctly.

What gets me about Cowdens Syndrome is the unknown. Today, I’m told I actually have an organ that is functioning properly, but we need to watch this “one” little spot. We want to make sure it isn’t something forming that shouldn’t be where it is. So, my roller coaster of doctors continues.

On top of the little spot that needs watching on the right kidney. It appears there is an incidental finding on my liver. He would  like to schedule an MRI, to get a better look. So, more tests, more waiting and more unknowns.

I feel like I am fussing about what is going on in my body. I truly believe that Jesus died to save us from our sins. I believe that the Good Lord has a plan for us and we shouldn’t question that plan. My life is in his hands and I am not exactly how to hand my troubles over to the Lord and not worry.

After my appointment today, I wasn’t what I would call questioning things, but I was so frustrated with the news that it brought me to tears. When I got to a private place, I asked the Lord for the grace and strength I need to make it through all of this news. My fears eased.

It is just so incredibly hard to deal with all of this. Today, I felt like the robot from “Lost in Space“.Turning in circles, arms flopping, thinking, “fix me Will Robinson, fix me!” If it were only that easy.