I Wanna Run Away!

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Please, someone tell me when it is okay to run away. I’m not sure how much more I can take before I crack. 

I live the “Life of Riley“. Honestly, I not sure what that means. Was it a TV show? Radio show? Cartoon? I’m going to look it up. The situations I’ve heard it used in usually involved someone having it made; not in need of anything; someone spoiled rotten. All of the above, at times, can describe my life.

I live in a beautiful home with the perfect husband and family pets. We have one boxer and one fish. One step-son that keeps his distance.

My husband and I are raising my mother. It can be a challenge at times. But we make it.

We are far from well off or rich, but we are comfy. A lot of people today can’t say that. It really hurts Barry and I to see others struggle. We help when we can, but keeping up with medical bills will eat you alive. 

Since 2009, Barry and I have run from doctor to doctor trying to figure my illness out. It is starting to feel like a waste of time. Every time I see a physician, something else is wrong.

Is this a never-ending battle? Is all the running around doing a bit of good? I guess I’m a little tired of being sick. I feel like my life is falling apart and I’m not sure what to do.

That doctor, last week, really threw me for a loop. Just uttering those 2 little words has my head in the toilet.

It was like the day the doctor told me about the brain tumor. “Oh by the way, you have a brain tumor.” That is how he told me. He added a few other things to it, but that was enough to shatter my world. My head was in a spin then, and it is spinning like a top now.

I’m not going to do anything stupid. God has kept me around for s reason. I have too much life left to live to do anything stupid, I’m just trying to write this down to see if it will shake me out of this funk.

I should be sleeping . Big birthday party tomorrow. Going to be a long day, I need my rest. Barry is snoring in the chair next to me as I type. Maggie is snoring on the couch. Maybe I should follow suit and go to sleep. Maybe I’ll feel better in the morning. 

Hope everyone has a good weekend. I’m trying to turn mine around. Be sweet!

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6 thoughts on “I Wanna Run Away!”

  1. I am dealing with a bunch of stuff too and without provision, the illnesses go undiagnosed and the “ouch” here and there even on a good day . . . . is it worse to know to to wonder? Don’t know but He is with us. I pray for healing, peace, rest, and joy for BOTH of us!

  2. Hi Jill
    I will be praying for you, you have shown me so much support over the last month, that I feel it;s my time to give you the encouragement and support, trust in the Lord and keep the faith, you have overcome before and you can again.
    Wayne

    • I feel like a big crybaby at times. I’m just getting so tired. Don’t mean to be a “Debbie Downer”, but thank you for listening and letting me know you are there……Jill POI’s

  3. Thanks for sharing. I hope you have better days coming your way. I too have gone through depression and a cancer diagnosis. Is not always easy to deal with health issues especially when Doctors at times are not even sure how to help. Keep up the faith and take care of yourself. I wish you and your family well. Not sure if you believe in prayers but I will pray for you as I suspect you are in the same place I keep finding myself in from time to time. Blessings .

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