For the Week of April 28, 2013: Writing as a Spiritual Practice

Through the exchange of stories, we help heal each other’s spirits…Isn’t this what a spiritual life is about?

–Patrice Vecchione, Writing and the Spiritual Life

Writing for me is an outlet to show my true self. Writing allows me to be completely honest with the world and myself. I have become more verbal on topics I would normally hold in to eat me alive with stress.

Recently, I have felt a new strength developing through my writing. I feel my faith has strengthened and I am changing as a human being. I look at the world differently. As a child, I the beauty of the world amazes and astounds us. As adults we have forgotten what a beautiful place we have been blessed with by our precious Lord. It suggests the old saying. “Stop and Smell the Roses”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_and_Smell_the_Roses

I look at my family, friends and life in general differently. My health has been a huge factor in the changes noted in me. I have been through so many lab tests, x-rays, CAT Scans and MRI’s that you could probably see me glowing in space or find me easily with a satellite. Dealing with my rare genetic disorder has brought patience and tolerance into my life (which are 2 things I was sorely lacking in). I’m a nurse. I once thought I was blessed with the patience of Job until receiving my first diagnosis and my roller coaster ride started. After brain surgery, I quickly learned to dislike the word, Time! I’ll re-post from my blog on ‘Time’.

           ******This is a re-blog. I felt it was appropriate to post it again, cuz that old       dislike is the word ‘Time’ is coming out again. I have something go wrong and I feel like crap-ola. All the doctor’s office can say is give it time, they will come in. I truly do not like being in this position. One thing has changed since I wrote this, I have been reminded that I am not supposed to worry about things. I need to put it in God’s hands, he is in control. So much has gone on since 2009, I had kinda forgotten that huge fact. I am actually beginning to feel more at ease about my illness. I do not like getting worse, but I have to remember, I’m just getting closer to him. Honestly, being able to give a little of this worry up is wonderful! I’m loving the peace!*****************************************

I learned to hate that word several years ago. When you are healing after anything to do with the brain, everyone’s favorite thing to say is ” Time, just give it time.”. I do not know about anyone else, but both Barry and I are a tad impatient. Time is a word impatient people can’t stand.

I have to admit that I enjoyed paying Barry back with a few time comments. You have to understand my husband’s quirky sense of humor. I know he thoroughly enjoyed telling me “Give it time.”. He smiled and giggled a little too much after saying it. I turned it around and now use it on him just a little. I tried to hide my snickering.

OK, well down to the news I need to share. My visit to neuro-oncologist was quite informative. He gave us more information than we have ever received from other doctors. He confirmed that I do have Cowden Syndrome. With my medical history, he doesn’t feel the blood test is necessary. He is scheduling an MRI of the brain and a full body PET Scan. He says he hopes they are both negative, but to be ready for the possibility. Said it could be as simple as the thyroid cancer not being totally removed or something else manifesting in the neurological symptoms that have been popping up. Here we go again with that word, TIME! Barry and I are praying and giving it to God. If it’s meant to be……….

I have always been a very compassionate person, to the point of being a sucker. Barry’s stroke strengthened my faith and spirituality. When he was healthy enough, we found a church to call home. We are enjoying getting to know the church community and trying to find which ministry we would like to be part of.

My health would be my precipitating event. Since 2000, I have had 3 spinal epidurals; been through a year with a masseuse; a year with a pain management doctor; been through thyroid cancer three times; my tonsils grew back and removed a second time; had brain surgery for a benign cerebellar tumor; been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that causes tumors to form through my body; lost my gall bladder. had a ruptured cyst in my left breast and am now facing breast cancer. Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.

I have definitely felt the need to get closer to God and learn more about my religion. I study the bible regularly. I have learned more about the Bible in the last year than I ever did attending church as a child. Barry and I read together every evening. We are trying to get through the bible before summertime.

My re-found spirituality has helped me to notice and appreciate the world around me again. My relationships with my family have improved. I love my husband more everyday! I thank the good Lord daily for bringing him into my life.

Barry and I are now taking care of my mother. She wasn’t in a healthy home-life with her husband. When her health started to decline, she moved in with us. It was a bit of a struggle to start, but we are getting used to each other. I have written about the transition we went through when she moved in. It has been healthy for Barry and I to work on the posts together.

In closing, in my opinion writing has changed my life. I look forward to it daily and enjoy planning my post each week.

For this week:  How has writing deepened your spirituality?  Your compassion or insight?  How have faith and spirituality manifested themselves in your life?  Was there a precipitating event?  Write about the prayer that writing becomes, the spiritual journey that writing has helped you discover.

Daily Prompt: Million Dollar Question

Why do I blog?

We could go into detail about our blogging, but if you frequent our blog you know our story and why we blog. So, we decided to come up with a fictional response to this daily prompt.

Why do we blog?

We were sitting around the house one day, when we had an epiphany. “Why don’t we start an online blog to tell the world our deepest, darkest secrets?”

We can discuss our private lives and let our secrets out of the closet. We can finally talk about our real lives and stop hiding. We can finally let the world know who we really are.

In our real world, I am known as the “Wonder Woman” and Barry is known as “Hercules“. We met at superhero church party, many years ago, and fell in love. Batman and Robin introduced us. We were married three years later.

We continued to fight crime and keep the world safe from evil for 10 more years.

As the years went by, we both became weaker from injuries and life as superheros became harder to deal with.

We made the roughest decision of our lives. We decided to retire and lead normal lives. Our faithful friend, “Wonder Dog” decided to join us. 

Under superhero code, you may choose normal life over a superhero life. The one condition in the “Superhero Contract” is you have that choice one time.

Once you choose the path you are taking, there is no going back. Once you are normal, you’re normal. No special powers or super strength, just plain old Jane and John Doe.

We chose our place in the world (rural middle Georgia) and started our lives together as Mr. and Mrs. Barry Baynes with their faithful companion, Maggie.

 

Cowden Syndrome rearing it’s ugly head

Barry is the most patient human being on earth. Either, God is giving him strength or he is hiding his fear really well. We are currently waiting to see a doctor for results of an abdominal/pelvic MRI.

During my renal ultrasound, they discovered something on my liver. The doctor’s answer was it is just an incidental finding, we’ll get an MRI to check it out. He thought he was easing my anxiety.Nope….just made it worse….why don’t they get that?

If they were honest enough to just say it could be this or this…..why not do more test to rule it out…..would have made me feel better……but since when is the patient supposed to feel good after seeing a doctor?

Other than that, even though the breast biopsy was negative. They are still investigating the cause of the problem. Another MRI this weekend and appointments all next week to get results and such.

My body is acting crazy and I can’t get a return call from a doctor to save my life. I am also experiencing a new symptom of cowden syndrome, that no one wants to help me with. These doctors wonder why people get depressed. I have a rare genetic disorder that actually scares the doctors treating me.

Barry is being a supportive dream. I am a fussy mess, he just tells me to relax and go sit down. I love that man.

I’m doing the paperwork to join the study at the Cleveland Clinic. Not sure it will do me a bit of good, but maybe it will help someone else dealing with this mess.

I need to go for now, have a few contacts to make. I think I have diverticulitis again. I have to call my doctor. I need to do paperwork for myself and mom. Have a great day everyone.

Barry and I didn’t know how to act yesterday. We saw a movie and had lunch out without dealing with a doctor’s office.

 

My adorable husband, the eternal prankster

      

MM900178208My sweet, adorable, totally innocent-looking husband is getting a reputation, since mom moved in. He cannot seem to help himself when it comes to her.

This afternoon, mom was frantically looking for her misplaced makeup when Barry gets the bright idea to hand her a few Sharpies. He asked what color she wanted. She took them all.

Of course she was not wearing her glasses. I walked into the bathroom just in time to stop her. She was about to line her lips with a red Sharpie.

What a sight she would have been at church. I believe if she could have gotten a hand on Barry, he might have been in a wee-bit of trouble.

 

MM900354746    

Root Word: itis

Check out this link!

http://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/-itis#section_1

The root word “itis” means so much for such a small little thing. That small little thing has become one of those things I have learned not to enjoy hearing attached to words my doctor is telling me.

There are many minor “itis’s” that are no big deal, then there are those attached to words coming out of the mouths of the doctors we see. 

The medical profession is full of “itis” words I am sure many people out there would rather not hear. What gets us is when they bring out words you have to research. 

I think I’ll come up with a new affliction:

doctortis- Inflammation of doctors. That would not work, it could either mean you are inflamed by your doctors or your doctors are inflamed. Doesn’t exactly sound right. Neither one of the fits what we are suffering from. It should be doctorvisititis.

It would be nice if we could start charging doctors for the pleasure of our company, we’d rich by now.

I know this sounds a bit silly, but this is our life! With Barry retired, I’m hoping we can mix it up a bit and actually get a social life.

 

Daily Prompt: Happy Happy Joy Joy

We cry for lots of reasons: sadness, pain, fear . . . and happiness. When was the last time you shed tears of joy?

I shed tears of joy today, at Barry‘s Retirement Party. My adorable husband retired today after working over 32 years for the great state of Georgia. Even though Barry wasn’t ready to retire, he has accepted the fact that it is time for him to relax a little. Now I just need to figure out how to keep him busy.

I admit, I thought it might turn into a kicking and screaming deal, but he held it together. I cried as I watched the slide show they had put together of his years with them. It was so sweet. Someone at his place of employment knows how to hijack pictures from Facebook and WordPress.

I was incredibly proud to hear and see the praises his office and coworkers had for him. They had quite a shindig put together for him. I was impressed. On top of his current coworkers, several people from his decades at work that showed up to wish him well. Through the party, I never heard a negative word about my sweet hubby. 

He was Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected until we headed home. That is when the tears of joy made the rounds in our car. First Barry, when I saw he was crying, I lost it. When Mom realized what was going on we all just cried our way home.

Maggie gets worried if she thinks you are upset, when we got home, she tried to comfort us all. Nothing like being licked to death my a drooling boxer.

Please Forgive My Absence

Please forgive my absence for the past few days. Imagine the nerve of life getting in the way. I’ll admit I let the “poor pitiful me’s” get in the way. When my favorite urologist found my new problem, my mood kinda hit the toilet with a big splash. I’ve had 2 days of sulking and I’m tired of being the only “stick in the mud” at the party.

Time for a reality check. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I hurt all day everyday. Yes, I have to see a lot of doctors. But………I love the Lord, I adore my husband, I have a loving, happy, sometimes screwed family, I have 2 great pets (a dog that thinks she is human and a fish that will come to the top of the bowl when called), I have a great life.

Why I let myself get all down and depressed, I’ll never understand. One doctor I see told me to quit worrying about getting upset. He said it’s not like I don’t have a million things to worry about.

Maybe all this studying and work I’ve done, on turning my issues over to the Lord, is working. It was much easier to turn this over to God, than in the past. I really think that listening and learning in church is the way to go. Growing up, I was more concerned with who was at church, than what I was learning. I’m learning a lot at Victory Baptist Church, they are such a truly incredible group of people.

Tomorrow is the MRI of my abdomen and pelvis. I’m praying that whatever Dr. M saw on my liver is no longer there. Please think of me tomorrow, Barry and I can use all the prayers we can get.

 

Daily Prompt: Competition

What activity, task, or game most brings out your competitive streak? 

Board Games drive me insane. It doesn’t matter which one of them it is,I get angry thinking about them.  Just the thought of pulling a board game out gives my  competitive hormone the kick in the hiney it cannot stand.. Maybe it is the fact that I stink at every board game I have ever tried to play. Or it could be the no good braggers that I play with. Who knows? I’ll just continue to avoid them like the plague.

The only violence I have ever exhibited when playing, was with my ex-husband. He loved to play chess. I know how, but I stink. In one of his rare forms, when he was wiping the board with me, he went too far. I picked the board up and threw it at him. Needless to say, we never played again.

I’ve played Gin Rummy and Scrabble, with Barry, no problems. I do not think we’ll ever play chess. 

Word of the Weekend: RISPOSTE

  • RIPOSTE
  • \rih-POHST\
  • DEFINITION

noun

1: a fencer‘s quick return thrust following a parry
2: a retaliatory verbal sally : retort
3: a retaliatory maneuver or measure
  • EXAMPLES

The lifelong friends always greeted each other the same way: John would point out Gary’s thinning hair, then Gary would come back with a riposteabout John’s golf game.

“Modernism, with its strong Gothic influences recalling the glories of medieval Barcelona, was very much a riposte to the conservative architecture that flourished in Madrid at the time.” — From an article by Andrew Allen in The New York Times, February 8, 2013

  • DID YOU KNOW?

In the sport of fencing, a riposte is a counterattack made after successfully fending off one’s opponent. English speakers borrowed the name for this particular maneuver from French in the early 1700s, but the French had simply modified Italian “risposta,” which literally means “answer.” Ultimately these words come from the Latin verb “respondēre” meaning “to respond.” It seems fitting that “riposte” has since come full circle to now refer to a quick and witty response performed as a form of retaliation
Read more at http://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/#fVAVQUgZR2zEEr0U.99