Category Archives: family matters

Daily Prompt| Origin Story

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I have always kept a journal. Summarizing the day always seemed to make me feel better and helped get any feelings out that I usually would let build inside myself until I got angry.

I gave the journals up with my first marriage. I missed the writing, but I was focused on being a new wife,  no time to write.

Barry and I started the blog after we both dealt with serious illnesses.  Barry suffered a Massive Right MCA Stroke in 2011 and I had brain surgery in 2009 to remove a brain tumor. The tumor was benign, but it left me with a few after effects. The tumor he was unable to remove, started pressing into my cranial nerves causing twitches, voice trouble and neck problems.

The tumor ended up being a side effect to a genetic disorder that can cause all sorts of health issues. Barry has been released from his neurologist care, but just needs to call if any issues pop up. My neurosurgeon has released for the next five years. As long as I have no issues, I only have to see his funny face every five years, I love it!

The blog was originally the idea of our Neurological Counselor. She felt that if we wrote our feelings down, we could manage any issues better. It has truly helped. Barry and I communicate better, we aren’t cranky with each other, and our relationship has improved. This helps us transition through issues as they come up.

We continue to blog today, because it is helping to retrain our brains and keep our writing skills as sharp as we can. We work on the daily prompts together. Keeps the brain sharp. We enjoy writing together. We pass ideas around until we come up with a good response to the daily prompt. I do the weekend post. Barry does two post a week and I do the other two days. Most of the time, we work on all the post together. It has become an important part of our day!

Daily Prompt: Pat on the Back

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Tell someone you’re proud of just how proud you are.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us SUCCESS.

Our nephew, Jonathan, has overcome tons of odds to get where he is today. He has trouble with attention at times and has faught tooth and nail to keep his schoolwork up. He can be a bit lazy, but has made the grade every year and becomes more focused daily.

He loves the outdoors and working outside. His favorite pasttime is torturing his little brother. He has matured so much in the past year. He is turning into quite a nice young man.

He is so handsome at fifteen years old. The good thing is, he hasn’t discovered girls yet. I cannot believe they aren’t beating the door down. Hopefully he will not notice girls until he is in college.

He shows me such respect and is the only person around, other than Barry that doesn’t treat me like I’m a different person since the brain surgery. I’m still Aunt Jill to him. That rewards him the greatest respect from me. To have him show me that kind of respect at his age amazes me.

I cannot believe he is such a sweetheart. I beam with pride as I watch him grow into such a good young man. I’d love to think I might have had a small influence on him. It is an honor to call him my nephew. Who knows?

How to get from what if to so what? | Give it to God

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My life is full of fear daily, my illness can pop up with a change at any moment, the good Lord helps me manage that fear. I have focused on what if this happens, what if that hapoens, I am learning to  focus away from the pain and find something positive to focus on.

Giving my pain and issues over to the Lord has made my life so much simplier. I do not stress as much as I used to about the little things in life. Allbeit my health is not a little thing, but the Lord eases my anxiety.

Although I am almost through with my chemo treatments, with radiation coming up quickly, I find myself wondering what next? My counselor says it is time to let that go and get to the point of saying so what when something new happens. Get straight to handing things over to the Lord and get on with your life. Just handle it and don’t worry! I’m getting there, but I need a little more practice. God is still helping eith my coping skills.

Setting boundaries with family is another issue altogether. I have to pray about it a little more. Still looking for answers on how to handle that situation. Wish us luck!

My mother’s appetite

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Today, we arrived at my sister’s home to sit with pop while Kristie took Little Man to an appointment. The minute mom walked in the house, she had a plate of what Kristie was cooking for supper and had made herself comfy at the dining room table. It was getting late, so they rushed off to the apointment.

The minute they walked back in the house, mom sat her drink down next to her bag of candy. She headed straight for the kitchen again. She returned with a bowl of bean soup and cornbread. After that, she returned with a slice of cornbread. She said she wasn’t full yet, so she made a ham sandwich for the road. She finished the sandwich before she left and went after the cornbread again. My sister asked me to get her out of there, so she didn’t have to bake more bread.

All of this eating took place in about 10 minutes. I took her bowl away and said it is time to go mom. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

In memory of Ms. Eva Frady Baynes Roper

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Barry and I were dating, marriage had not been thought about yet, when he got the news that his mother was sick and his step’father neefed our help. It was the first time his stepfather had ever called with any issue concerning his mother.

He had been taking her to a doctor, home health had been ordered and the things they needed him to do at home, he was unable to accomplish. He was asking for help, unsure of what to do himself. Barry and I made a few phone calls and scheduled a few doctors appointments, then headed to Calhoun to check her health status out for ourselves.

One toe on her left foot had turned totally black. The orders the home health agency had was to soak the foot two times daily and apply an ointment and dressing to the toe. The physician had started her on medications for the problem.

Two days later, Barry and I took the two of them to the doctor ourselves and talked to the doctors ourselves. Her diabetes was out of control and she was about to lose that toe. He tweaked her medications a little and sent us home.

The next day, the home health nurse called my cell phone looking for Barry. She felt her health status had changed drastically and was calling an ambulance to send her to the hospital. I immediately called Barry and we headed to Calhoun.

Her kidney doctor did a test that let us know her kidney’s were failing and it would not be long.

While in the hospital, I was talking to his mom and told her that she had to get better. She asked why? I told her that son of her’s was eventually going to ask me to marry him and she would have a wedding to attend. I had to lean in to hear her, but she said, “Do not worry, I’ll be there”! At our wedding, Barry sat two chairs off to themselves for his parents. It was so sweet!

We spent the next three nights sharing a cot by his mother’s hospital bed. We decided to head home to shower and change clothes. Home was a two hour ride. Of course, the minute we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. She had passed away a few minutes prior to the call.

We let James know, we would be back early in the morning, showered and headed to bed. We were exhausted. We had plans to make.

The next day, we called to see about checking Frank out of school to get to the funeral. He took the news hard. His mother was unable to pick him up, but my dad was kind enough to drive me down to pick him up. It was a two day trip, we stayed the night in a hotel and headed back to Calhoun the next morning. Frank’s school was on the Georgia coast and Calhoun almost in Tennessee.

The funeral viewing had begun when we arrived. I have to admit I was a little angry with Barry’s ex-wife when we arrived. She could not make the trip to pick her son up for the funeral, but she could rent a hotel room and head to his mother’s house to start picking out what she wanted and driving poor Barry into a nervous frenzy. My aging father took the time to help me accomplish that task and she never said as much as a “thank you”.

I calmed Barry and got serious about circulating. Ignoring the cause os his nerve overload. Ms. Eva had a wonderful turnout. The mortician had done a beautiful job. The church service was well-done. Frank’s tearful memories were my undoing.

At the graveside service, the flowers were beautiful. As everyone was leaving the service to head back for lunch at the church. Barry, Frank, and I stayed back to take a few photos and take time for our good-byes.

Just as I said, “Ms. Eva, don’t worry, I’ll take care of your boys!” At that very moment, a rose fell off the casket in front of Barry and Frank and landed at their feet. We all froze and looked at one another. We still have those roses in a bible today!

Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 21, 2013: Returning “Home”

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Barry and I do lot of traveling, unfortunately we haven’t had time for a trip just “for us”. Most of our traveling has been to doctors, labs, coumadin clinics, nuerology clinic’s, oncology clinics, breast specislist, and infusion centers. Those are just for Barry and I, we also handle mom’s doctor’s trips.

Eventually we have plans for ourselves, but I think we will save that for the end of the year. Somewhere quiet that feels like home. Just the two of us, always alone. Loving time together, spoiling each other. After the few years we have been through, we deserve it.

We are discussing some where to spend Christmas away from home. Might take to puppy dog with us. Who knows! Anything is possible.

Returning “home” is the project, so let me stop babbling and get to it. Although our traveling has not been for pleasure, coming home still feels like heaven.

A trip to the grocery store feels like a 10K roadrace at time. So walking back into our meager abode from any trip away from it, is a pleasure.  I love the sight of my fuzzy, velour blanket draped over the arm of my favorite chair in the living room.

Waiting by my chair is Barry’s favorite rocker/recliner. He loves to rock, it relaxes him. His favorite blanket over the arm of his chair, also. His is fuzzy, plaid. But he is so cute asleep, with it cuddled under his chin.

Waiting at home for us, usually, is our sweet little Maggie with her Boxer waggle. Walk into the house and she makes you feel like you have been gone for weeks. She loves you to pieces whether you have been gone five minutes or a week. She loves you no matter what. Unconditional love, what you give your family on a daily basis. Did the Good Lord bless man’s best friend eith such a wonderful quality?

The feeling of brings warmth and comfort over you. Relaxation sets in and the comfy clothes come out. The clothes you would not be seen in public in, along with your favorite slippers. No matter how ratty. In “The Wizard of Oz”, Dorothy could have not said it better with “there is no place like home, there is no place like home”. There is truly, no place like home. Even without ruby red slippers to get you there.

My Sisters, Wonder Woman in disguise…..Bet you never knew there were three

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I am the middle child of three girls. We grew up in a small-town called Winder, Georgia, in the late seventies into the eighties. We are quite a mix, but we make it work. We all have excessively busy lives. We live within 30 minutes of each other and hardly ever see one another.

I’ll start with the oldest, Sandy, Wonder Women number one. She is hardworking, smart,detail oriented, sweet, loving, caring, kind-hearted, meticulous, adores her children and grandchidren, keeps an emmaculate home, takes incredible care of her husband, whom is wheelchair-bound from a spinal cord tumor. Dennis gets around and takes care of himdelf during the day, he even drives. He manages several household chores and always makes sure Sandy has a hot meal ready at night. She is the secretary at her church and drives a school bus for the county they live in.

She likes things done her way or no way; she doesn’t care to see things go wrong; she believes it is ok to plan gatherings the day before she wants to have it; she tells you what time something will start or what time she will arrive, but is always on average two hours late; but on the other hand. She has my love and respect, but I have to admit, I do not know how she does it. I would have packedup and run away a long time ago. She is one tired, incredible woman and I love her dearly. 

Our relationship has changed since I got sick. I miss the relationship Sandy and I had. We will probably never get it back. I had enough trouble accepting the “new me”, how can I expect others to understand and accept the changes I deal with daily. I just want to be included. If I am able, I’ll be there!

Brain injuries make a person vulnerable to infections and other things that could be deadly. That fact has kept me closer to home in the past few years. I’m a great aunt, now. I’d love to be able to play and have fun with them, just as I did her kids growing up. We had some great times.

Enough of that. Let’s get to Wonder Women number two, my younger sister, Kristie. Kristie is sweet, kind-hearted, loving, caring, smart, adores her dhildren and husband, focused, detail-oriented, hard-working, and is currently using her super powers to take care of father, who is gravely ill. Sandy snd I have helped when we could, but it hasn’t been close to enough to give her a break.

Kristie surprised me after I had brain surgery, she visited daily for a few weeks and cooked several meals, so we wouldn’t have to worry about it. She helped get me to rehab when Barry had a conflict. This was so sweet. Not that she hasn’t been sweet in the past,  Barry and I just were not expecting it. Thank you, Kris!

Kristie has a quick temper and let you know when she thinks you are wrong. I did not witness this, but she took a 6’6″ man to the ground and beat him up. Mom called her a “lightening bolt” when getting her up for school in our younger days. She still carries a bolt in her back pocket.

I love both my sisters with all my heart and will do anything in the world for both of them. Thank you both for being there when I have needed you! I could not have gotten better sisters if I had ordered them from a catalog. God truly blessed me in the sister department! Thank you, Dear Lord for my sisters!

Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 14, 2013: Music is Good Medicine by Jill Baynes

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After my brain surgery, I longed for the ability to sing. The side effects caused from the unremovable portion of the tumor, took my voice away. The tumor left in my head is pressing into cranial nerves, causing many of numerous parts of my body to malfunction from the shoulders up. The one thing I miss the most, continued to be the ability to sing.

I sang in chior as a child at church and continued into adult choir. As a middle-schooler, they offered chorus. I tried out and made the chorus in middle-school, then continued through high school. Apparently, I was blessed with a high soprano voice. At one point, I could actually hit a high C.

I loved to sing in the car. Especially when I was all by myself. I’d crank the radio up and sing my head off! I loved it. I miss it!

Barry and I found a church home locally last year. Since singing at church, I have been able to at least put words together that comes out like singing. It is not pretty, but the words come in a gersion of song. Thanks to our weekly worship, the good Lord is helping me find my voice again. I pray to thank Him for his blessings daily and sing my heart out weekly. Hopefully, my voice will continue to strengthen. In my case, music has definitely been good medicine.

When it is our turn to be the parent

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As many of you know, my mother lives with Barry and I. The task has gotten easier, but it makes it tough on the relationship between the three of us. Mom doesn’t want to take ownership of her illness and when Barry and I do things to assist her level of function; she accuses us of treating her like a child.

With her memory becoming an issue, she has become difficult to handle in public on certain days. I have to judge her mood before we go out of the house. We had an issue at Wal-Mart, when Barry and I were not getting to her shopping list fast enough. It was quite interesting to have your mother screaming in a public place, becsuse she did not want to forget the cat food.

At church, several Sundays ago, in the middle of Worship Service mom had a question pop in her head for the Pastor. Durng the middle of the sermon, she got up and headed for the pulpit. The Pastor motioned for someone to take her aside to see if they could help. I froze, when I saw what she was doing. I was unsure of what to do or if I should do anything. The Pastor saved the day.

At home, things are working better becauee we have a set routine. Mom is learning to use the whiteboard and makes a list daily of things she would like to accomplish. When we have downtime, I suggest a task for the day that will keep her busy. Mom is helping us do the cooking, she loves to cook and really loves making us eat right. Barry is enjoying having her around finally. If we can speed up her getting ready to go time, life will get even better. Her vurrent get ready speed is around three hours.

On a different note, my father was admitted to the hospital again yesterday. His health is failing fast. It breaks my heart to see him so weak. He has such a strong will and is losing it quickly. Please send a few prayers his way. We can use all we can get!

Mom
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Pop
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Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 7, 2013: The Heroes in Our Lives

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Heros come in many shapes and sizes.  They can be man or in some cases animal. They can be simple or complex, like your favorite movie star or super hero. Many definitions for such a tiny little word.

A hero can be someone you admire, someone that has actually saved your life or helped you through a rough patch in your life. Anywhere you look in this world, you could see a hero.

I would say I have several heroes in my life. Maggie, our treasured family pet, on several occassions has saved me from burning the house down.

After brain surgery, I experienced a little problem with attention. I’d put something on to cook and forget about it. Maggie quickly reminded me when something was not right in the kitchen.

There was another time Maggie came to the rescue. My mother had fallen in her bedroom, she was calling out for help, but I could not hear her. Maggie quickly let me know something was wrong and I was able to help mom quickly. Thank goodness she was ok.

Another person I consider my hero is my husband. Emotionally, my husband is my hero. He has been by my side, the past few years; helping with whatever I need without a single grumble or complaint, he is the sweetest man on earth, compassionate, loving, caring, he keeps me laughing and is always supportive. I do not know what I’d do without him.

My dad is next on my list of heros. He is sweet, loving, and has such a huge heart. Growing up, dad left home, to work, before we got up and did not get home until we were in bed again. We only saw uim on the weekends. He had a second job he worked on the weekends. It was nice, because we could go spend time with him. Thank you, Pop for working so hard and giving us the life we had. I love you more than you know.

Mom was not a happy camper when he went to the bowling alley, but he worked so much, one night a week to do something he enjoyed did not feel like a bad idea to me. Mom and dad divorced when Kristie was a teenager. Pop retired soon after that. As pop got older, he joined the flea market crowds and opened a booth to sale the items he was collecting. He is currently not doing well and is fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his independence. I pray that he knows the Good Lord as his Savior and is ready for his place in heaven. He says he is. The Good Lord will show him the way when the time comes.

The only “military” heros I am aware of, in the family, are my Uncle Gerald and my Uncle Ken. Both are from my dad’s side of the family. Uncle Gerald was killed somewhere in the Phillipines before I was born. Uncle Ken was the uncle I never really got to know growing up. His official demeanor scared me a little as a child, and then we never really had an opportunity to get to know each other. It is my own fault, I wish I had taken the time to know him. I can’t do this any longer, he passed away a few years ago. I have the honor of knowing my Uncle Ken is buried in Arlington Cemetary in Washington, D.C..

My hero list is short, but it is a tough list to beat. The people on my list would probably laugh at me for calling them heros, but in my book, they are topnotch!