Category Archives: The “New” Jill

For the week of April 21, 2013: The Healing Power of Forgiveness

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The Healing Power of Forgiveness

The morning of April 18, 2013, I received a call from my physician specializing in breast health. She called to let me know my biopsy results did show cancer. Some called Invasive Ductal Carcinoma.

She informed my husband we need to schedule an appointment to discuss options and she asked if we had thought of what to do if this matter came up.

Barry and I had not expected this matter to seem so quickly, so our answer was of course, No! Maybe we were a little naïve, but we were trying to work on the “positive thinking” option I guess we need to work on that a bit more.

I have always been vigilant with scheduling my physical and mammograms.In 2009, the brain tumor appeared and threw us for a loop.

After the brain tumor the weird symptoms appeared and I was diagnosed with; Cowden’s Syndrome, Lhermitte Duclos Disease, Thyroid Cancer, my gallbladder was removed, my tonsils were removed a second time, my mammograms started showing suspicious areas that needed to be rechecked and then biopsied.

During all of this hoopla, I felt the incredible urge to seek forgiveness from my God, my family and friends. When the possibility of death smacks you in the face, it makes you take a step back and look at our life. I felt silly apologizing to some of my friends, but the Lord and my is a different story.

My husband Barry was the toughest, but I could tell he was confused. But we talked it out. One of my desires, was to find and get involved in a good church. I wanted Barry and I to go together. I missed attending church.

We have since found as wonderful church and have become active members. Mom is going with us. It is a pleasure to see her enjoying herself and flourishing in the church community. She is about to be baptized.

I continue to ask God for forgiveness daily and to grant me the Grace, Strength and Mercy to help me settle the uneasiness that remains in the pit of my stomach today; I believe I know what I need to do to settle my stomach, but I am scared.

In the next month, I think I’d like to apologize to my ex-husband. He feels like my missing link. The problem I need to solve.

My family is extremely supportive and I love them each and everyone. They seem to have accepted my apology without fail. I hope this brings the closeness we once had back into our lives.

I didn’t leave my first marriage as I should have. I left my sister, Sandy and her family in town to deal with my mess. I was a mess at that time and truly did not know how to handle the situation. To put it plain and simple, I was young, stupid and scared. I got a new career and threw myself into work.

Seeking forgiveness from everyone involved, has started to ease my mind. I still need to follow through with talking to my ex-husband. We will see if it helps.

DAIlY PROMPT FROM

http://writingthroughcancer.com

Related articles

Daily Prompt: Earworm

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What song is stuck in your head (or on permanent rotation in your CD  or MP3 player) these days? Why does it speak to you?

My favorite Christmas Song has been in my head all morning. I guess I can understand the reasoning going on inside my lopsided brain.

My life is in God’s hands. He has a plan for all of us and it is not ours to question. There is a reason He has me enduring these medical issues. I’ll never know why, I’ll just be myself and fight!

The lyrics to the song from the “Sound of Music” are cheery and have a peppy little tune. The song lyrics are about going from sad to glad and I really need to keep my attitude in the glad place for the next few days.

The urologist will be going over my MRI he ordered after his incidental findings during my kidney ultrasound. So you can see why a glad attitude could be a huge benefit over the next few days. 

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My Favorite Things by Maria
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens
Brown paper packages tied up with strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Cream colored ponies and crisp apple strudel
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings
These are a few of my favorite things

Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes
Silver white winters that melt into springs
These are a few of my favorite things

When the dog bites
When the bee stings
When I’m feeling sad
I simply remember my favorite things
And then I don’t feel so bad

[Repeat all verses]

 

Daily Prompt: Million Dollar Question

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Why do I blog?

We could go into detail about our blogging, but if you frequent our blog you know our story and why we blog. So, we decided to come up with a fictional response to this daily prompt.

Why do we blog?

We were sitting around the house one day, when we had an epiphany. “Why don’t we start an online blog to tell the world our deepest, darkest secrets?”

We can discuss our private lives and let our secrets out of the closet. We can finally talk about our real lives and stop hiding. We can finally let the world know who we really are.

In our real world, I am known as the “Wonder Woman” and Barry is known as “Hercules“. We met at superhero church party, many years ago, and fell in love. Batman and Robin introduced us. We were married three years later.

We continued to fight crime and keep the world safe from evil for 10 more years.

As the years went by, we both became weaker from injuries and life as superheros became harder to deal with.

We made the roughest decision of our lives. We decided to retire and lead normal lives. Our faithful friend, “Wonder Dog” decided to join us. 

Under superhero code, you may choose normal life over a superhero life. The one condition in the “Superhero Contract” is you have that choice one time.

Once you choose the path you are taking, there is no going back. Once you are normal, you’re normal. No special powers or super strength, just plain old Jane and John Doe.

We chose our place in the world (rural middle Georgia) and started our lives together as Mr. and Mrs. Barry Baynes with their faithful companion, Maggie.

 

Cowden Syndrome rearing it’s ugly head

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Barry is the most patient human being on earth. Either, God is giving him strength or he is hiding his fear really well. We are currently waiting to see a doctor for results of an abdominal/pelvic MRI.

During my renal ultrasound, they discovered something on my liver. The doctor’s answer was it is just an incidental finding, we’ll get an MRI to check it out. He thought he was easing my anxiety.Nope….just made it worse….why don’t they get that?

If they were honest enough to just say it could be this or this…..why not do more test to rule it out…..would have made me feel better……but since when is the patient supposed to feel good after seeing a doctor?

Other than that, even though the breast biopsy was negative. They are still investigating the cause of the problem. Another MRI this weekend and appointments all next week to get results and such.

My body is acting crazy and I can’t get a return call from a doctor to save my life. I am also experiencing a new symptom of cowden syndrome, that no one wants to help me with. These doctors wonder why people get depressed. I have a rare genetic disorder that actually scares the doctors treating me.

Barry is being a supportive dream. I am a fussy mess, he just tells me to relax and go sit down. I love that man.

I’m doing the paperwork to join the study at the Cleveland Clinic. Not sure it will do me a bit of good, but maybe it will help someone else dealing with this mess.

I need to go for now, have a few contacts to make. I think I have diverticulitis again. I have to call my doctor. I need to do paperwork for myself and mom. Have a great day everyone.

Barry and I didn’t know how to act yesterday. We saw a movie and had lunch out without dealing with a doctor’s office.

 

Root Word: itis

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Check out this link!

http://en.m.wiktionary.org/wiki/-itis#section_1

The root word “itis” means so much for such a small little thing. That small little thing has become one of those things I have learned not to enjoy hearing attached to words my doctor is telling me.

There are many minor “itis’s” that are no big deal, then there are those attached to words coming out of the mouths of the doctors we see. 

The medical profession is full of “itis” words I am sure many people out there would rather not hear. What gets us is when they bring out words you have to research. 

I think I’ll come up with a new affliction:

doctortis- Inflammation of doctors. That would not work, it could either mean you are inflamed by your doctors or your doctors are inflamed. Doesn’t exactly sound right. Neither one of the fits what we are suffering from. It should be doctorvisititis.

It would be nice if we could start charging doctors for the pleasure of our company, we’d rich by now.

I know this sounds a bit silly, but this is our life! With Barry retired, I’m hoping we can mix it up a bit and actually get a social life.

 

Daily Prompt: Happy Happy Joy Joy

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We cry for lots of reasons: sadness, pain, fear . . . and happiness. When was the last time you shed tears of joy?

I shed tears of joy today, at Barry‘s Retirement Party. My adorable husband retired today after working over 32 years for the great state of Georgia. Even though Barry wasn’t ready to retire, he has accepted the fact that it is time for him to relax a little. Now I just need to figure out how to keep him busy.

I admit, I thought it might turn into a kicking and screaming deal, but he held it together. I cried as I watched the slide show they had put together of his years with them. It was so sweet. Someone at his place of employment knows how to hijack pictures from Facebook and WordPress.

I was incredibly proud to hear and see the praises his office and coworkers had for him. They had quite a shindig put together for him. I was impressed. On top of his current coworkers, several people from his decades at work that showed up to wish him well. Through the party, I never heard a negative word about my sweet hubby. 

He was Mr. Cool, Calm and Collected until we headed home. That is when the tears of joy made the rounds in our car. First Barry, when I saw he was crying, I lost it. When Mom realized what was going on we all just cried our way home.

Maggie gets worried if she thinks you are upset, when we got home, she tried to comfort us all. Nothing like being licked to death my a drooling boxer.

Please Forgive My Absence

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Please forgive my absence for the past few days. Imagine the nerve of life getting in the way. I’ll admit I let the “poor pitiful me’s” get in the way. When my favorite urologist found my new problem, my mood kinda hit the toilet with a big splash. I’ve had 2 days of sulking and I’m tired of being the only “stick in the mud” at the party.

Time for a reality check. Yes, I am sick. Yes, I hurt all day everyday. Yes, I have to see a lot of doctors. But………I love the Lord, I adore my husband, I have a loving, happy, sometimes screwed family, I have 2 great pets (a dog that thinks she is human and a fish that will come to the top of the bowl when called), I have a great life.

Why I let myself get all down and depressed, I’ll never understand. One doctor I see told me to quit worrying about getting upset. He said it’s not like I don’t have a million things to worry about.

Maybe all this studying and work I’ve done, on turning my issues over to the Lord, is working. It was much easier to turn this over to God, than in the past. I really think that listening and learning in church is the way to go. Growing up, I was more concerned with who was at church, than what I was learning. I’m learning a lot at Victory Baptist Church, they are such a truly incredible group of people.

Tomorrow is the MRI of my abdomen and pelvis. I’m praying that whatever Dr. M saw on my liver is no longer there. Please think of me tomorrow, Barry and I can use all the prayers we can get.

 

Daily Prompt: Competition

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What activity, task, or game most brings out your competitive streak? 

Board Games drive me insane. It doesn’t matter which one of them it is,I get angry thinking about them.  Just the thought of pulling a board game out gives my  competitive hormone the kick in the hiney it cannot stand.. Maybe it is the fact that I stink at every board game I have ever tried to play. Or it could be the no good braggers that I play with. Who knows? I’ll just continue to avoid them like the plague.

The only violence I have ever exhibited when playing, was with my ex-husband. He loved to play chess. I know how, but I stink. In one of his rare forms, when he was wiping the board with me, he went too far. I picked the board up and threw it at him. Needless to say, we never played again.

I’ve played Gin Rummy and Scrabble, with Barry, no problems. I do not think we’ll ever play chess. 

Word of the Weekend: RISPOSTE

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  • RIPOSTE
  • \rih-POHST\
  • DEFINITION

noun

1: a fencer‘s quick return thrust following a parry
2: a retaliatory verbal sally : retort
3: a retaliatory maneuver or measure
  • EXAMPLES

The lifelong friends always greeted each other the same way: John would point out Gary’s thinning hair, then Gary would come back with a riposteabout John’s golf game.

“Modernism, with its strong Gothic influences recalling the glories of medieval Barcelona, was very much a riposte to the conservative architecture that flourished in Madrid at the time.” — From an article by Andrew Allen in The New York Times, February 8, 2013

  • DID YOU KNOW?

In the sport of fencing, a riposte is a counterattack made after successfully fending off one’s opponent. English speakers borrowed the name for this particular maneuver from French in the early 1700s, but the French had simply modified Italian “risposta,” which literally means “answer.” Ultimately these words come from the Latin verb “respondēre” meaning “to respond.” It seems fitting that “riposte” has since come full circle to now refer to a quick and witty response performed as a form of retaliation
Read more at http://www.merriam-webster.com/word-of-the-day/#fVAVQUgZR2zEEr0U.99