A Night I Wish Would Just Go Away Is Turning Into The Weekend That Needs To Just Stop! I Prefer It To Stop | But Life Goes On

You read about Barry being admitted to the hospital on Wednesday. Thursday he did great. Friday he did great, During the night, his heart went a little haywire and he was trasfered to ICU. I received a phone call fron Barry 5hat he ews in ICU and was due for transfer  to Saint Joseph’s Hospital in Atlanta. He will be  in Cardiac ICU. I am a bit aggravated with the lofal yocal hospital.

When I went for chemo, it was discovered that I have a Deep Vein Thrombosis in the axillary vein going under my right arm. I have to give myself injections two times daily for the next week. Not sure of the cause, but it is near my chemo port. Hopefully these injections will work out my troubles. Have to get the injection that boosts my white blood tomorrow. Any volunteers to take my place?

Daily Prompt: RSVP: “Princesses for the Day”

At a birthday party before

At a birthday party before

Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?

The person I am closest to is of course my husband, Barry. Although Barry deserves a huge celebration, there 2 others in my life that could really use a day to let go and do something crazy. My sisters, Sandy and Kristie, could both use a day of leisure or a day og being “Princesses of the Weekend”.

We would start with packing our bags for the weekend, loading in the car, and checking into the local hotel at the winery near our home.

The day we check in, we will take trail rides and have supper by the lake,  picnic style. We’ll roast marshmallows over the fire and head back to the hotel just before dark.

After a nice long sleep, we slept late and missed breakfast. We had appointments for mani/pedi’s at 2pm. Facials at 3:30pm, then finish the spa day off with a full body massage. Supper served in our room at 7pm.

We rushed to our rooms to prepare for supper. We had pre-ordered the lobster dinners with house salads, with crème brûlée for dessert. I, personally, was starving.

Over dinner, the three of us talked about our lives and families and discussed where we would like to be in 10 years. Each of us verbalized being happy where we are and only had a few things we would change about our lives. Nothing big, just minor little nothings like being healthier, relaxing more,  and more time with our families.

All together, we wished we could work it out to spend more time together and have more time for ourselves when at home. Our families keep each of us terribly busy. Kristie is raising 2 boys and doing a great job. She is also job-hunting, since obtaining her teaching degree. In her spare time, she takes care of our father, he lives next door to her.

Sandy works more hours than humanly possible at her church, but I admire her dedication.When she gets home, she takes care of her home and disabled husband.

Then myself, I’m retired and stay at home. Our mother lives with Barry and I. She can no longer live alone. Barry had a massive stroke in 2011, There are days when he and I takes turns being the clearest head in the house. Barry has a few minor issues from the stroke that he is learning to manage. We research and study my disease daily. It is sad to go see a doctor and know more about the disease you have than the doctor does.  It is truly sad, but that is how rare diseases are.

Sandy, Kristie and I got along wonderfully,  We had a wonderful time and hated to leave. After lunch, we had to pack up and head home. We made a vow to do this again and spend more time together as we headed out.

I chose to write this post over a post about Barry and I. The celebration I would have with Barry would be entirely private and not to be shared with the WordPress world. I like to keep those moments between Barry and I.

Jill and Barry Baynes

Just Write: Loss

Loss comes in many forms, when you least expect it.
It can mean anything from a loved one to body process, like speech. Loss hurts.

My brain tumor has left my voice weak and I have a lot of trouble speaking. When I have something to say, I feel like I am pushing words out and I can be loud.  I cannot help it. I truly cannot help it, nothing hurts more than having people talk over you.

One thing I have learned since becoming disabled, is people are rude. No one has respect for anyone. What has happened to civility?

People do not listen if you have a speech impediment. They automatically discount you as a person, the minute they realize you have a problem. They take what they think you are saying and go with that, even when they have it totally wrong.

It hurts worse when it is those close to you. The pain is worse when someone you love cuts you off mid-sentence without attempting to hear what you have to say. I actually fired someone for insubordinance when they made fun of my voice. It was at a time when Intruly needed the help, but I wasn’t putting up with that type of behavior.

I feel childish complaining. Barry had a stroke in 2011 and mom is in the beginning stages of dementia. In a house full of brain injuries and so many losses, do I have the right to be upset? When I need help with a phone call, should I be given flack or help with a call?

I am becoming used to being disabled, but this part is getting worse and I am struggling with how to handle my home situation!

We live a quiet life at home, not a lot of noise. Noise bothers all of us.

I’m 47 yesrs olf living like a 80 year old. Maybe it will help down the road.

Jill and Barry Baynes


Growing Up in the Shadows

Before I write this, I want everyone to know every word is TRUE! The sad thing is, this is only one story of many I could tell.

My name is Jill. I am the middle child of three girls. My sisters and I are close. We had to be close growing up. Mom was a little hard to deal with when we were kids. It wasn’t until recently, that we have started to understand mom’s behavior as we grew-up.

Growing up, I worshiped my older sister. I followed her everywhere. I didn’t let her out of my sight for long. When I started my cycle, 2 weeks after Sandy, mom started telling everyone; “Jill never could let Sandy do anything by herself.” I was eight years old and Sandy was 11. At this point, Kristie was young enough not to care about anything her older sisters and what they were doing. She was too busy growing up. 

We grew up in a small town in the days when it was OK to leave kids at the movies, mall (actually I’m not sure we had a local mall yet), or skating rink without grown-up supervision. When mom and dad left us on our own, Sandy took on the role of protector. She watched Kristie and I like a hawk. She wasn’t going to be in charge if something happened.

An unbelievable incident occurred while we were at the local skating rink. The incident slowly evolved from some bigger kids picking on Kristie. She was wearing a tube top, one of the older girls grabbed by the shoulders and dug her finger nails in, to the point of bringing blood from the scratches, left across her shoulders.

Kristie immediately ran to Sandy and pointed the girls out to her. Sandy told the Security Guard, who had a talk with the girls. Which apparently did not a bit of good, because they ran to their mother’s. Their mother’s proceeded to corner Sandy and threaten her.

When mom arrived, Sandy told her the story. You could see mom’s switch flip from cool, calm and collected;  to do not mess with my kids. Sandy pointed everyone out to mom. The security guard realized mom had arrived and he proceeded to attempt to talk her out of saying anything.

Mom went to talk to the older girls. They ran to their mothers. When their mothers confronted our mother, the security guard called the police. I am not sure how to describe the other women involved, politely. They were like no other women I had seen in my lifetime. This was the first time I ever realized women could actually shave their eyebrows and paint them back on. Not a look I care for.

A crowd started to form around the car my mom leaned into to discuss the situation. She must have said something the women in the car didn’t like because they sell got out of the car, came around and surrounded mom.

The driver of the car, pushed mom backwards. Mom got up fighting. She jumped the driver. The next thing we knew mom and the driver were rolling around on the ground and the other women were landing punches as they could. The crowd was wild.

Before the fight was in full swing, the Security Guard called the police. We could here the sirens getting closer in the background. The police arrived, they attempted to stop the fight and desperate everyone. All I could see of the fight was fists and hair flying. At one point, I watched my mother grab the Security Guard and tell him to leave her alone if he didn’t want to loose what she was grabbing.

The police finally separated the fight and attempted to sort out what happened. I do not remember much after this, because our father had been contacted to pick us up. We were taken home and sent to bed. When we got up the next day, mom was home and the previous night was not mentioned.

I have a relationship with my sisters that others have trouble understanding. Maybe it has something to do with our childhood. We went through a lot together.

My husband was an only child. He had one child with his first wife. My oldest sister’s husband grew up with a brother and sister. My youngest sister’s husband is from overseas and grew-up with a sister. Other than Barry, everyone grew-up with a sibling.

Libor, Kristie’s husband, states that he has never seen siblings get along so well together or exhibit the closeness we do concerning one another. 

When Barry and I were married, it took him ages to get used to our relationship. He became a little upset with me once when he overheard a conversation between my oldest sister and myself. He felt I should have been asking him the kind of questions, he heard me asking Sandy.

I tried to explain that I’ve been depending on my sisters for advice on certain topics since I was a kid. He grew up an only child, not knowing what it is like to have a closeness with a sibling. As time goes by, he grows closer to understanding our relationship. 

You have friendship, brotherhood, and many other words to describe a kinship between people. If you do not know or understand what it means to be a sister, you do not know what you are missing.

Sisters are a different breed. We interact with one another on a different level than brothers and friends do. We know each others deep, dark secrets. We ask and answer each other questions you’d have trouble asking you husband or closest friend.

Sisters tell you when they think you are acting like an idiot and then they will also let you know when they think you are brilliant. You can always count on your sister. Through good and bad times, they will always be there for you.

You can count on your sisters to always be open and honest with you. When you get sick, your sister will be there to do whatever needs to be done. Part of being a sister, is being able to tell your sister when they are being complete turds and need to remember there are other people in this world than themselves.

Everyone has busy full lives today, you can’t shuck off your responsibilities to suit your needs. Once a sister, always a sister. Once a daughter, always a daughter. There are a few things in life that cannot be changed. 

With sisters, you can be fighting like cats and dogs one minute or not speaking for months; let something happen and your sisters will be there at the drop of a hat. Sisters are always there when you need them.

Being the middle child of three girls, I felt like I was in the shadow of my sisters daily. We went through the same school system, rode the same bus, had the same issues with our parents. Some how, I man managed to feel over-shadowed by my older and younger sisters. Teachers, the bus driver and other school-related employees used to ask if I talked as much as my older sister. When I said, “No, I was the quiet one.” Their answer was always “Good”.

Kristie over-shadowed me when she was a freshman in high school. I had spent most of my junior year, sick and out of school. Upon returning my senior year, my baby sister took it upon herself to be my protector. She wouldn’t let anyone mess with me. Mrs. Gieger, the bus driver, said Kristie talked too much also. She told me once I was a nice break between my two sisters.

Stairsteps1- Jill and her sisters

Stairsteps1- Jill and her sisters

Day Two: Post Lumpectomy

MM900178208The drugs have worn off, I’ve started my exercises, and I rode in the car this afternoon. I took a pillow for comfort, but it went really well.

The pain is subsiding, until I move my arm too much. I still have my faithful bottle of giggle pills.   I have drunk so much liquid I feel like my eyeballs are floating. I have to flush all that lovely dye and anesthesia out of my system. The sooner that mess is out of my system, the better. I’ll feel better and I’ll stop resembling a Smurf around the edges. The doctor says that effect will go away in a few days.

The wait has begun. My appointment is on the 10th to get the pathology report and make treatment plans. I’m not worried, it’s in God’s hands. But now that I am more alert, it is on my mind. That simple little report is going to have such as huge impact on my life. It is hard not to think about it.

In between all the hoopla above, my left knee has given out on me and they are injecting chicken cartilage into the knee in hopes of forming a cushion in there to keep bone from hitting bone. So far, it helps for a few days, then the pain is back. It is a series of three shots. I’ve had the second one. If this doesn’t help, they want to discuss a knee replacement. I truly am NOT sure how I feel about that.

Total Knee replacement : AP view (Xray).

Our lives are in God’s hands. He has a plan for us all. We are not to question that plan. We are to be good people and better Christians.

Barry and I study our bibles. We have devotions with one another and we are active at church. Loving every minute of it. Barry and I have discussed that we feel more complete and better about where we are headed than we have in years.

I am finally catching on to the practice of handing things over to God. This breast cancer experience has shown that to me. My stress level has been lower and I have been able to turn my head off and go to sleep at night. Every prior health issue has caused me to worry myself sick. I tolerated this so much better. I’m proud of my progress. I wasn’t sure I could do it.

I’m learning to deal with my illness/disability as part of my life. The new “Jill” is progressing. Took me long enough. I blame my slowness on the brain injury caused by my brain surgery. Is it not awful that you have to cause a “brain injury” to save someone’s life when a brain tumor is discovered. Also, it isn’t like I’ve been a little busy.

I’ve been able to get my exercise regimen going again. Feeling better and walking better. Hopefully this latest health issue will not put a damper on that. My exercise makes me feel better.

The babble is starting, which is my question to stop typing. Have blessed night everyone.


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Update: Jill

Jill is doing well. Surgery started late and took longer than anticipated. Now we wait 7-10 days for pathology report. We finally got her home. I got her settled in her chair, all doped up and sleeping. Now  I.m gonna figure dinner out and sit myself down soon! Thank you all for your prayers and support. Jill truly enjoys blogging and enjoys all of you!

Thank you,

Barry Baynes