Category Archives: one of those days

Brain Tumor Issues Again!

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feelbadAddendum: I am re-posting this for BrainTumorThursday. We are not going to be home for me to participate tomorrow, but I was hoping someone might have a clue as to what could be going on with me. It has been almost a week and I feel no better at all. Can’t get a doctor on the phone till tomorrow. I have since started retaining fluid all over my body. I do not eat salt, but I currently am carrying around over 10 extra pounds than I was a week ago. It happened over night. My wrists are even swollen.

I’m a little terrified at the moment. I feel extremely tired, my eyes have not wanted to focus most of the day, my balance has been non-existent today and getting up just to the bathroom is difficult.

Of course things like this always happen over a weekend when there is not a doctor to be found or on the beginning day of the biggest holiday weekend of the year. I prefer to actually speak to a doctor that actually knows me.

When my eyes act up, I cannot shake the fear of losing my eyesight. I have resigned myself to the fact that my wheelchair will replace my legs as my mode of transportation eventually.

If that is God’s plan, I’ll live my life the best I can and learn to love the “New Me”. I work on my eyes daily, but it doesn’t appear to help like it used to. Again, if this is part of the “New Me”, I’ll figure out my independence and take one day at a time.

Nativity Scene

I love Christmas, I refuse to get sick!

sleeping santaHopefully, my body is still telling me I need more rest. Getting out of the house for anything for the next week will not only be stressful, getting home quickly will be impossible and the holidays brings the crazy out in some people. You just never know what might happen. Since I appear not to have caught up with myself, yet….maybe I should do a little more than just kick my feet up in my favorite chair!

exercise2I need to get my exercise routine started again in the morning. If I have the exercise1strength tomorrow, I’ll work that into our day. Keeping my body strong appears to keep my energy level up. If Barry is up to it, I’ll drag him to gym. It will not hurt either of us. Maybe trying to exercise will make me feel better, than attempting to rest. Not sure if the gym will be open tomorrow. If so, hopefully the “Rowdy Roosters” will still be in the hen-house. Sharing the gym with them can be a challenge.

Round 3

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Hummmmmm…….new problem. I do not eat salt. I do not have any salt in my house. I am careful with my diet. Yet, I have the ankles and calves of an old women. My hands are swollen, so is my stomach. I now, officially feel sick. Going to doctor tomorrow.

They kill me, telling me to go to the ER. I do not feel ER sick. I’d hate to take up a bed in the ER when someone might actually need it. 

I am so confused over this. First time I’ve had a new problem with no obvious cause. I hate this!

Wish me luck!

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Okay, I’m not feeling my best, but I have a horrible urge to get out tomorrow and Shop! What is wrong with me? One hour on my feet fighting after Christmas sale shoppers and I hope to make it home. Am I nuts?

First thing I plan on doing is checking with the doctor about a few things in the morning. I still feel exhausted, my legs are swollen and painful with fluid, I’ve had no salt…….this has to be medication related or my colon is flared back up. 

So good people out there, say a little prayer for me, throw a few angels my way and just flat-out keep your fingers crossed that I have no trouble and do not end up at a doctor’s office. Have a good day everyone! 

Wow, I feel so honored….

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cwlebrate

Recently, I received nominations for three seperate awards. I’d like to thank those who nominated me, you guys are wonderful……. I enjoy writing and appreciate your encouragement. I am mulling over what I need to do for each award and will have it posted soon. I wanna get it right and feeling as I do at the moment, I think taking my time is the best choice. I don’t want to sound like a numb skull.

ballons

The “New” Barry strikes again

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Barry’s office has a family day every year before their holiday starts. They have Santa for the kids, everyone brings snack foods and a little work gets done. What the employees love more than anything, is they get to leave early….hit the stores, have lunch or whatever else you may want to do.It is very nice.

Well, this year on the drive to the office, we had”New Barry” moment that was hilarious. The poor lady in the car next tons did not know what to think. We were at a red-light when an SUV pulled up next to us. The SUV was decorated with an elf hat on the grill and ears sticking out the back windows. (Just for you info, we have had a drastic weather change, it is icy cold and windy) Barry signaled for her to roll her window down, when she did, he asked, “Are your ears cold?” She did not say a word, but got a funny look on her face. The light had changed, so we drove on. I’m not sure we wanted to hang around to hear her response. 

Last time I was with anyone doing such, I had picked a tipsy friend up and she would not keep her window closed at red lights. She asked every car we stopped by if they had anything gray she could poop on. Of course, referencing Grey Poupon Mustard. It was funny, but distracting when you are trying to drive. But, oh, what a ride home…

Holiday Shoppers! Ohmy!

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santa borderI am usually shocked by the behavior of people without disabilities, but today I decided that no one cares about anyone else any longer. This is a time of giving, love and cheer. Barry and I got far more than that while shopping for essentials today. We only went out for things we had to have! Into the pit of craziness we went.

I’m still not feeling my best, but it was a day that shopping would have been easier with one of the motorized carts. The carts were not sitting all over the store, dead were in with the other carts, dead and not even plugged in. The people using the carts couldn’t even be bothered to turn them off and plug them in to charge. But we have to help each other. The employees working couldn’t take the time to have the dead carts around the store taken out of the way and put up to charge. They would probably be the first to complain if they needed one.

These carts are kindly made available at certain stores, so that people with disabilities can get out and do things for themselves, keeping a sense of normalcy.  I have gone to the store, when I really was not up to it and all of the carts would have dead batteries or be out of service. Kinda burst your bubble. Grab a push cart and do your best yo get around the store.

Today, a lady in a motorized cart wanted to see something on a display, that she couldn’t get to. I was standing off my cart looking at an item on the top shelf when this lady decided she would try to get her cart between mine and the display. She bumped my cart, which knocked into me and I fell into a rack of clothes. She didn’t even apologize, she just rode off. Then as we were leaving, a disabled man pretty much tried to sit in the seat of the cart with me and when I did get up, he was taking off with our groceries before we got them out of the basket. On top of everything else, an elderly lady had already asked if she could have the cart. I told him that and with her standing behind him, he got on that cart and rode off. He did not even look back.

I was just shocked. I apologized to the lady and got out of there. 

Whatever happened to “Love thy Neighbor”?

People used to be kind and treat each other with a littlte respect. Has respect been taken out of the dictionary? I must have missed that.

 I was unable to have children. After I see the way some kids act, if they were mine, I’m not sure whether or not they’d be able to sit down for months or be grounded for life. I know what my momma would have done to us. It would have involved a weeping willow tree and picking out which branch we wanted her to use.

Barry and I were both exhausted leaving that crazy place. I just don’t get people anymore………….

Happy Holidays, everyone!!!

Mom is seeing dead people at the back door…….Should we be worried?

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It did not matter how many times I told mom I needed to rest today, she never stopped waking me up and checking on me. What part of I need to rest doesn’t she get?

She had no trouble sitting down in the living room, this morning, to tell me all about her dreams, after I crawled out of bed. She cornered me when I got comfy in my chair with breakfast, told me to turn the TV down so she could talk. 

This terribly important thing I needed to hear was all about her crazy dreams last night. Apparently she spent the evening playing hostesses to a lot of dead relatives. First was some lady she went to grade school with. She said they spent hours talking about why there were no cows in the barn.

Her next guest was my great-grandmother. They talked about raising my sisters and I. Mom made hoecake, coffee and they had honey.

Next was her dad, my grandfather. He, mom and my great-grandmother continued until Granny had to leave. Mom saw Granny out and Grandpa decided he’d attempt to make more coffee, but one ole’ little problem.

Grandpa died in 1971 before automatic coffee makers were invented. He was making a mess in Mom’s kitchen and she always loves a good mess to clean. Of course she was tickled to show him how to use the new fangled coffee pot. They continued their conversation and she talked about all her brothers and sisters. She says she enjoyed seeing him.

She was disappointed her mom had not visited. She says she couldn’t understand why grandma didn’t show, but she says she understood. Grandma F. Had she a rough time when she passed. There was something in her story about someone in the outhouse. By that time I was zoned out. 

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Mom and the Jello Chase

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Mom is sweet as she can be, but she can have her scattered moments that make you wonder. I don’t know how I would act, if I woke up one day and mom was totally organized. She can be everything from cute as a button to drive you insane confused.

Tonight her difficulty was lemon jello. She made three different trips to the store to get everything she needed to make a dessert for a church party tomorrow. When she arrived home, she realized she had pineapple jello, not lemon. She headed back to the store to make the switch and she couldn’t find it. The boxes were a mess and mom was tired, so she returned home to ask if we would swap it out for her. In all of the hoopla, mom came in and laid her Jello down and lost it! She had the kitchen in a mess to prepare this dessert and the jello was now somewhere in her mess.

We, of course, said yes. Mom went to retrieve her jello to swap out when she discovered it was misplaced. She was so frustrated by this time that Barry told her not to worry, we’d take care of it. 

We get home with her lemon jello, and she states, “sugar-free”? I just walked away………..

Brain Tumor Issues Again!

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I’ve been blessed with the fact that issues caused by my brain tumor are constant and tolerable on a daily basis. I suppose that is a good way to put it, but they do have those days when they act like an angry toddler not getting his/her way. Well the toddler has been a little rascal for over a week now.

Not only is my heart acting like a fool, I feel like my face and top of my head is attempting to learn the tango. A few months after my craniotomy, I developed a facial tic which grew into making every muscle from my shoulders up, twitch uncontrollably. The neurosurgeon said he could operate and make me worse or I could try medication management. We chose medication management. I have been through a battery of medication that actually gave me some relief, others made me close to crazy or mean as a snake.

I finally got on a regimen of drugs that actually made life easier, then they sent me for a Botox referral. Botox helped my neck muscles, but it did not do much for my vocal chords. At one point my vocal chords were twitching over 200 times a minute. I could barely talk, but I missed singing more than anything. My voice disappeared for 3 months, instead of getting stronger. It was amazing to be able to sleep on my stomach for the first time in 2 years. I honestly did not realize I couldn’t turn my neck to the side. It was great!

Off to the Otolaryngologist(spelling?). He does the Botox in my neck and vocal chords. Friday afternoon, I get the pleasure of Botox injection into the roof of my mouth for palatel myoclonus (spelling?). Apparently, this might not only fix my twitching palate, it might fix the ear trouble I have experienced since surgery. We’ll see.

I truly am not looking forward to it, but the Botox has helped in the past. Otherwise, I’m headed back to let my neurosurgeon make me worse……I’m not ready to cave-in yet

What would you think?

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Today, I had a second echocardiogram to make sure nothing is going on with my ticker. At one point in life, I wondered if my heart was the only good body part I have, then it starts going haywire. I started passing out, staying more dizzy than usual daily, and feeling like I have a flock of butterflies in my chest.  Then my legs and ankles start swelling out of the blue. Along with that came shortness of breath. Sooooooooo, off to the cardiologist. He ordered blood work and the echo. Now comes the waiting phase, again….

During the echo today, the technician states “what in the world is that?”, as she circles whatever she saw. She quickly changes the subject and attempts  to get my mind off what she said. As I was leaving, she repeatedly told me that I’ll hear from the office soon and to call by the end of the week if I haven’t.

I cannot get what she said out of my head. What did she see? I’ll go nuts before they call. I’m learning to hate time again. God grant me the strength and wisdom not to worry and the wisdom to handle it appropriately.