Category Archives: difficult people

My Sisters, Wonder Woman in disguise…..Bet you never knew there were three

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I am the middle child of three girls. We grew up in a small-town called Winder, Georgia, in the late seventies into the eighties. We are quite a mix, but we make it work. We all have excessively busy lives. We live within 30 minutes of each other and hardly ever see one another.

I’ll start with the oldest, Sandy, Wonder Women number one. She is hardworking, smart,detail oriented, sweet, loving, caring, kind-hearted, meticulous, adores her children and grandchidren, keeps an emmaculate home, takes incredible care of her husband, whom is wheelchair-bound from a spinal cord tumor. Dennis gets around and takes care of himdelf during the day, he even drives. He manages several household chores and always makes sure Sandy has a hot meal ready at night. She is the secretary at her church and drives a school bus for the county they live in.

She likes things done her way or no way; she doesn’t care to see things go wrong; she believes it is ok to plan gatherings the day before she wants to have it; she tells you what time something will start or what time she will arrive, but is always on average two hours late; but on the other hand. She has my love and respect, but I have to admit, I do not know how she does it. I would have packedup and run away a long time ago. She is one tired, incredible woman and I love her dearly. 

Our relationship has changed since I got sick. I miss the relationship Sandy and I had. We will probably never get it back. I had enough trouble accepting the “new me”, how can I expect others to understand and accept the changes I deal with daily. I just want to be included. If I am able, I’ll be there!

Brain injuries make a person vulnerable to infections and other things that could be deadly. That fact has kept me closer to home in the past few years. I’m a great aunt, now. I’d love to be able to play and have fun with them, just as I did her kids growing up. We had some great times.

Enough of that. Let’s get to Wonder Women number two, my younger sister, Kristie. Kristie is sweet, kind-hearted, loving, caring, smart, adores her dhildren and husband, focused, detail-oriented, hard-working, and is currently using her super powers to take care of father, who is gravely ill. Sandy snd I have helped when we could, but it hasn’t been close to enough to give her a break.

Kristie surprised me after I had brain surgery, she visited daily for a few weeks and cooked several meals, so we wouldn’t have to worry about it. She helped get me to rehab when Barry had a conflict. This was so sweet. Not that she hasn’t been sweet in the past,  Barry and I just were not expecting it. Thank you, Kris!

Kristie has a quick temper and let you know when she thinks you are wrong. I did not witness this, but she took a 6’6″ man to the ground and beat him up. Mom called her a “lightening bolt” when getting her up for school in our younger days. She still carries a bolt in her back pocket.

I love both my sisters with all my heart and will do anything in the world for both of them. Thank you both for being there when I have needed you! I could not have gotten better sisters if I had ordered them from a catalog. God truly blessed me in the sister department! Thank you, Dear Lord for my sisters!

When it is our turn to be the parent

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As many of you know, my mother lives with Barry and I. The task has gotten easier, but it makes it tough on the relationship between the three of us. Mom doesn’t want to take ownership of her illness and when Barry and I do things to assist her level of function; she accuses us of treating her like a child.

With her memory becoming an issue, she has become difficult to handle in public on certain days. I have to judge her mood before we go out of the house. We had an issue at Wal-Mart, when Barry and I were not getting to her shopping list fast enough. It was quite interesting to have your mother screaming in a public place, becsuse she did not want to forget the cat food.

At church, several Sundays ago, in the middle of Worship Service mom had a question pop in her head for the Pastor. Durng the middle of the sermon, she got up and headed for the pulpit. The Pastor motioned for someone to take her aside to see if they could help. I froze, when I saw what she was doing. I was unsure of what to do or if I should do anything. The Pastor saved the day.

At home, things are working better becauee we have a set routine. Mom is learning to use the whiteboard and makes a list daily of things she would like to accomplish. When we have downtime, I suggest a task for the day that will keep her busy. Mom is helping us do the cooking, she loves to cook and really loves making us eat right. Barry is enjoying having her around finally. If we can speed up her getting ready to go time, life will get even better. Her vurrent get ready speed is around three hours.

On a different note, my father was admitted to the hospital again yesterday. His health is failing fast. It breaks my heart to see him so weak. He has such a strong will and is losing it quickly. Please send a few prayers his way. We can use all we can get!

Mom
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Pop
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Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 7, 2013: The Heroes in Our Lives

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Heros come in many shapes and sizes.  They can be man or in some cases animal. They can be simple or complex, like your favorite movie star or super hero. Many definitions for such a tiny little word.

A hero can be someone you admire, someone that has actually saved your life or helped you through a rough patch in your life. Anywhere you look in this world, you could see a hero.

I would say I have several heroes in my life. Maggie, our treasured family pet, on several occassions has saved me from burning the house down.

After brain surgery, I experienced a little problem with attention. I’d put something on to cook and forget about it. Maggie quickly reminded me when something was not right in the kitchen.

There was another time Maggie came to the rescue. My mother had fallen in her bedroom, she was calling out for help, but I could not hear her. Maggie quickly let me know something was wrong and I was able to help mom quickly. Thank goodness she was ok.

Another person I consider my hero is my husband. Emotionally, my husband is my hero. He has been by my side, the past few years; helping with whatever I need without a single grumble or complaint, he is the sweetest man on earth, compassionate, loving, caring, he keeps me laughing and is always supportive. I do not know what I’d do without him.

My dad is next on my list of heros. He is sweet, loving, and has such a huge heart. Growing up, dad left home, to work, before we got up and did not get home until we were in bed again. We only saw uim on the weekends. He had a second job he worked on the weekends. It was nice, because we could go spend time with him. Thank you, Pop for working so hard and giving us the life we had. I love you more than you know.

Mom was not a happy camper when he went to the bowling alley, but he worked so much, one night a week to do something he enjoyed did not feel like a bad idea to me. Mom and dad divorced when Kristie was a teenager. Pop retired soon after that. As pop got older, he joined the flea market crowds and opened a booth to sale the items he was collecting. He is currently not doing well and is fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his independence. I pray that he knows the Good Lord as his Savior and is ready for his place in heaven. He says he is. The Good Lord will show him the way when the time comes.

The only “military” heros I am aware of, in the family, are my Uncle Gerald and my Uncle Ken. Both are from my dad’s side of the family. Uncle Gerald was killed somewhere in the Phillipines before I was born. Uncle Ken was the uncle I never really got to know growing up. His official demeanor scared me a little as a child, and then we never really had an opportunity to get to know each other. It is my own fault, I wish I had taken the time to know him. I can’t do this any longer, he passed away a few years ago. I have the honor of knowing my Uncle Ken is buried in Arlington Cemetary in Washington, D.C..

My hero list is short, but it is a tough list to beat. The people on my list would probably laugh at me for calling them heros, but in my book, they are topnotch!

Peace and Quiet

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As I sit here,  totally alone (with the exception of the dog and fish), a strange feeling comes over my body. I’m not sure I recognize it. I have the remote control to myself,  no one is fighting for my chair, my blanket is mine, a pillow comfy under my neck, I think I have forgotten what this is called.

Could this strange sensation be relaxation? I haven’t relaxed in such a long time, it feels odd. I am actually getting sleepy. Maggie is already asleep in Barry’s chair. Shotgun is swimming  happily around in his clean tank. The sun is shining in the windows making everything nice snd cozy. I think I might take a nap.

I love my husband. He was a sweetheart to take mom to the Surgery Center for her eye surgery. While I have a few peaceful hours to myself, he has to sit and wait. I’m getting a sore throat and not feeling well, my orders are to rest. So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your day! I am off to sleepytown. Sweet Dreams, all!

One of those days!

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Ever have a day you’d like to hide from? Crawl back in bed to sleep the day away? Or just crawl under the bed to hide from the world? Well, my day started off with a thump. That thump was me hitting the floor, face first, when I tried to turn over in the living room chair I had fallen asleep in and BAM! Flat on my face in the floor.

That was 5am. Three hours later, with Barry’s assistance, I almost tumbled backwards getting out of the tub. Barry managed to get the situation under control before we both took a second bath.

After getting ready, I had an appointment this morning, along with Barry and Mom. Luckily, mom and I were headed in the same direction. Barry had to head to Northside. Barry attended the first appointment with me.

On the way back to the truck, I went down hard on my right side, after tripping on the handicap ramp that needs attention. I skinned my right elbow, took the skin off the little toe on my left foot and bruised my ribs on the right back, from landing hard on the curb.

I think when mom is finished at the eye doctor, I’m going home and back to bed. Someone is trying to tell me to rest today. Hope everyone is having a better day than I am. If someone sees that truck that ran over me this morning, get the tag number please!

Writing through cancer: For the Week of June 23, 2013: How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

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Of late, I’m going to be known as the aunt that was turned into a witch after brain surgery. I want to see what I can do to change that. Everyone has so much to do that no one has time to remember what family is and how to treat each other. Everyone also needs to remember that they are not the only ones with full lives. We all have busy, full lives.

My family needs to realize that I will never be the person I used to be before and I cannot be forced backward into that person. My body is not the same and avoiding me is not the way to handle things. Barry is not the same either. We are both different and having mom in the house does not mean AVOID AVOID AVOID. WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY and always will be. We may just be aunts and uncles, it doesn’t mean put us out of the family.

We would love to be known as a loving couple that welcomed their family with open arms whenever needed. The smart uncle and creative aunt that would fo anything for anyone. Not be isolated and un-notified of family gatherings.

Brain injuries, strokes and dementia cause changes to the brain, as well as the brain chemistry. All the above can cause changes in behavior. They can be managed by medications, but will always be there. This does not mean a person is CRAZY!

Barry and I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy Aunt and Uncle that took care of Me-maw in her later days. We’d like to be known as the full of life couple that participates in everything with the family and greatly enjoyed every minute. We want to be known as abfamily-oriented couple.

We only need to know when something is happening. Telephones work two ways these days. I plan to do better with communication. I’m just hoping pther people reading this do the same. It only takes a second to make a phone call.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowden_syndrome

Daily Prompt: Person of the Year

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You’re asked to nominate someone for TIME’s Person of the Year. Who would it be, and why?

My nominee for Time’s Person of the Year would be my best friend, the love of my life, Mr. Barry L. Baynes. He does not feel he would deserve such an honor, but in my eyes he was the only person I would consider nominating. He has been my night in shining armor for several years.

Barry suffered a massive right-sided stroke in Dec. 2012. I almost lost him. His percerverence and determination not to let that stroke get him down, has given me strength and will to push through the health issues I have currently and really push myself into recovery and staying healthy.

Barry has been my love, my companion and my chauffer through what feels like millions of appointments with numerous doctors.

We started the year off running in January,  with a referral to a breast specialist at Emory over something suspicious on a mammogram. We were off to learn our way around another section of Emory University Hospital‘s clinics. (By now, Barry and I should have a wing dedicated to whatever we want.)

When Barry was not feeling well, he was there, never complaining always supportive. He gets stronger (from the stroke) daily. I can see the changes. He strength never faltered.

He has been my rock, he let me draw on his strength as I needed to. He was always positive. As doctors delivered news we really did not want to hear, Barry had a smile on his face. He tried to keep my mood elevated the best he could.

When I knew he wasn’t feeling his best, he tried to not let it show. He is always encouraging and loving.

All of the above are reasons, Mr. Barry L. Baynes, would be my nominee for Time’s Person of the Year. I could not think of anyone more deserving of this award.

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Jill and Barry Baynes