Category Archives: difficult people

A Night I Wish Would Just Go Away| Another

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After Barry’s stroke in 2011, I was praying that similiar episodes would be at least ten to fifteen plus years down the road. But as we all know, it is not our choice.
God’s plan guides the flow of our lives. We have knowledge of the plan’s existence,  but we have no choice in the details or are we given choices of how our plan plays out. God knows. Only he has knowledge of our life plans.

Since 2010, Barry had an aortic valve replacement; a large territory, massive MCA; and now last night, a seizure has been added to the list. The etiology is currently unknown. Other than having every test in the book today, they can’t seem to figure it out. He has swelling on the side of the old stroke, but no other results.

Last night he was connecting the computer to the television, so that we could watch the live stream of our Wednesday night church service. We chose not to go last night because I had run a fever most of the day. He was standing at the computer, near the television when I realized he was falling backwards. I called out to him several times without a response.

I started calling for my mom to help. She called 911 to get an ambulance. He hit the front door, with the back of his head, and started shaking from head to toe.  He was kicking his legs and flinging his arms. About five minutes into the seizure, he came out of it and started to talk. He didn’t know what had happened and wanted to know why he was in the floor.

When I wa able to check him out, he has a lump on the back, left side of his head about the size of a grapefruit. It is still swollen today, but getting tender. He is having a little pain in his left shin. They said they were going to do an ultrasound to make sure he isn’t forming a clot. He started getting back to normal, but I made him lie still until the ambulance arrived.

They checked him out, loaded him up and headed to the hospital. We’ve been here since nine o’clock last night. He rested well, I just want info on the problem! Wish us luck! An Associate Pastor came out from church. We had a nice visit. He has had a few calls from other church members.The Good Lord is with us, but please keep us in your prayers! Thanks to all of you for your continued support and kindness!

Jill B.

Writing Through Cancer | For the Week of August 4, 2013: Can It Get Any Worse? Part 2

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Part 2

My strength comes from the Lord, my family, and my handsome husband Barry. I draw a bit of strength from each of these people. Together, day by day, problem after problem, we grow stronger as a group. The easiest way to deal with issues is one at a time, one day at a time.”Hope springs eternal”, from Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man. That quote says it all. Keep hope alive.

Barry and I are adapting well to dealing with our illnesses. We had to get re-acquainted with each, but everything has worked out. He had to retire.  The stroke left him unable to handle working full-time. Barry  made adjustments around to house to aid me in normal daily function. He helped Libor and Jonny build a porch and ramp off the front of dad’s home. Worked beautifully.

There is no course reversal for my illness. There is only management and learning to cope. You keep up with your yearly appointments, take your medications as prescribed, eat healthy, and exercise. Cowden’s Syndrome is a rare disorder about a mutated gene in my DNA. To learn more, follow the link. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowden_syndrome is related toLDD: which is just a symptom of Cowden Syndrome. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lhermitte%E2%80%93Duclos_disease

No one looks forward to losing a loved one. I for one, can definitely say, I am not ready to lose my dad, Barry lost his father at a younger age, so he is helping me deal with the emotions, while I take care of my health. My sister’s are in the boat with me. We’d like to keep mom and dad around forever. But that is not in God‘s Plan. Only he knows when it is our time to be with him. So, One day at a time. Slow as we go, enjoy every minute we have.

 

The daily prompts I write from each week come from the following blog by Sharon Bray:

http://writingthroughcancer.com/

Follow the link to her blog. She is incredible! Thank you, Sharon…..Jill Baynes

Writing Through Cancer | For the Week of August 4, 2013: Can It Get Any Worse?

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Can it get any worse?  Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.  Hope keeps us moving ahead, one step at a time.  Think of a times you were dealt bad news, your own or someone else’s?   How did you first react?  How did you get through a difficult period in your life?   What helped?  How did you find the strength—even hope—to cope and begin to heal?  How did you find a way to reverse the course and bit by bit,  make your life better?

When life decided I needed to make lemonade, someone had a truck load of lemons delivered and dumped them by garage door. I guess for easy access from the kitchen. God knows I have trouble walking, I guess he was just trying to help out.

Hope keeps you going, but the Lord above is raining that hope down on our situation. We need a good saturation of hope. Through our bible studies and attending church regularly, I think we are finally relaxing as issues occur and giving things to God.

Dealing with my diagnosis has becomes easier daily. I’m adapting the attitude. when

I am working on handing all my issues over to the Good Lord above. Currently Barry and I need all the help we can get. It seems like everyday day gets a little tougher.

If you follow our blog, you know our history, but what you do not know is that my mother lives with us. She has her separate living space, but has no boundaries. Mom is newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the beginning stages of Lewy Body Dementia. If interested. to find out more about Lewy Body Dementia, follow the following link, http://www.lbda.org/

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Leaving mom at a hospital to treat mental health issues. That’s my mommy! I’m supposed to take care of her. I cried the entire day we took her over to the hospital.

On top of managing chemotherapy for breast cancer, managing my mom’s care, making sure Barry is OK and assisting my sister when I can with my dad; Barry and I do what we can to help out at church. We are slowly working into volunteering more often, as my energy level rises. We are truly enjoying it.

My dad has been given an undetermined amount of time to live. He is suffering from  heart, kidney and liver failure. He has moved into my younger sister’s extra room and monitored by hospice. If anyone needs help with anything, please let me know. Barry and I will see what we can do.

When we first found out about dad, it was the day I found out I have breast cancer. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Dealing with the two is a t of emotion to handle at once.

Talking with my sister’s and my blog has helped me pull through this mess. We are taking one day at a time, one problem at a time. We are all hoping daddy will surprise us all, and turn things around. Hope keeps us going, but knowing his salvation will  bring peace to each of us.

On chemotherapy, I have not been able to aid my sisters as much as I would like to with dad.  The brunt of his care has fallen on Sandy and Kristie. They both know I would be right there with them if I could, dad knows to. My daddy knows I love him. Barry lost his father at a young age. He is my rock, my strength as usual.

I’ll finish this up tomorrow. I’m pooped. Sweet dreams. Mom has gained a little weight. We need to take her dress shopping tomorrow. Could be interesting.

The daily prompts I write from each week come from the following blog by Sharon Bray:

http://writingthroughcancer.com/

Follow the link to her blog. She is incredible! Thank you, Sharon…..Jill Baynes

 

Daily Prompt| Origin Story

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I have always kept a journal. Summarizing the day always seemed to make me feel better and helped get any feelings out that I usually would let build inside myself until I got angry.

I gave the journals up with my first marriage. I missed the writing, but I was focused on being a new wife,  no time to write.

Barry and I started the blog after we both dealt with serious illnesses.  Barry suffered a Massive Right MCA Stroke in 2011 and I had brain surgery in 2009 to remove a brain tumor. The tumor was benign, but it left me with a few after effects. The tumor he was unable to remove, started pressing into my cranial nerves causing twitches, voice trouble and neck problems.

The tumor ended up being a side effect to a genetic disorder that can cause all sorts of health issues. Barry has been released from his neurologist care, but just needs to call if any issues pop up. My neurosurgeon has released for the next five years. As long as I have no issues, I only have to see his funny face every five years, I love it!

The blog was originally the idea of our Neurological Counselor. She felt that if we wrote our feelings down, we could manage any issues better. It has truly helped. Barry and I communicate better, we aren’t cranky with each other, and our relationship has improved. This helps us transition through issues as they come up.

We continue to blog today, because it is helping to retrain our brains and keep our writing skills as sharp as we can. We work on the daily prompts together. Keeps the brain sharp. We enjoy writing together. We pass ideas around until we come up with a good response to the daily prompt. I do the weekend post. Barry does two post a week and I do the other two days. Most of the time, we work on all the post together. It has become an important part of our day!

How to get from what if to so what? | Give it to God

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My life is full of fear daily, my illness can pop up with a change at any moment, the good Lord helps me manage that fear. I have focused on what if this happens, what if that hapoens, I am learning to  focus away from the pain and find something positive to focus on.

Giving my pain and issues over to the Lord has made my life so much simplier. I do not stress as much as I used to about the little things in life. Allbeit my health is not a little thing, but the Lord eases my anxiety.

Although I am almost through with my chemo treatments, with radiation coming up quickly, I find myself wondering what next? My counselor says it is time to let that go and get to the point of saying so what when something new happens. Get straight to handing things over to the Lord and get on with your life. Just handle it and don’t worry! I’m getting there, but I need a little more practice. God is still helping eith my coping skills.

Setting boundaries with family is another issue altogether. I have to pray about it a little more. Still looking for answers on how to handle that situation. Wish us luck!

Daily Prompt: Life After Blogs

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Your life without a computer: what does it look like?

If I did not have a computer to do my blog and everything else we do online, the word old school comes to mind. I remember diaries, writing letters, land line phones, and actually talking to one another.

Kids today may not understand several of these things, but the human brain is an amazing organ. It can help you learn new things. They would learn to cope quickly.

My life without a computer just takes me back in time to pre-technology. I’d feel as if I were in high school again. The only negative I see in the picture, is paying long-distance fees for the telephone. Otherwise, I’m good!

Daily Prompt: Back to School | Recess

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If you could take a break from your life and go back to school to master a subject, what would it be?

Going back to school to master anything scares the pants off me, but if I had a choice and the time, it would be any and all forms of recess. I was always the shy kid picked last for teams (does wonders for your self-esteem), because I sucked. When I tried out for cheerleading, I got into a split (my first ever) and couldn’t get up. I had to help to get up. I was the laughing stock of the entire school for weeks.

I could not run fast to save my life. A sit-up in those days would kill you. They tried to make you do male push-ups, but that did not last long. No one could do one! Then there was the totally embarassing, “We must, we must, we must improve our bust, the bigger the better, the wider they spread, the boys depend on us!” How utterly embarassing is that in front of a gym full of kids?

Masteringing recess would boost my enthusiasm for exercise later life. If I had learned to enjoy excercise at an earlier age, maybe I wouldn’t avoid it like the plague today. Above I am talking about middle school, once in high school, we were given more choices. Band, chorus, drama, horticulture, and tennis along with a few others. I chose chorus and exercised my vocal chords.

My homeroom teacher in 9th grade was a coach, the JV girls basketball coach. He saw me walk in his classroom and started the recruiting. I’m a wee-bit tall. I had no idea how to play, much less whether I could dribble or not. He didn’t care, he was dertermined to teach me. I played one game, got my picture in the annual and quit. I sucked at basketball too! But my dad was proud because I tried.

If I was just a little more attentive, maybe I would have a greater interest in being fit today. My lazy days of middle school sent me into fearful choices in high school and I has been left has left out of shape st 47. It is truly tough to whip an old body into shape when it hasn’t been exercising all along.

My mother’s appetite

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Today, we arrived at my sister’s home to sit with pop while Kristie took Little Man to an appointment. The minute mom walked in the house, she had a plate of what Kristie was cooking for supper and had made herself comfy at the dining room table. It was getting late, so they rushed off to the apointment.

The minute they walked back in the house, mom sat her drink down next to her bag of candy. She headed straight for the kitchen again. She returned with a bowl of bean soup and cornbread. After that, she returned with a slice of cornbread. She said she wasn’t full yet, so she made a ham sandwich for the road. She finished the sandwich before she left and went after the cornbread again. My sister asked me to get her out of there, so she didn’t have to bake more bread.

All of this eating took place in about 10 minutes. I took her bowl away and said it is time to go mom. She grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

Parents: Raising them

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Currently my father continues to have spells of v-fib and passing out. For some reason, his implanted pacemaker/defibrillator does not fire properly. 

I received a call from my sister, that it has happened again and he is in an ambulance on the way back to the hospital. She did not know his status once in the ambulance, but was on the way to the Emergency Room. She told me to stay home and take care of myself, that she swears she will call as soon as she has news.

I had a chemotherapy treatment last friday and a hospital emergency room is the last place I need to be at the moment. I’m exhausted and my bones ache like crazy, so I’m going to kick my feet up and rest.

My mother appears to be having an issue with the amount of attention my dad is getting from the three of us. She has a doctor’s follow-up after cataract surgery scheduled tomorrow. I asked if it was ok to reschedule, so I could be there with Kristie to help sign him into hospice. Mom agreed and went to her part of the house to makeba call.

When I went to tell her it was rescheduled, she was on the phone complaining that we are ignoring her needs and not getting her where she needs to be. She was talking to one of her sisters.

This is totally untrue. My dad is not well and not expected to live. I just do not get this childish stuff.  I know she has an ilness affecting her thought processes, but it is not exactly the same.

I asked her to please verbalize if she has an issue with a schedule change. She says she will. What else do we do?

In memory of Ms. Eva Frady Baynes Roper

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Barry and I were dating, marriage had not been thought about yet, when he got the news that his mother was sick and his step’father neefed our help. It was the first time his stepfather had ever called with any issue concerning his mother.

He had been taking her to a doctor, home health had been ordered and the things they needed him to do at home, he was unable to accomplish. He was asking for help, unsure of what to do himself. Barry and I made a few phone calls and scheduled a few doctors appointments, then headed to Calhoun to check her health status out for ourselves.

One toe on her left foot had turned totally black. The orders the home health agency had was to soak the foot two times daily and apply an ointment and dressing to the toe. The physician had started her on medications for the problem.

Two days later, Barry and I took the two of them to the doctor ourselves and talked to the doctors ourselves. Her diabetes was out of control and she was about to lose that toe. He tweaked her medications a little and sent us home.

The next day, the home health nurse called my cell phone looking for Barry. She felt her health status had changed drastically and was calling an ambulance to send her to the hospital. I immediately called Barry and we headed to Calhoun.

Her kidney doctor did a test that let us know her kidney’s were failing and it would not be long.

While in the hospital, I was talking to his mom and told her that she had to get better. She asked why? I told her that son of her’s was eventually going to ask me to marry him and she would have a wedding to attend. I had to lean in to hear her, but she said, “Do not worry, I’ll be there”! At our wedding, Barry sat two chairs off to themselves for his parents. It was so sweet!

We spent the next three nights sharing a cot by his mother’s hospital bed. We decided to head home to shower and change clothes. Home was a two hour ride. Of course, the minute we walked in the door, the phone was ringing. She had passed away a few minutes prior to the call.

We let James know, we would be back early in the morning, showered and headed to bed. We were exhausted. We had plans to make.

The next day, we called to see about checking Frank out of school to get to the funeral. He took the news hard. His mother was unable to pick him up, but my dad was kind enough to drive me down to pick him up. It was a two day trip, we stayed the night in a hotel and headed back to Calhoun the next morning. Frank’s school was on the Georgia coast and Calhoun almost in Tennessee.

The funeral viewing had begun when we arrived. I have to admit I was a little angry with Barry’s ex-wife when we arrived. She could not make the trip to pick her son up for the funeral, but she could rent a hotel room and head to his mother’s house to start picking out what she wanted and driving poor Barry into a nervous frenzy. My aging father took the time to help me accomplish that task and she never said as much as a “thank you”.

I calmed Barry and got serious about circulating. Ignoring the cause os his nerve overload. Ms. Eva had a wonderful turnout. The mortician had done a beautiful job. The church service was well-done. Frank’s tearful memories were my undoing.

At the graveside service, the flowers were beautiful. As everyone was leaving the service to head back for lunch at the church. Barry, Frank, and I stayed back to take a few photos and take time for our good-byes.

Just as I said, “Ms. Eva, don’t worry, I’ll take care of your boys!” At that very moment, a rose fell off the casket in front of Barry and Frank and landed at their feet. We all froze and looked at one another. We still have those roses in a bible today!