Tag Archives: Barry

Daily Prompt: Goals

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When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?

Starting a blog was not our idea. Barry and I started sessions with a neuropsychological counselor, Dr. J. Since Barry and I had both recently suffered from serious Neurological health issues, we were butting heads regularly and could not decide how to solve our issues.  At the time, she felt we needed a place to write our emotions and situations down. She felt Barry and I would adjust better, to our new lives, if we put got everything out in the open and talked out the issues we wrote about.  

Goal number one would be for us not to hold our emotions in. When a problem or issue occurs, document it. Write down everything, every detail possible. She did not specifically mean a blog, but a journal. I chose a blog, rather than the other, to really get feedback from others on what Barry and I were facing. 

I believe our goal with a journal / blog met and will continue to be met. Barry was uneasy to start. He has never been one to share his emotions. He is learning that we are two new people and that we have to learn to like the new “Barry and Jill”. We are both learning to look at the big picture, called life. For a while, we forgot we needed to care for each other, not just meet our own needs.  We are also figuring out the way to co-exist and falling in love with each other all over again.  

Goal number two was to spend at least an hour per day alone, together. We spent a few weeks having lunch out, daily. Applebees our favorite lunch spot for months.  The staff knew us on site and what our regular order was. As Barry’s health improved, we increased our time and headed to the gym and when able, we added a walking routine to our daily regimen. We continue our exercise routine today. We are slowly working on gardening projects around the house. Our yard has paid the price for our illnesses and we would like to slowly get it up to par.

Barry struggled with retirement. He attempted to go back to work, but was never able to make it past part-time. By mid-day, he was unable to control the stress. He finally bit the bullet and retired at the end of April. In close to 30 days, he almost has his “Honey-do” List completed. Retirement has energized him. I love it!  

The neuropsychological counselor we were seeing had to close her practice due to an illness. Barry and I continue to follow her advice and our relationship grows stronger daily. I am currently facing another serious illness. Barry is being a doll and extremely supportive everyday! 

Thank you, Dr. J! You are with Barry and I daily. God bless you!!!!!

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Lazy Sunday Afternoon…….

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I sit here gazing out my rear window, deep in thought. The past few weeks have kept my head in a spin and it can be difficult to get it to slow down, much less stop. There appears to be a storm blowing up. We can always use the rain and it makes our yard nice and perky.

The birds are flying around, squirrels are bustling everywhere and I watched as a wild rabbit scurried into the log he has called home for some time now. Animals are scampering around the yard as if they are about to miss a big sale. The wind has picked up and the leaves on our trees are making that fluttery sound they make when a brisk wind hits. I can hear a few cars buzz by in the distance. Barry is asleep in his chair for an afternoon nap. Maggie just jumped up in my lap, looked up at me and curled up into my 40+ pound lap dog. The wind has the pine trees, over by the driveway, making a creaking sound. It just amazes me, that here sitting by a little window in the house, all those precious noises of nature can be heard and distinguished from one another. God can do some amazing things.

The bird feeders and wind chimes are starting to sway as the breeze grows stronger.The knockout roses seem to be attempting to turn their pots cover on the front porch. Their blooms remaining intact as the sway in the wind. The stormy weather is definitely closer. My breeze has turned into a moderate wind. The Lantana that is just beginning to come out toward the sunlight is starting to get caught in the wind. My native lilies, at the top of the drive, seem to have hundreds of chipmunks or other small creatures wrestling in the leaves. They are preparing to bloom, I hope this weather doesn’t injure the blooms. 

It appears that time has come to ready myself for our evening church services. I hope we can arrive before this weather and get settled inside. Everyone, please have a safe and happy Sunday evening. We  are in for bad weather through the night again, from what our forecasters are saying. Maybe it won’t get too bad. We have only one casualty from last night’s storms. Our garage door opener either bit the dust or somehow managed to be struck by lightning. We’ll find out in the morning. Gonna call Mr. Repairman.

We made it to and from church without getting wet, thank you Lord! Once we got home, got online with our cable provider and found out our wiring is shot outside the house and we have to wait til Tuesday for a repairman. No internet, no cable and no home phone service for three days. Will we survive?? I promise not to injure Barry, but what if he gets mad enough at me? I can’t run anymore.

You all know I’m teasing. I’ll just drag him out of here, shopping. We need a new car. Never hurts to window shop. We can work in the yard, go to the gym, go hiking, go to the movies. There are many ways I can think of to keep Mr. Baynes busy.He might not like spending money, but he’ll survive!

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Daily Prompt: Too Big To Fail

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Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

Since brain surgery, I’ve had kind of list of things I’d like to do. I wouldn’t call it a bucket list, it is more of a list of the things I’d like to complete in my life time; or things I’ve started and never finished. There are a few items on my list that would qualify for a bucket list, but I am not in need of a bucket list. My list definitely needs to be “The Things I Procrastinated over and Want to Finish”.

Let’s get to the point. This daily prompt made me think of that list. Number One on my list is taking a ‘Zip-line‘ tour. I love the outdoors,gardening, hiking, fishing, boating and all other fun outdoor activities are out of the realm of possibility since becoming disabled. Barry has adapted a few household items to help with my love of gardening and we have narrowed hiking trails down to the safe ones (I never go alone). 

The thing is, I long to be high in the air on a platform, basking in the warm sunshine. I want to reach up, grab hold of that little bar,  and slowly step off the platform. I want to feel the wind on my face and in my hair, I long to feel the sun warming my skin as I glide through the trees, I want to look down at the forest and imagine all the colors are a huge quilt laid out beneath me; I’d love to pass a bird in flight and say “Boo”! I want to bask in God‘s creation.

My health is keeping me from following my dream at the moment.  At the moment, I am not physically capable of handling a Zip-line tour. I’m dealing with breast cancer, which is turning into my latest stop on the Cowden Syndrome trail. I have a genetic disease that is slowly eating its way through my body. Putting off my zip-line tour this time is only the 7th time we have done so. Hopefully, this fall, I’ll be healthy enough to go for a little tour through the trees. Wish me luck!

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy...

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy. Taken January 4, 2005 in Costa Rica at the Arenal Paraiso Hotel’s zip-line course. This course requires self-braking using a special purpose-built reinforced leather glove Photo taken by Ken Haufle. Category:Zip-line (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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Mother: Part 2

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I was heartbroken to realize mom was crying this afternoon. It breaks my heart to see her cry. She gets confused when she cries.

When I sat her down to talk, I apologized for not realizing she wasn’t feeling her best and asked what the problem was. Mom proceeded to tell me she was upset with herself and didn’t know what to do.

Do to health reasons, mom has recently had to give up driving and gave her car to my youngest sister. If she’s not driving, why carry the cost of a car. Well, this afternoon, when mom went out to gather her tools for gardening and realized she did not have everything she needed, life hit her in the face.

When the thought of her inability to drive hit her, she lost it. She says it felt like her independence was flying out the door. She said she understood and knew it was time, but it would take her some time to get used to the feeling. 

She wanted to go to Wal-mart and realized she could not drive. She said it hit hard and she started crying. When she asked me where she could plant her plants in the sun, I argued with her for asking because I was almost asleep.

Barry helped me outside to go through the gardening spots with mom. We spent an hour outside helping her decide where she needs to plant certain things. Just that hour of time outside with her eased the painful thoughts she was having. Talking it out helped. We talked as we looked for garden spots, she felt better when we all decided it was time to eat.

She is thrilled that, my sister Sandy, is taking her to my nephew, Daniel’s college graduation, next weekend. She was so excited when she told me she was going. Like a big kid going to Six Flags. She got her hair cut, so she’s looking great! Mom likes to dress up and go places. She cleans up well.

I need to check to make sure all of her medications are packed and ready to go. I need to get copies of everything for Sandy. I want her to be set to have a good time. She deserves it.

It is so close to Mother’s Day! I don’t like to see mom upset. Barry and I both are glad Sandy is taking her on this trip. It will do her spirits some good.

Kristie and her family, Barry and I, and now I guess I’ll ask Sandy and Dennis, are taking mom to lunch at the Chinese Buffet in Snellville after church on Sunday. That will perk her up to. She needs to be showered with attention at times. We all love you very much, Mom!

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Growing Up in the Shadows, Part 2

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Stairsteps3

Stairsteps3

My sister’s and I are now adults. There have been many changes. Once, Sandy and I were close, but I have become much closer to Kristie as we grew up.

Sandy married early and started a family early. She and her husband, Dennis, have twin boys and a girl. All but one are out on their own with their families started. Derrek is the hold out, he is looking for his perfect mate. I have no doubt he will find her eventually.

Someone Dennis worked with, introduced me to my first husband. I was head-over-hills in love. We were married and I moved to Madison, Ga., lovely little town. I discovered while in Madison, I missed Kristie terribly. Twelve years later I was divorced and living back in my childhood home.

While Sandy and I were doing the marriage thing in Madison, Kristie got stuck dealing with mom and dad as they filed for divorce. For years, mom firmly stated, the minute Kristie was out of high school she was leaving.

Two weeks, to date of Kristie’s graduation, mom packed up and left. I felt so bad. She had been threatening for years, I guess I never thought she’d. Mom was really good with acting on her present tense threats, not her future threats. She generally forgot what she had threatened.

I was proud of Kristie, she dealt with the mess at home, started school, helped daddy through finding an apartment and moved in with him. Pop is a pack rat and living with him was not easy. Kristie made a forever friend at school and her home became Kristie’s second home. It was good to see her happy for a change.

Mom met and married her second husband sometime in this period. Just thinking of my mother on a date is scary, but actually getting married. When we would call to talk to her, he would claim he did not know her. Things really did not get better.

We found out somethings from his past, that made Sandy and her husband refuse to let mom see their kids until she divorced him. This only made mom mad. Mom went to Sandy’s one day and flattened all her car tires.

She proceeded to The Office of the Department of Family and Children’s Services. She reported to a case worker that Sandy and Dennis were mentally abusing their children by not letting them see their grandmother.

What mom didn’t realize was that she was talking to a close friend of mine. My husband being in Law Enforcement, she called him the minute mom left her office. She told my ex that my sisters and I needed to go to the courthouse to have mom committed for incompetence. The sad thing is, back then, neither Sandy, Kristie or I had the nerve to do it. We knew what we’d have to deal with when they let her out!

Not long after that, Kristie met her husband. They were married and starting a family early. Kristie and I found out we were pregnant at the same time, about a months difference. I miscarried for the fifth time and Kristie delivered Jonny. He is like my child.

This pregnancy was the end of my marriage. My husbands attitude changed and it started to effect our marriage. It wasn’t long after that we filed for divorce.

Sandy stayed busy with her happy home and wonderful kids. It used to aggravate me beyond means for my mother to drive past my home, to Sandy’s. She would then call me and say “get out here to see me,” even as an adult, my mother put me in the shadows because I didn’t have grandchildren.

Sandy has worked hard and has a beautiful family to be proud of. Kristie has done the same. She has two beautiful boys she is busy raising. They have both done incredible jobs being moms.  I spent these years focusing on my career and working. I’ve done a great job spoiling their kids rotten. Thanks to Julie-bug, I can start spoiling the second generation.

Kristie had been married a few months when I got divorced. I moved back into my childhood bedroom and attempted to get my life together. Jonathan was the light of my life. When he was old enough, I took him everywhere.

His bottle was my alarm clock every morning, he would beat me in the head saying “Gege” until I got up. He towers over me know. We had such special times together when he was younger. I wish I was able to do the same things with Marek, the little man of the family. I miss the old me, but the new me gets better every day.

I had several jobs until I found the place I loved. I was still in that profession when I was forced to retire due to the brain tumor.

This position required me to train people and do a lot of one-on-one speaking with families and corporate officials. I have been brought out of my shell. Taking care of myself wasn’t easy, but I learned I could do it alone.

Not long after starting this position, I met Barry. Little did I know, I had just met the love of my life. Barry was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He was sweet, handsome, funny and such s gentlemen.

Our one quirk, is his son, Frank, hates me. I have done everything I know to do for that child and he still hates every inch of ground I walk on.

Our health issues started with Barry, but his had been under control, with medications, for years. The hospital trips started with me and the brain tumor, then the thyroid cancer, then it switched to Barry’s heart valve, back to my gallbladder and knee scope; next came Barry’s stroke and my breast cancer. We’re gonna stop there for now. I don’t want to give any body parts ideas…we’re running out!

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For the Week of April 28, 2013: Writing as a Spiritual Practice

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Through the exchange of stories, we help heal each other’s spirits…Isn’t this what a spiritual life is about?

–Patrice Vecchione, Writing and the Spiritual Life

Writing for me is an outlet to show my true self. Writing allows me to be completely honest with the world and myself. I have become more verbal on topics I would normally hold in to eat me alive with stress.

Recently, I have felt a new strength developing through my writing. I feel my faith has strengthened and I am changing as a human being. I look at the world differently. As a child, I the beauty of the world amazes and astounds us. As adults we have forgotten what a beautiful place we have been blessed with by our precious Lord. It suggests the old saying. “Stop and Smell the Roses”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_and_Smell_the_Roses

I look at my family, friends and life in general differently. My health has been a huge factor in the changes noted in me. I have been through so many lab tests, x-rays, CAT Scans and MRI’s that you could probably see me glowing in space or find me easily with a satellite. Dealing with my rare genetic disorder has brought patience and tolerance into my life (which are 2 things I was sorely lacking in). I’m a nurse. I once thought I was blessed with the patience of Job until receiving my first diagnosis and my roller coaster ride started. After brain surgery, I quickly learned to dislike the word, Time! I’ll re-post from my blog on ‘Time’.

           ******This is a re-blog. I felt it was appropriate to post it again, cuz that old       dislike is the word ‘Time’ is coming out again. I have something go wrong and I feel like crap-ola. All the doctor’s office can say is give it time, they will come in. I truly do not like being in this position. One thing has changed since I wrote this, I have been reminded that I am not supposed to worry about things. I need to put it in God’s hands, he is in control. So much has gone on since 2009, I had kinda forgotten that huge fact. I am actually beginning to feel more at ease about my illness. I do not like getting worse, but I have to remember, I’m just getting closer to him. Honestly, being able to give a little of this worry up is wonderful! I’m loving the peace!*****************************************

I learned to hate that word several years ago. When you are healing after anything to do with the brain, everyone’s favorite thing to say is ” Time, just give it time.”. I do not know about anyone else, but both Barry and I are a tad impatient. Time is a word impatient people can’t stand.

I have to admit that I enjoyed paying Barry back with a few time comments. You have to understand my husband’s quirky sense of humor. I know he thoroughly enjoyed telling me “Give it time.”. He smiled and giggled a little too much after saying it. I turned it around and now use it on him just a little. I tried to hide my snickering.

OK, well down to the news I need to share. My visit to neuro-oncologist was quite informative. He gave us more information than we have ever received from other doctors. He confirmed that I do have Cowden Syndrome. With my medical history, he doesn’t feel the blood test is necessary. He is scheduling an MRI of the brain and a full body PET Scan. He says he hopes they are both negative, but to be ready for the possibility. Said it could be as simple as the thyroid cancer not being totally removed or something else manifesting in the neurological symptoms that have been popping up. Here we go again with that word, TIME! Barry and I are praying and giving it to God. If it’s meant to be……….

I have always been a very compassionate person, to the point of being a sucker. Barry’s stroke strengthened my faith and spirituality. When he was healthy enough, we found a church to call home. We are enjoying getting to know the church community and trying to find which ministry we would like to be part of.

My health would be my precipitating event. Since 2000, I have had 3 spinal epidurals; been through a year with a masseuse; a year with a pain management doctor; been through thyroid cancer three times; my tonsils grew back and removed a second time; had brain surgery for a benign cerebellar tumor; been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that causes tumors to form through my body; lost my gall bladder. had a ruptured cyst in my left breast and am now facing breast cancer. Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.

I have definitely felt the need to get closer to God and learn more about my religion. I study the bible regularly. I have learned more about the Bible in the last year than I ever did attending church as a child. Barry and I read together every evening. We are trying to get through the bible before summertime.

My re-found spirituality has helped me to notice and appreciate the world around me again. My relationships with my family have improved. I love my husband more everyday! I thank the good Lord daily for bringing him into my life.

Barry and I are now taking care of my mother. She wasn’t in a healthy home-life with her husband. When her health started to decline, she moved in with us. It was a bit of a struggle to start, but we are getting used to each other. I have written about the transition we went through when she moved in. It has been healthy for Barry and I to work on the posts together.

In closing, in my opinion writing has changed my life. I look forward to it daily and enjoy planning my post each week.

For this week:  How has writing deepened your spirituality?  Your compassion or insight?  How have faith and spirituality manifested themselves in your life?  Was there a precipitating event?  Write about the prayer that writing becomes, the spiritual journey that writing has helped you discover.