Category Archives: Coping Skills

Shopping with Mom

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The three of us went for a few groceries this afternoon.  Mom needed some milk snd had forgotten to pick it up, so we stopped at our friendly corner Kroger store.

We sat in the car while mom ran in. I pulled the car forward a little to look at a vine they had for sale. Looked like Mini-Black-Eyed Susans. Very cool looking vine and I want one!!!

While checking thenvine out, we didn’t see mom come out of the store and get into another car.  She had been sitting there for maybe 10 minutes when the owner of the car appeared.  They were curious ad to whom was in their car and started demanding answers loud enough that it got my attention.

Barry hurried out of the car to mom’s rescue as a police car pulled up. Twenty-five minutes later and avstetn lecture from Officer Goodguy, we headed home. Poor mom was shaking like a leaf.

The Officer meant well, but he didn’t tell us anything we were not stressing over already. The car she had gotten in could have taken off with her; she could have walked off, or dhe could have been hurt. Every horrible thing posdible wad running through my mind. Thank the good Lord she was ok.

Jill and Barry Baynes

Not sure this is an Urban Legend, but I found out it is true….the hard way!

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Ever heard that if you stick a snapping turtle to a person, they will not let go until they hear thunder rumble? Well, let me tell you about a fishing trip when I was 2 years old. My sister Sandy was 4 years old when this occurred.

Pop caught a turtle and let Sandy play with it. For years, Dad had told us all these crazy stories about animals. One of those stories listed above. Mom and dad were not paying attention.Little Miss Sandy decided to try this tale out. When I turned around, quickly, Sandy stuck the turtle to my stomach, right at the top of my ribs.

That turtle latched on, Sandy screamed let it go and ran. I immediately started to bleed and I added to the screaming. Mom put her pole down and came to check on us. A storm was blowing up. At the moment mom reached me, there was a rumble of thunder and that crazy turtle let go and fell to the ground. Mom picked it up and threw it in the water. She yelled at Dad it was time to go. We packed up and headed home. I still have a scar today.

As you can tell, we had a little more freedom as children when we were younger!

 

Another story took place in our backyard. We had a little plastic pool in the backyard to splash around and cool off. Sandy decided she wanted to teach me how to swim. Mom said that was fine. Sandy and I filled the pool up and got in our swimsuits. Sandy’s idea of teaching me to swim was me on my stomach lying on the bottom of the pool with her sitting on my back. I’m just thankful mom checked on us before I drowned. Needless to say we were not allowed in the pool alone anymore. I still thought my big sister was the coolest thing on earth.

Writing through Cancer for week of June 2, 2013: Hope is a thing with feathers!

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When I think of hope, the saying, “Hope springs eternal” is the first thing that comes to mind. The sad thing about this phrase is it sounds cheerful and sweet, when it means things are hopeless! What a nice way to say something is hopeless. (from Alexander Pope’s poem, “Essay on Man” from 1734)

-Hope springs eternal in the human breast;

Man never is, but always to be blessed:

The soul, uneasy and confined from home,

Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

– Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

Origin of Hope Springs Eternal From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope_Springs_Eternal

Definition of Hope From:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope

How do I write about hope? My best example is my great-niece and nephew’s birthday party. My great-niece is older, so she understood presents a little better than her brother. I love kids, especially my sister’s kids and their grandchildren. Since I was unable to conceive a child, I spoiled my sister’s children with the loudest, most annoying toys I could find. I was younger and in better health with my older sister’s kids, so I was able to spoil her children more than my younger sister. But I’m having fun with them now, they are older and understand my illness better.

Julie-bug is my oldest sister’s daughter. I have recently discovered that she doesn’t care if we give her kiddo’s noisy toys, Soooooooo…….watch-out Bugs, you may not know what your quiet Uncle Barry is capable of. He is a prankster in disguise. My oldest sister’s brother’s do not have children yet, so their time will come. We cannot wait!

The party we went to was precious. My niece has turned into Super Mom! She is so creative and always has been. Home-made everything from decorations to the cake. She is Wonder Woman. I am so proud. She has always made me feel like a special part of her life and I feel honored that she has let me be part of her life! She has accepted Barry as her uncle as if he had been around her entire life. It thrills Barry to be a part of her kids lives. Luke too, of course. Julie did a super job in that department also. Her hubby is a sweetheart and treats her like a gem!

OK, back to the party……our little nephew would open his gifts, play with the toy for a while and  on to the next gift. When he got to the last of the gifts and the only thing left was paper. He searched every inch of the paper, numerous times,  looking for another present. Until his sweet mommy picked the paper up, he was positive there was another gift lost in all that paper. When Julie took the paper away, he had a look of sheer disappointment on his sweet little face. Just adorable!

About 30 minutes later, he found the bag of gift wrap. By the time he was found, he was upside down in the trash can still looking through the paper. When he was pulled out of the can, all he said was “Birthday, please”. The can had to be removed from the room.

I love kids. I would have had a houseful if I could have, but Barry and I are enjoying being Aunt Gege and Uncle Bear! All six niece’s and nephews have called us that. I’m still called Gege by the 30 year olds. They are still adorable. We love you guys! I hope this is a good example of Hope. A little boy’s Hope that there were more presents. Adorable! I am a little prejudiced.

May is Brain Tumor Awareness Month

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Thanks for everything you did!

Thank you for everything you do to aid those of us dealing with this daily!  God Bless you all!

Jill and Barry Baynes

Just Write: Raising Mom/ written to post next week, it couldn’t wait! Forgive me please

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my momma

my momma

Mom is struggling.
She regrets so much in life
She is worried about her husband, but the home wasn’t safe for either of them to live.
Sleep with a gun on your bedside table, not feeling comfortable in your home or around your husband’s family.
She doesn’t understand why her problem started.
Bipolar Disease and Lewy Body Dementia?
I’m not sick, where did this come from?
The doctors have spoken with her, but her brain can no longer fully understand.
Feels like the old her is slipping away.
Fighting her independence, fear slipping in.
The unknown is scary.
Accepting her daughters and son-in-laws as caregivers and protectors.
Barry and I are helpful and supportive, she doesn’tbknow how to accept assistance or be humble when needed,
This is not the way it should go.
She dreads becoming a burden, even though everyone tells her she isn’t, We also love her dearly.
She feels like nothing is wrong, until the terror sets in at night.
Hallucinations and living out dreams with family long gone.
Should be scary, but she enjoys seeing her visitors.
Mom hates medication, but it is working beautifully. Big improvementd, no more driving.
She’ll adapt, she didn’t need to drive anyway. She used to be a wee-bit scary behind the wheel
Life with mom, our big adventure.

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http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/2011/09/10/just-
write/

Round Two Prep: Clearing the Margins

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As my second trip under the knife, for breast cancer approaches, my mind is clear and worry free. I think of the tasks I need to complete before leaving in the morning, a sweet lady from church is taking mom to her appointment in the morning, Maggie will be taken care of when we leave, and my bag is packed. All Barry and I need to do is get up and leave.

Although my mind is clear, I’m not looking forward to even light anesthesia.  I’m not fully out of the last round and here I go again. Maybe it will flush out easily. I’m learning to enjoy water again. Maybe that is my lesson of the month, drink more water.

I need to be up by 4am, if I can ever get to sleep. I’m tired, but my head doesn’t want to stop. I’ll lay down in a few minutes. Barry is taking me tomorrow and he’ll be alone. Hopefully he will not be a nervous wreck. I worry anout him being alone. He is tolerating stress better than he used to.

For the week of May 26, 2013, Writing through Cancer

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Reclaim the sacred in your life.  Embrace quiet, the stillness.  Meander along a trail, near the sea, the woods, a long walk along city streets.  Take in the sights, sounds, smells, and movement.  Write about what you see—one single observation.  Describe it and let it take you wherever it takes you.

Sunday afternoon is my favorite time of the week. Mom knows Barry is watching Nascar, which means we get approximately 3 hours of total peace and quiet.  No interruptions, just Barry, myself and Maggie May. Oops….I can’t forget Shotgun, the fish.

Don’t get me wrong, having mom here is turning into a blessing. I feel better knowing she is close, since Barry and I have handled illnesses like hers, in the past. Although she can be challenging to deal with at times, she is my mommy and has a way of keeping life interesting around the house.

On Sunday afternoon, Barry and I veg-out in our chairs in the living room. Maggie will make the rounds from me, to Barry and then to the couch, where she will usually stay snuggled up in her blanket. She is the sweetest looking thing all snuggled up and sleeping.

The funny thing with our little pup, is that she poots (little squeakers) and snores like a sailor when sleeping. If you are sitting near her when the squeakers start, Move fast!

As Barry and I watch the race, I can hear the bubbling fish tank in the background. Noise from the street is minimal, most days. The weekends appear to bring out Motorcycle alley, on the road behind us. I think a local riding group meets at the clubhouse nearby to start there weekend ride.

We live in a beautiful area to ride. I enjoy hearing the motors ride by every weekend. Maggie doesn’t understand and spends time watching them out the window. Just precious.

As the racecars on the television make their preverbial left turn for the Nascar fans; the hum of the engines slowly makes my nap draw closer. I spend my time during the race talking with Barry, making a list of things I need to do for the week, and I work on my nails. When my body is to the point, that the hum of the engines makes me want to curl up with a pillow and blanket, I do! I usually sleep like a baby, until Barry wakes me up to get ready for church.

My house is not perfectly clean. It looks lived in. In my opinion, your home should be clean and lived in. There are a few clothes I need to hang up on the rocker. The pup keeps the couch turned upsidedown. Barry is quietly rocking in his recliner, close to napping himself. Mom is very quiet in the back. I need to checkmon her.

Here I sit, typing my post. If I’m not too sleepy, I’ll get my word for the weekend posted. Otherwise, I’ll play catch up all week. My everyone have a wonderful Memorial Day! Shake a soldiers hand and say thank you. Hope everyonenis blessed with weather as gorgeous as ours. Be safe!

My Adorable Husband

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I have to share a something my sweetheart of a husband did this week, with a tiny goof-up!

Barry has been Mr. Romance this week. The ring pictured above was a little surprise I received earlier this week. We stopped in the jewelry store to dop off a ring for repair.

While in the store, one of the saleswomen brought this beautiful ring to me and requested I try it on. She had my white gold band with her and handed it to me also. I thought Barry must haven left his band for cleaning, I was a little confused.

Once the ring was on my finger, Barry said Happy ‘Belated’ Anniversay. He proceeded to say ‘ We have had a rough few months and we were not able to do our anniversary up right last month.’ He kissed my cheek and said ‘I love you, honey. Happy Anniversary!’ It was so sweet.

The funny part or ‘BIG BOOBOO’ came a few minutes later when Barry pulled my wedding band out of his pocket for me to put on.

One of the medications I have been on cause my hands to swell. I haven’t been able to wear my band for a few months.

The funny part is that Barry had given, the jewelry store, his wedding band to be cleaned and enlarged. He had my band thinking it was his. So I am now wearing his band with my new engagement ring.

          Just a little side note: My original band was       stolen. We are not positive when, but are sure we have a good idea what happened to it. Barry went with the Saphire because I had always wanted something different.

When he took the bands in, earlier that morning, he had his band on his ring finger and mine on his pinky. He took the ring off his ring finger and left it to be worked on, leaving my band on his pinky. The engraving on my new wedding band (Barry’s band) was gone with the size change.

For Christmas this year, I’ll sneak our rings away to Santa’s workshop for a fresh engraving. He’ll like that!          
             

              Mr. Barry Baynes, the love of my life!

For the Week of May 19, 2013: Happy Anniversary

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Sitting here, I try to think about what to do with this writing prompt and I am finding it hard to make my decision. There are so many things in my life that could be referenced as an anniversary; but then they should be considered important dates in my life, but I do not see the point of calling them anniversaries. It actually depresses me a little to place that much importance on such painful memories.

If I called any of my memorable pain filled days an anniversary, it would be the day I found out about my diagnosis of Cowden Syndrome and gangliocytoma, a brain tumor. This is the date that forever changed my life. A day I will never forget.   The brilliant neurologist that was chosen to give me the news, was greatly in need of bedside manner training, instead of Shock and Awe Therapy. It has been my experience, that when the news is bad, the doctor has no tact at all or they tell you the least amount of info possible; the worst thing in the world to do is research on the internet. It will only manage to scare you silly. A bit of info goes absolutely nowhere.

I prefer to keep happy things for anniversaries. Maybe I should look at each yearly anniversary of my illness as a good thing. After all, I am still alive and kicking. But I owe that to the Good Lord above. My life is in his hands, he watches over Barry and I. Our faith keeps us going.

This leads me to what I really consider the important days in my life. The day I met my husband (10/31/1998); the date we started dating (12/15/2001); the first time he kissed me ( 01/02/2002); the date he proposed ( 11/13/2003) my 38th birthday; our wedding date (4/3/2004); and then my diagnosis date (2/25/09); saw my neurosurgeon (4/1/2009); and had brain surgery (4/6/2009) five days after my fifth wedding anniversary.

The other dates are just part of God‘s plan for my life. I know when they are because I have to give my medical history a million times in a week. I should know it by heart, but I do have days I cannot remember brushing my teeth in the morning. So I keep a nice, tidy list of medications and medical history on my tablet. Which is a permanent part of my purse. I call it my brain.

There was a time that I felt like someone or something was out to get me. Through the Grace of God, I have handled my latest illness without feeling like a nut job. I’ll explain a little further; since the year 2000, I have gone under general anesthesia 14 times. My tonsils have been removed 2 times (40+ years apart). When it was discovered I had Thyroid Cancer, it took 3 treatments and full body scans to clear it out of my body. (after my thyroid gland was removed); they were unable to fully remove the brain tumor and I am suffering from after effects of the tumor moving around in my head, pressing into cranial nerves. My vocal chords twitch constantly; I have difficulty swallowing; breathing is difficult at times; my left arm and leg are in constant pain;  my balance was affected by the brain surgery, so I have trouble standing and walking. Trust me, you do not want to see me run!

This is not everything, but it is enough to show you that I am depending on my Faith for survival. It has always been my philosophy, that when you tell me I cannot do something it just makes me want to do it more. Helps me yo fight off those feelings of I cannot do this any longer.

If I need to have an anniversary, I think I would stick to April 6th, 2009. Other than my wedding day, that is the date that changed my life. My sweet husband has been by my side through it all. With our wedding anniversary being so close to “The New Me” anniversary, we celebrate through the month of April. Once the weather is warm enough, we plant a new flower in our “Victory Garden”. We spend the.month of April writing each other love notes and planning what to do on our days. Then we choose a plant to enhance our Garden. I’d share a picture if I had a new one. Nothing is blooming yet, thus far. I’ll snap a shot when it starts.

THANK YOU, BARRY BAYNES, for making all our anniversaries special! I Love You to the moon and back!

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Lazy Sunday Afternoon…….

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I sit here gazing out my rear window, deep in thought. The past few weeks have kept my head in a spin and it can be difficult to get it to slow down, much less stop. There appears to be a storm blowing up. We can always use the rain and it makes our yard nice and perky.

The birds are flying around, squirrels are bustling everywhere and I watched as a wild rabbit scurried into the log he has called home for some time now. Animals are scampering around the yard as if they are about to miss a big sale. The wind has picked up and the leaves on our trees are making that fluttery sound they make when a brisk wind hits. I can hear a few cars buzz by in the distance. Barry is asleep in his chair for an afternoon nap. Maggie just jumped up in my lap, looked up at me and curled up into my 40+ pound lap dog. The wind has the pine trees, over by the driveway, making a creaking sound. It just amazes me, that here sitting by a little window in the house, all those precious noises of nature can be heard and distinguished from one another. God can do some amazing things.

The bird feeders and wind chimes are starting to sway as the breeze grows stronger.The knockout roses seem to be attempting to turn their pots cover on the front porch. Their blooms remaining intact as the sway in the wind. The stormy weather is definitely closer. My breeze has turned into a moderate wind. The Lantana that is just beginning to come out toward the sunlight is starting to get caught in the wind. My native lilies, at the top of the drive, seem to have hundreds of chipmunks or other small creatures wrestling in the leaves. They are preparing to bloom, I hope this weather doesn’t injure the blooms. 

It appears that time has come to ready myself for our evening church services. I hope we can arrive before this weather and get settled inside. Everyone, please have a safe and happy Sunday evening. We  are in for bad weather through the night again, from what our forecasters are saying. Maybe it won’t get too bad. We have only one casualty from last night’s storms. Our garage door opener either bit the dust or somehow managed to be struck by lightning. We’ll find out in the morning. Gonna call Mr. Repairman.

We made it to and from church without getting wet, thank you Lord! Once we got home, got online with our cable provider and found out our wiring is shot outside the house and we have to wait til Tuesday for a repairman. No internet, no cable and no home phone service for three days. Will we survive?? I promise not to injure Barry, but what if he gets mad enough at me? I can’t run anymore.

You all know I’m teasing. I’ll just drag him out of here, shopping. We need a new car. Never hurts to window shop. We can work in the yard, go to the gym, go hiking, go to the movies. There are many ways I can think of to keep Mr. Baynes busy.He might not like spending money, but he’ll survive!

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