Category Archives: Heart Disease

I want to write, but I am at a loss of words!

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God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle, the things He gives you make you stronger. I can handle a lot, but just not sure how much more I can take.

When does your cracking point kick in? Do we have a cracking point or are we made to take and take and take…more more…How do you judge when enough is enough?

Is it that when God sees you  overwhelmed, he releases the more more and gives you a break?  I am not going to lie, I could use a huge break, but I am not sure my sweet husband can handle a break. At least over the next few weeks. We have to get the house ready for him to come home.

For the next six weeks, he will be on IV antibiotics and then oral antibiotics the rest of his life. A physical therapist will work on his strength at home, but I am still terrified. His lungs are filling up with fluid again, even sleeping with a bi-pap machine on. He is off oxygen all together, but I’m scared.I want to be able to care for him properly at home.

I was the one that couldn’t tell he was sick. He started showing signs of not feeling well, but refused to admit something was wrong and would not go to the doctor. I feel guilty that I didn’t push, now his cardiologist can’t give me a good answer about how much time he has. I can tell he is stressing over it, but he won’t talk to me. I have him scheduled with his psychiatrist at the first of the month. Surely home will be our new location by then.

I ask that everyone help me pray for grace, strength and mercy. Maybe with enough Faith added to the list, Barry and I will survive. Forgive my ramblings today, I am still am emotional disaster.

That dreadful place called the hospital, It was so hard to leave him there

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Sitting here, in no way can this place  be called fun. I am beginning to understand why people do not like hospitals. Yes, they are places where the sick or injured come to be healed. Hospitals are meant to be full of joy at the birth of a child,  or extremely sad watching a loved one in pain.

Painful things happen in hospitals. A lot of people do not how what or how their bodies work making things painful and scary. Some people experience trauma or have bad memories or cannot handle the emotions that hospitals bring out in you. Others just do not like pain.

The one I am sitting with loves being at home, in his recliner, his wife in her chair next to him and the dog sitting at his feet. Water glass next to him on the table, watching a crazy comedy on the television. He has his cute little quirky sense of humor. I never know what to expect out of his mouth. He even talks for the dog! It is so funny! She just turns her head side to side looking at him like he is nuts.

 

They want me to place him in a long-term care hospital. I do not feel that is where he needs to be, but I’m not a doctor. In my opinion, that will only make him worse. He needs some rehab. I can see a rehab center.

In the two days I have been with him, he has perked up.  Getting in and out of bed on his own (even when the staff did not want him too) He’s getting adventurous, I just hope he does not hurt himself. I love him so much it hurts. The thought of being without Barry, well, it kills me. We aren’t at the age that this kind of thing is expected. I just feel so very lost.

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