Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 14, 2013: Music is Good Medicine by Jill Baynes

After my brain surgery, I longed for the ability to sing. The side effects caused from the unremovable portion of the tumor, took my voice away. The tumor left in my head is pressing into cranial nerves, causing many of numerous parts of my body to malfunction from the shoulders up. The one thing I miss the most, continued to be the ability to sing.

I sang in chior as a child at church and continued into adult choir. As a middle-schooler, they offered chorus. I tried out and made the chorus in middle-school, then continued through high school. Apparently, I was blessed with a high soprano voice. At one point, I could actually hit a high C.

I loved to sing in the car. Especially when I was all by myself. I’d crank the radio up and sing my head off! I loved it. I miss it!

Barry and I found a church home locally last year. Since singing at church, I have been able to at least put words together that comes out like singing. It is not pretty, but the words come in a gersion of song. Thanks to our weekly worship, the good Lord is helping me find my voice again. I pray to thank Him for his blessings daily and sing my heart out weekly. Hopefully, my voice will continue to strengthen. In my case, music has definitely been good medicine.

Writing through cancer: For the Week of June 30, 2013: Rediscovering Summer’s Joys

Through our health crisis’ s, Barry and I did not think  a lot about what we were losing, we focused on changing our behaviors,  unknowingly bringing a few Summer’s Joys back into our lives.

Gone are the days of lying on the couch, doing nothing to benefit ourselves. We have a plan for each day of the week. When our schedule is not saturated with appointments, we find an activity and get involved. We have found a local farmer’s market that carries items from around the world. We are enjoying experimenting with our new discoveries. There are several fruits from around the world, that might loook a little strange, but are quite tasty.

We walk, we work out, we have found a therapy pool to try out this summer, we garden, we feed the birds in the yard and plant things especially for the wildlife around. We hope to catch a few photos of them nibbling on the goodies we have provided.

We have a few special projects planned for the yard,  but will have to wait on chemo, radiation and the good southern sun to cool off before we can get started. The Georgia heat and humidity has to die down to be productive outside. It will drain you in a flat second if you aren’t careful. I think getting the cast off will help a lot.

Dad has been really sick this summer. The doctor has actually not given him long to live. He is being discharged home on Hospice care. Been busy trying to help as much as possible.  Poor Kristie is worn out. I wish we could help more. We are being as supportive as possible.

We have planted a few Japanese Maple Trees, that are looking incredible. I love watching what we plant grow. I can’t wait to work on our butterfly garden. I love watching the flutterflies and hummingbirds go wild on the blossoms.

With chemo and radiation, our summer joy’s will be early fall joys this year, but hey….we have something to look forward to.

Ms.Mater, the first resident I assessed for admission to a Personal Care Home

As I walked down the hallway, toward Ms. Mater’s room, the air was filled with laughter. I knocked on the door four times before someone heard me. I was instructed to “come in”. I looked around the room as I walked in. The room was full of resident’s of the home, as well as employees. Ms. Mater was the center of attention. I was about to discover that she loved every minute.

Ms. Mater had suffered a debilatating stroke and upon discharge from rehabilitation, she was scheduled to move into our building. All of this was a preliminary arrangement, based on the results of the assessment I was about to go through with her. Procedure, procedure, procedure…….

I introduced myself and asked a staffmember to assist with the other resident’s; I needed Ms. Mater to myself to complete the assessment.

Once alone with my new friend, she started cracking jokes. This sweet, little, gray-haired lady was hilarious! She had me about to wet myself within seconds. Within minutes we were fast friends. A friendship that continues today. Even though she can’t hear me, we speak several times monthly and we visit when in the area.  Neither of us gets out like we used to, but we enjoy life.

Ms. Mater elegantly answered my questions and performed the tasks I asked of her, without complaint and to the best of her current abilities. She made no excuses for her defeciencies, she joked them off. As we worked, she told me stories of her childhood. She claimed to have grown up being called “The Ugly Duckling”

I just could not see it, she had such a timeless beauty. She said she grew up on her farm, the oldest of three girls. She was born with a headful of flaming red curls and as each of her sisters were born, they had Strawberry blonde curls. She said she was furious, until they grew up and she was prettier than both of them. From what I heard, she did not mind sharing that fact at all.

The only clue she was ever a red-head, was the red tint in her silver hair. It almost appeared to be blonde or light brown. She never left her room without being immaculately dressed, with makeup and lipstick perfect.

She had a set weekly appointment with beautician. I was sworn to secrecy over how she keeps her hair in place at night. It is actually a little funny. She doesn’t know it, but I have a photo of her sleeping in her get-up.

Ms. Mater was crazy about my now husband. She repeatedly told me that if she were twenty years younger, she’d take Barry away from me. I wouldn’t put it past her to at least try. Ms. Mater always said she loved me due to my “smart-…” attitude. I’d just say “back at you”and keep going.

When I need to cheer myself or need a little giggle, I think of Ms. Mater. It always makes me smile. I can see her sitting in my office chair, telling everything I need to get done “around here”. Cheers me right up! I’ll usually give her a call later that evening. I miss having her around!

Tomorrow

The doctor has decided that my left knee needs replacing. At the moment my left leg is swollen from the ankle up to my hip. I look like I have a cankle. Since my brain tumor surgery, I haven’t been light on my feet.

The falls I have taken, since brain surgery really screwed up my balance, ha done a job on my left knee. I’ve been incredibly lucky and only ended up in the emergency room one time. I had forgotten how bad getting stitches hurts! But all the falling has taken care of any useful cartilage in my knee.

With the breast cancer, I’m still waiting to hear which treatments I will be getting. So, I am sure knee surgery is going to have to wait until after my treatments. I’m making a list of questions, for both doctors, I need to add that to both list.

This is crazy, I’m putting my health issues in a que to be handled in order of importance. Cowden Syndrome strikes again!

Wednesday afternoon, I am having a cyst removed from my right wrist. I’ve had wear a cast a few times when the cyst was enlarged. Apparently to get it to stop, it needs removing. My right hand is my only good hand. I need to keep it in shape as long as possible. I’m not looking forward to a cast or brace again, but I’m a tough cookie. I can handle it! Wish me luck!

Daily Prompt: In Good Faith: A brother’s wish

Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FAITH.

During a shift at my first job, I admitted a man to my unit that was in bad shape.  I discovered his admission was at the request of his Hospice,  for pain management. Being a new graduate nurse, you get crazy assignments and tough cases as learning experiences.

I completed the proper paperwork, gave the patient medications his doctor ordered, did what I could to help the family and make them comfortable. I gave the report to my charge nurse and then; started rounds on my other assigned patients.

The supervisor met me in the hallway to tell me of a status change for my new patient. When I returned to his room, I met a representative from his Hospice and he introduced me to the family gathered to say good-bye. My new patient’s diagnosis was End Stage Pancreatic Cancer and his last wishes were to be admitted to Room 434 at the Regional Hospital, where his wife passed away. She died, in 1984, in the same room where he laid dying now.

The Hospice nurse explained his wishes a little better. When his time was close, he requested to be admitted to the hospital for pain management. For about two hours, I played private-duty nurse to his family for whatever need may arise. I tenderly cared for their family member and provided pain management, as ordered, to keep him as comfortable as my capable hands could.

It did not take long for the signs that God was calling him home to show up. His respiration’s were becoming shallow and his heart rate slowing. When the end was upon us, our patient’s brother stepped forward and stated. ” I’d give anything, to see him sit up in bed and take one more breath.”

As in slow motion, my patient slowly, sat up in bed and drew in a long exacerbated breath, fell back on his pillow and was gone. Everyone just looked around the room in amazement. The Good Lord swept in and took him off to be with his wife.

As I watched the family leaving and listened to their stories of this man’s life, I imagined he and his wife walking, hand-in hand, down a beautiful street in heaven.

My faith has always been strong. When it falters just a little, I think back to the 39 years of patients I have cared for and the many unexplained things I have seen. I have no doubt in my mind, there is a God and he is with us always! This story is about my first spiritual encounter. I will never forget the feeling in that room. I left the room full of faith and longing. I get goosebumps, just thinking of that night.

Daily Prompt: Person of the Year

You’re asked to nominate someone for TIME’s Person of the Year. Who would it be, and why?

My nominee for Time’s Person of the Year would be my best friend, the love of my life, Mr. Barry L. Baynes. He does not feel he would deserve such an honor, but in my eyes he was the only person I would consider nominating. He has been my night in shining armor for several years.

Barry suffered a massive right-sided stroke in Dec. 2012. I almost lost him. His percerverence and determination not to let that stroke get him down, has given me strength and will to push through the health issues I have currently and really push myself into recovery and staying healthy.

Barry has been my love, my companion and my chauffer through what feels like millions of appointments with numerous doctors.

We started the year off running in January,  with a referral to a breast specialist at Emory over something suspicious on a mammogram. We were off to learn our way around another section of Emory University Hospital‘s clinics. (By now, Barry and I should have a wing dedicated to whatever we want.)

When Barry was not feeling well, he was there, never complaining always supportive. He gets stronger (from the stroke) daily. I can see the changes. He strength never faltered.

He has been my rock, he let me draw on his strength as I needed to. He was always positive. As doctors delivered news we really did not want to hear, Barry had a smile on his face. He tried to keep my mood elevated the best he could.

When I knew he wasn’t feeling his best, he tried to not let it show. He is always encouraging and loving.

All of the above are reasons, Mr. Barry L. Baynes, would be my nominee for Time’s Person of the Year. I could not think of anyone more deserving of this award.

image

Jill and Barry Baynes

For the Week of June 9, 2013: When You’re Laughin’…

When You’re Laughin’…

I may have written about this one before, but I giggle to myself everytime I think about it! My father is such a caefree soul. Nothing ever appears to phase him. He could be pants’ ed by a naked clown and nothing, no response. I guess I get it from him. It takes a lot to get me going. If I am to the point of tears, leave me alone. If it is happy tears, point me to the bathroom quickly.

My dad was out out for lunch with his girlfriend, Charlene. They had a great time at lunch and were getting ready to leave. Pop got the check from the waitress and was headed to pay the check, while Charlene checked her make-up. While standing in line, a car in the parking lot caught dad’s attention. He thought he recognized someone.

The cashier said next, pop went to take a step forward when he realized his pants are around his ankles. He non-chalantly looks around the room, no one appears to have noticed. He slowly leans over, to grab his pants. He quickly pulls them up, as he glances around the room. He wants to make sure no one has seen what happened. When he was sure his pants were secue, he ran to the car.

He and Ms. Charlene have never eaten at that restaurant again. I can’t believe my dad was actually embarassed.

Photo display leading to my wonderful news

This slideshow requires JavaScript.

Received wonderful news, Margins are clear….now off to Radiation Oncologist to discuss treatment! Thanks for the prayers and support!

Writing through Cancer for week of June 2, 2013: Hope is a thing with feathers!

This is a continuation of our post earlier this week:

That sweet little boy at the Birthday Party, looking and hoping he could find more presents hidden within the gift wrap piled on the floor. He was frantically searching; he was positive, he would find one more present. he was showing he had total faith in his situation. His thoughts alive with the feeling of hope.  He just knew he would find one more present. So adorable searching.

Before we had wrapping paper all over the house, we got a bag and played gift wrap basketball. Making a game out of the cleanup, let him see there were no more presents. he was able to focus on the gifts he received and the house full of people who came to celebrate with him and his sister.

Hope covers many aspects of  our lives.Dealing with a serious illness brings hope into your life in several ways. you hope the illness will not get bad, you hope to live through whatever illness you are going through, you hope your families will be there for you and not change their minds as you get worse, you hope the people you have called friends for years will be there when you need them.

There is so much hope involved in illnesses. It is hard to deal with hope, when you are fighting so hard to stay healthy and you find yourself surrounded by people you cannot count on. You need to remember that God is always there. Giving your troubles and burdens to God must be done with total faith, then we can continue our walk in life with the assurance that when trouble comes; we know God is there and that whatever the new trouble is,God is never surprised, for He is with you.

Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the middle of the sea. If your faith is not strong, we lose hope and start looking for a quick fix.

Psalm 46:1-God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble

Psalm 31:24-Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord

Psalm 33:18-Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;

Psalm 33:22-Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.

Psalm 38:15-For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.

                 King James Version (KJV)     

It is that faith,  is our Hope and knowledge that God knows when we are on this rocky bumpy road, and holding that faith is when God puts his loving arms around us and smooths out the road ahead.

Though we may never know the why, but really do we need to know, because this is where we gain Wisdom as we talk to God and, no matter what comes our way, you know God will see you through it.

Through my illness, I have struggled with worry, stress, and anything else that made me worry. It wasn’t until I started praying for hope, mercy and understanding that I was able to but my health in God’s hands. I recently went through a breast cancer ordeal that I had no worries about I knew it would be ok. God was doing the hard work for me.

I am currently struggling with another issue. I am handing it over to the good Lord tonight hoping he can lead me in the right direction with re-motivating my partner in crime, I’m wearing my husband out. Barry suffered a stroke a few years ago and is doing wonderful, but he’s worn out. I need to see what I can do to give him a break. We both need a break, but that will have to wait a little longer. I do not know what I would do without him.

One day at a time!