Category Archives: Life as we know it

Round Two Prep: Clearing the Margins

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As my second trip under the knife, for breast cancer approaches, my mind is clear and worry free. I think of the tasks I need to complete before leaving in the morning, a sweet lady from church is taking mom to her appointment in the morning, Maggie will be taken care of when we leave, and my bag is packed. All Barry and I need to do is get up and leave.

Although my mind is clear, I’m not looking forward to even light anesthesia.  I’m not fully out of the last round and here I go again. Maybe it will flush out easily. I’m learning to enjoy water again. Maybe that is my lesson of the month, drink more water.

I need to be up by 4am, if I can ever get to sleep. I’m tired, but my head doesn’t want to stop. I’ll lay down in a few minutes. Barry is taking me tomorrow and he’ll be alone. Hopefully he will not be a nervous wreck. I worry anout him being alone. He is tolerating stress better than he used to.

For the week of May 26, 2013, Writing through Cancer

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Reclaim the sacred in your life.  Embrace quiet, the stillness.  Meander along a trail, near the sea, the woods, a long walk along city streets.  Take in the sights, sounds, smells, and movement.  Write about what you see—one single observation.  Describe it and let it take you wherever it takes you.

Sunday afternoon is my favorite time of the week. Mom knows Barry is watching Nascar, which means we get approximately 3 hours of total peace and quiet.  No interruptions, just Barry, myself and Maggie May. Oops….I can’t forget Shotgun, the fish.

Don’t get me wrong, having mom here is turning into a blessing. I feel better knowing she is close, since Barry and I have handled illnesses like hers, in the past. Although she can be challenging to deal with at times, she is my mommy and has a way of keeping life interesting around the house.

On Sunday afternoon, Barry and I veg-out in our chairs in the living room. Maggie will make the rounds from me, to Barry and then to the couch, where she will usually stay snuggled up in her blanket. She is the sweetest looking thing all snuggled up and sleeping.

The funny thing with our little pup, is that she poots (little squeakers) and snores like a sailor when sleeping. If you are sitting near her when the squeakers start, Move fast!

As Barry and I watch the race, I can hear the bubbling fish tank in the background. Noise from the street is minimal, most days. The weekends appear to bring out Motorcycle alley, on the road behind us. I think a local riding group meets at the clubhouse nearby to start there weekend ride.

We live in a beautiful area to ride. I enjoy hearing the motors ride by every weekend. Maggie doesn’t understand and spends time watching them out the window. Just precious.

As the racecars on the television make their preverbial left turn for the Nascar fans; the hum of the engines slowly makes my nap draw closer. I spend my time during the race talking with Barry, making a list of things I need to do for the week, and I work on my nails. When my body is to the point, that the hum of the engines makes me want to curl up with a pillow and blanket, I do! I usually sleep like a baby, until Barry wakes me up to get ready for church.

My house is not perfectly clean. It looks lived in. In my opinion, your home should be clean and lived in. There are a few clothes I need to hang up on the rocker. The pup keeps the couch turned upsidedown. Barry is quietly rocking in his recliner, close to napping himself. Mom is very quiet in the back. I need to checkmon her.

Here I sit, typing my post. If I’m not too sleepy, I’ll get my word for the weekend posted. Otherwise, I’ll play catch up all week. My everyone have a wonderful Memorial Day! Shake a soldiers hand and say thank you. Hope everyonenis blessed with weather as gorgeous as ours. Be safe!

My sweet Brother-in-law, Libor and my nephew, Jonathan

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I made a request to these guys this morning. They were closeby working and we needed help with a few things. I asked if they could stop by for a few minutes and lend Aunt Jill a hand, while Uncle Barry wasn’t feeling well.

I had 2 trees to plant and we needed a hole dug for the new mailbox. The Mailman is getting serious with his suggestions that we need a new one. Hint taken, we are working on it!

Libor and Jonathan blew through here mowed the grass, did the weed eating, trimmed a huge shrub, cut down a tree that was growing into the house, used the blower, and dug the holes I needed.  Jonny even put the trees in the holes for me. When it cools off a little, I need to go put water on them.

I thank the Lord daily for my family. Ask for a little help and get the works! The sweetest guys on earth!

My Adorable Husband

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I have to share a something my sweetheart of a husband did this week, with a tiny goof-up!

Barry has been Mr. Romance this week. The ring pictured above was a little surprise I received earlier this week. We stopped in the jewelry store to dop off a ring for repair.

While in the store, one of the saleswomen brought this beautiful ring to me and requested I try it on. She had my white gold band with her and handed it to me also. I thought Barry must haven left his band for cleaning, I was a little confused.

Once the ring was on my finger, Barry said Happy ‘Belated’ Anniversay. He proceeded to say ‘ We have had a rough few months and we were not able to do our anniversary up right last month.’ He kissed my cheek and said ‘I love you, honey. Happy Anniversary!’ It was so sweet.

The funny part or ‘BIG BOOBOO’ came a few minutes later when Barry pulled my wedding band out of his pocket for me to put on.

One of the medications I have been on cause my hands to swell. I haven’t been able to wear my band for a few months.

The funny part is that Barry had given, the jewelry store, his wedding band to be cleaned and enlarged. He had my band thinking it was his. So I am now wearing his band with my new engagement ring.

          Just a little side note: My original band was       stolen. We are not positive when, but are sure we have a good idea what happened to it. Barry went with the Saphire because I had always wanted something different.

When he took the bands in, earlier that morning, he had his band on his ring finger and mine on his pinky. He took the ring off his ring finger and left it to be worked on, leaving my band on his pinky. The engraving on my new wedding band (Barry’s band) was gone with the size change.

For Christmas this year, I’ll sneak our rings away to Santa’s workshop for a fresh engraving. He’ll like that!          
             

              Mr. Barry Baynes, the love of my life!

For the Week of May 19, 2013: Happy Anniversary

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Sitting here, I try to think about what to do with this writing prompt and I am finding it hard to make my decision. There are so many things in my life that could be referenced as an anniversary; but then they should be considered important dates in my life, but I do not see the point of calling them anniversaries. It actually depresses me a little to place that much importance on such painful memories.

If I called any of my memorable pain filled days an anniversary, it would be the day I found out about my diagnosis of Cowden Syndrome and gangliocytoma, a brain tumor. This is the date that forever changed my life. A day I will never forget.   The brilliant neurologist that was chosen to give me the news, was greatly in need of bedside manner training, instead of Shock and Awe Therapy. It has been my experience, that when the news is bad, the doctor has no tact at all or they tell you the least amount of info possible; the worst thing in the world to do is research on the internet. It will only manage to scare you silly. A bit of info goes absolutely nowhere.

I prefer to keep happy things for anniversaries. Maybe I should look at each yearly anniversary of my illness as a good thing. After all, I am still alive and kicking. But I owe that to the Good Lord above. My life is in his hands, he watches over Barry and I. Our faith keeps us going.

This leads me to what I really consider the important days in my life. The day I met my husband (10/31/1998); the date we started dating (12/15/2001); the first time he kissed me ( 01/02/2002); the date he proposed ( 11/13/2003) my 38th birthday; our wedding date (4/3/2004); and then my diagnosis date (2/25/09); saw my neurosurgeon (4/1/2009); and had brain surgery (4/6/2009) five days after my fifth wedding anniversary.

The other dates are just part of God‘s plan for my life. I know when they are because I have to give my medical history a million times in a week. I should know it by heart, but I do have days I cannot remember brushing my teeth in the morning. So I keep a nice, tidy list of medications and medical history on my tablet. Which is a permanent part of my purse. I call it my brain.

There was a time that I felt like someone or something was out to get me. Through the Grace of God, I have handled my latest illness without feeling like a nut job. I’ll explain a little further; since the year 2000, I have gone under general anesthesia 14 times. My tonsils have been removed 2 times (40+ years apart). When it was discovered I had Thyroid Cancer, it took 3 treatments and full body scans to clear it out of my body. (after my thyroid gland was removed); they were unable to fully remove the brain tumor and I am suffering from after effects of the tumor moving around in my head, pressing into cranial nerves. My vocal chords twitch constantly; I have difficulty swallowing; breathing is difficult at times; my left arm and leg are in constant pain;  my balance was affected by the brain surgery, so I have trouble standing and walking. Trust me, you do not want to see me run!

This is not everything, but it is enough to show you that I am depending on my Faith for survival. It has always been my philosophy, that when you tell me I cannot do something it just makes me want to do it more. Helps me yo fight off those feelings of I cannot do this any longer.

If I need to have an anniversary, I think I would stick to April 6th, 2009. Other than my wedding day, that is the date that changed my life. My sweet husband has been by my side through it all. With our wedding anniversary being so close to “The New Me” anniversary, we celebrate through the month of April. Once the weather is warm enough, we plant a new flower in our “Victory Garden”. We spend the.month of April writing each other love notes and planning what to do on our days. Then we choose a plant to enhance our Garden. I’d share a picture if I had a new one. Nothing is blooming yet, thus far. I’ll snap a shot when it starts.

THANK YOU, BARRY BAYNES, for making all our anniversaries special! I Love You to the moon and back!

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Lazy Sunday Afternoon…….

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I sit here gazing out my rear window, deep in thought. The past few weeks have kept my head in a spin and it can be difficult to get it to slow down, much less stop. There appears to be a storm blowing up. We can always use the rain and it makes our yard nice and perky.

The birds are flying around, squirrels are bustling everywhere and I watched as a wild rabbit scurried into the log he has called home for some time now. Animals are scampering around the yard as if they are about to miss a big sale. The wind has picked up and the leaves on our trees are making that fluttery sound they make when a brisk wind hits. I can hear a few cars buzz by in the distance. Barry is asleep in his chair for an afternoon nap. Maggie just jumped up in my lap, looked up at me and curled up into my 40+ pound lap dog. The wind has the pine trees, over by the driveway, making a creaking sound. It just amazes me, that here sitting by a little window in the house, all those precious noises of nature can be heard and distinguished from one another. God can do some amazing things.

The bird feeders and wind chimes are starting to sway as the breeze grows stronger.The knockout roses seem to be attempting to turn their pots cover on the front porch. Their blooms remaining intact as the sway in the wind. The stormy weather is definitely closer. My breeze has turned into a moderate wind. The Lantana that is just beginning to come out toward the sunlight is starting to get caught in the wind. My native lilies, at the top of the drive, seem to have hundreds of chipmunks or other small creatures wrestling in the leaves. They are preparing to bloom, I hope this weather doesn’t injure the blooms. 

It appears that time has come to ready myself for our evening church services. I hope we can arrive before this weather and get settled inside. Everyone, please have a safe and happy Sunday evening. We  are in for bad weather through the night again, from what our forecasters are saying. Maybe it won’t get too bad. We have only one casualty from last night’s storms. Our garage door opener either bit the dust or somehow managed to be struck by lightning. We’ll find out in the morning. Gonna call Mr. Repairman.

We made it to and from church without getting wet, thank you Lord! Once we got home, got online with our cable provider and found out our wiring is shot outside the house and we have to wait til Tuesday for a repairman. No internet, no cable and no home phone service for three days. Will we survive?? I promise not to injure Barry, but what if he gets mad enough at me? I can’t run anymore.

You all know I’m teasing. I’ll just drag him out of here, shopping. We need a new car. Never hurts to window shop. We can work in the yard, go to the gym, go hiking, go to the movies. There are many ways I can think of to keep Mr. Baynes busy.He might not like spending money, but he’ll survive!

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Writing Through Cancer Daily Prompt for the week of May 12, 2013: “Mommy, It’s Your Happy Day”

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Mommy, it’s your Happy day!

I plan to take this a different way. Motherhood is a previous gift from God. Anyone lucky enough to be blessed with such a privilege, should cherish every moment they are given. Growing up, the only things I wanted to do was fall in love and have a houseful of children. My first husband and I tried for years. We both suffered through 5 miscarriages and a physician told that us if we wanted children, we needed different spouses. Fortunately, our inability to have children was not the reason our marriage failed.

With a pregnancy, you start making plans, look forward to the future and then you realize the pregnancy is failing. It breaks your heart. After the fifth miscarriage, your heart feels like a dried up lump of clay. There is no way to describe the agony your body goes through mentally and physically. A miscarriage is a horrible thing to live through. Accepting that it doesn’t seem to be in the Good Lord‘s plan for you to become a mother or father is intense, but as Christians our pregnancies are in the hands of the Lord.  Our lives are part of God’s plan. He has a plan for us all. It is not our place to question that plan. Even though it is in the Lord’s Plan, you still go through a period of regret and doubting. It is not easy to hand everything over to the Lord without some grieving. You get past the emotions and find the strength to give it over to God and get on with your life. You do a lot of praying. Asking for Grace and Strength to get through the misery. You do get through it!  I did it five times and lived. So did my ex-husband. He has remarried and has a son. 

I , also, have remarried. I managed to find my place in this world. I met my soul mate in 2001. We were married three years later. I love him more everyday. I don’t know what I would do without him. He makes me want to be a better person. We have both done things that neither of us ever thought we would do. I made an attempt at being a step-mother ( I gave up when my step-son made it clear, he wanted nothing to do with me). Barry is learning to love my mother.

Her health was failing and she did not need to be living in the situation she was, so we packed her up and moved her in with us. The situation is actually working.  I did not think it would. As mom ages, she is learning the art of compromise. It has tickled her pink, to have Barry start calling her “Mom“.

Barry put’s on a Mother’s Day show every year. He says “I was a wonderful mother. ” When Barry and I married, we discussed children. He asked if I was okay with not having a child. He said he was ready to focus on home and retiring. I was good with that. Our health issues haven’t allowed us to do everything we wanted, but we still enjoy each and everyday. We now have a beloved family pet boxer, named Maggie. She thinks she is human. In a sense, I’m mothering our family pooch.

Barry’s mom passed away a few months before he proposed. I was lucky enough to spend a little time with her. She was a sweet, wonderful woman. I know where her son gets it from.We did agree on one thing. We started to make the same statement at the same time once. That statement was, “He sure does have the best-looking legs around!” She turned and looked at me oddly and said, “I knew I liked you!” When Barry got in the car to find us giggling, he wanted to know if he should be worried.  His mom looked at me and smiled. We didn’t say a word. Barry started the car and headed to the restaurant. 

My mom is a character. I told Barry stories before he met her. He later told me it found my stories hard to believe, until mom started letting the true Betty out in front of him. Mom is a doll and a beautiful woman. She is the perfect work the room character. As long as things are going her way, she is fine. I love her to pieces and look like I could be her twin. I will do anything in the world for her, when I can. Mom living with us has been great. I’m getting to know mom better than I ever have.

Her health is declining and I am trying to help her deal with or understand the changes her body is going through. She is actually listening to me and learning about her illness. Telling my mother the truth about things she does Isn’t easy. I’m getting better at it and she is taking it better.  She has not taken my illness well. I’ve had to ask her to change certain behaviors to help me deal with my health. 

My sister’s and I got our families together and took her out for lunch on Mother’s Day. Barry and I treated her to a new haircut. She really looks great. Sandy has taken her on a trip to North Carolina; to see her grandson graduate from college.I hope she is enjoying herself. She deserve’ it. She is my mom’s.

my momma

my momma

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Daily Prompt: Too Big To Fail

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Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

Since brain surgery, I’ve had kind of list of things I’d like to do. I wouldn’t call it a bucket list, it is more of a list of the things I’d like to complete in my life time; or things I’ve started and never finished. There are a few items on my list that would qualify for a bucket list, but I am not in need of a bucket list. My list definitely needs to be “The Things I Procrastinated over and Want to Finish”.

Let’s get to the point. This daily prompt made me think of that list. Number One on my list is taking a ‘Zip-line‘ tour. I love the outdoors,gardening, hiking, fishing, boating and all other fun outdoor activities are out of the realm of possibility since becoming disabled. Barry has adapted a few household items to help with my love of gardening and we have narrowed hiking trails down to the safe ones (I never go alone). 

The thing is, I long to be high in the air on a platform, basking in the warm sunshine. I want to reach up, grab hold of that little bar,  and slowly step off the platform. I want to feel the wind on my face and in my hair, I long to feel the sun warming my skin as I glide through the trees, I want to look down at the forest and imagine all the colors are a huge quilt laid out beneath me; I’d love to pass a bird in flight and say “Boo”! I want to bask in God‘s creation.

My health is keeping me from following my dream at the moment.  At the moment, I am not physically capable of handling a Zip-line tour. I’m dealing with breast cancer, which is turning into my latest stop on the Cowden Syndrome trail. I have a genetic disease that is slowly eating its way through my body. Putting off my zip-line tour this time is only the 7th time we have done so. Hopefully, this fall, I’ll be healthy enough to go for a little tour through the trees. Wish me luck!

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy...

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy. Taken January 4, 2005 in Costa Rica at the Arenal Paraiso Hotel’s zip-line course. This course requires self-braking using a special purpose-built reinforced leather glove Photo taken by Ken Haufle. Category:Zip-line (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

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