Writing through cancer: For the Week of June 23, 2013: How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

Of late, I’m going to be known as the aunt that was turned into a witch after brain surgery. I want to see what I can do to change that. Everyone has so much to do that no one has time to remember what family is and how to treat each other. Everyone also needs to remember that they are not the only ones with full lives. We all have busy, full lives.

My family needs to realize that I will never be the person I used to be before and I cannot be forced backward into that person. My body is not the same and avoiding me is not the way to handle things. Barry is not the same either. We are both different and having mom in the house does not mean AVOID AVOID AVOID. WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY and always will be. We may just be aunts and uncles, it doesn’t mean put us out of the family.

We would love to be known as a loving couple that welcomed their family with open arms whenever needed. The smart uncle and creative aunt that would fo anything for anyone. Not be isolated and un-notified of family gatherings.

Brain injuries, strokes and dementia cause changes to the brain, as well as the brain chemistry. All the above can cause changes in behavior. They can be managed by medications, but will always be there. This does not mean a person is CRAZY!

Barry and I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy Aunt and Uncle that took care of Me-maw in her later days. We’d like to be known as the full of life couple that participates in everything with the family and greatly enjoyed every minute. We want to be known as abfamily-oriented couple.

We only need to know when something is happening. Telephones work two ways these days. I plan to do better with communication. I’m just hoping pther people reading this do the same. It only takes a second to make a phone call.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowden_syndrome

Lunch at Applebees: A New Barry Moment

Barry and I had lunch at the local Applebees. I guess we eat there too often, they know us by name and remember our usuals.

We tried out there new summer menu, but we stayed on the lighter side. Gave me a few ideas to try at home. We’ll see.

The waitress brought our check out. Barry gave her what was needed to handle the bill. As he gave it to her for processing, he said, “If that card doesn’t work, I have a doctor’s excuse that allows me to wash dishes.”

When she returned after processing the payment, she stated, “You can do dishes if you want, but the card went through.”

I quickly told her, “I do not know him, he offered me lunch and I said sure.”

She said, “Hey, you got a free lunch” and sped off back to work.

Barry can be such a clown. I love him for trying to lighten my mood. We have a huge day ahead of us and he knows I stressing a little. He is just a sweetheart.

Ms.Mater, the first resident I assessed for admission to a Personal Care Home

As I walked down the hallway, toward Ms. Mater’s room, the air was filled with laughter. I knocked on the door four times before someone heard me. I was instructed to “come in”. I looked around the room as I walked in. The room was full of resident’s of the home, as well as employees. Ms. Mater was the center of attention. I was about to discover that she loved every minute.

Ms. Mater had suffered a debilatating stroke and upon discharge from rehabilitation, she was scheduled to move into our building. All of this was a preliminary arrangement, based on the results of the assessment I was about to go through with her. Procedure, procedure, procedure…….

I introduced myself and asked a staffmember to assist with the other resident’s; I needed Ms. Mater to myself to complete the assessment.

Once alone with my new friend, she started cracking jokes. This sweet, little, gray-haired lady was hilarious! She had me about to wet myself within seconds. Within minutes we were fast friends. A friendship that continues today. Even though she can’t hear me, we speak several times monthly and we visit when in the area.  Neither of us gets out like we used to, but we enjoy life.

Ms. Mater elegantly answered my questions and performed the tasks I asked of her, without complaint and to the best of her current abilities. She made no excuses for her defeciencies, she joked them off. As we worked, she told me stories of her childhood. She claimed to have grown up being called “The Ugly Duckling”

I just could not see it, she had such a timeless beauty. She said she grew up on her farm, the oldest of three girls. She was born with a headful of flaming red curls and as each of her sisters were born, they had Strawberry blonde curls. She said she was furious, until they grew up and she was prettier than both of them. From what I heard, she did not mind sharing that fact at all.

The only clue she was ever a red-head, was the red tint in her silver hair. It almost appeared to be blonde or light brown. She never left her room without being immaculately dressed, with makeup and lipstick perfect.

She had a set weekly appointment with beautician. I was sworn to secrecy over how she keeps her hair in place at night. It is actually a little funny. She doesn’t know it, but I have a photo of her sleeping in her get-up.

Ms. Mater was crazy about my now husband. She repeatedly told me that if she were twenty years younger, she’d take Barry away from me. I wouldn’t put it past her to at least try. Ms. Mater always said she loved me due to my “smart-…” attitude. I’d just say “back at you”and keep going.

When I need to cheer myself or need a little giggle, I think of Ms. Mater. It always makes me smile. I can see her sitting in my office chair, telling everything I need to get done “around here”. Cheers me right up! I’ll usually give her a call later that evening. I miss having her around!

Tomorrow

The doctor has decided that my left knee needs replacing. At the moment my left leg is swollen from the ankle up to my hip. I look like I have a cankle. Since my brain tumor surgery, I haven’t been light on my feet.

The falls I have taken, since brain surgery really screwed up my balance, ha done a job on my left knee. I’ve been incredibly lucky and only ended up in the emergency room one time. I had forgotten how bad getting stitches hurts! But all the falling has taken care of any useful cartilage in my knee.

With the breast cancer, I’m still waiting to hear which treatments I will be getting. So, I am sure knee surgery is going to have to wait until after my treatments. I’m making a list of questions, for both doctors, I need to add that to both list.

This is crazy, I’m putting my health issues in a que to be handled in order of importance. Cowden Syndrome strikes again!

Wednesday afternoon, I am having a cyst removed from my right wrist. I’ve had wear a cast a few times when the cyst was enlarged. Apparently to get it to stop, it needs removing. My right hand is my only good hand. I need to keep it in shape as long as possible. I’m not looking forward to a cast or brace again, but I’m a tough cookie. I can handle it! Wish me luck!

Personal Prayer Request

I believe in the power of prayer. I have seen too many things in my lifetime that proves there is. On this date, I am asking that everyone pray for my father, Lee Van Hayes. He received some extremely bad news from his doctor today. I think we were all expecting it, even dad, but hearing those words are not easy. WordPress Blogs are full of love and kindness, with a few freaky things added in. I’d love it if I could take my computer to Pop and show him all the well wishes received from my fellow bloggers.

WordPress reaches tons of people. It would be such a wondrous thing to get at least half the people, in our blogosphere, saying a little prayer for one special man. I know he is not special to everyone, but he is to my family and his friends. My dad doesn’t meet strangers, he likes everyone. He is just the biggest sweetheart on earth! My family, as well as Barry and I would greatly appreciate any small wish of good health or just a hope you are feeling better soon.

We are to the point that prayer is the answer. Dad is in God‘s hands and he will take care of him. Thank you in advance for anything you say!

If my comments section is not working yet, please use the email available for my blog: geegeebear3@gmail.com.

Have a bless day!

Barry and Jill

and the family of LeeVan Hayes

English: The logo of the blogging software Wor...

English: The logo of the blogging software WordPress. Deutsch: WordPress Logo 中文: WordPress Logo (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

For the Week of June 16, 2013: A Father’s Legacy: Lee Van Hayes, my father and Barry L. Baynes, my hubby

My daddy

My daddy


This is reblogged from earlier this last month. The part about Barry, my husband is new. The Two Important Fathers in my Life! All fathers are important, these are just the two big guys in my life.

I speak a lot about my mother and the rest of my family, while Pop sits quietly in the background. He has always been quiet, but he is always there. Ready when you need him. He gives great hugs!

My mom and Pop divorced over 20 years ago. Daddy was head over heels in love with mom, but she just could not be happy. I’m not sure mom knows how to be happy.

Pop is a sweet, sensitive man that likes to stay busy. His body is breaking down and he still wants to go. My sisters and I just want uim to take a little better care of himself in the process.

Growing up, Pop would be gone when we got up in the mornings and did not get home until we were in bed asleep. He made sure we spent time together on the weekends. We picniced and went fishing a lot. I still love it today.

He and mom planted a garden yearly. Our punishment during the summer month was weeding the garden.
Each one of us does some form of gardening today.

With Pop working so much, I wasn’t sure how he felt about us or if he knew we were alive. It was my childish mind not understanding, he was out working his hiney off, so that we could live the life we were living. We vacationed 2 weeks at the beach every summer, when I wanted knew clothes all I did was ask.
I can remember the first time my daddy told me he thought I was pretty. I was ready to go to a dance, all dressed up in my 80’s garb. Homecoming dance, I think. Pop came in from work early. He walked over and kissed me on the cheek. Then said, “I think I just realized how pretty you are. Have great time tonight, honey.” I had to redo my makeup. But it is a moment with my daddy, I’ll always remember.
HAPPY FATHER’ S DAY, POP! You are the best!

image

Now to my sweet husband. He is a father. He has a son from his first marriage. When Barry and I met, Frank was in High School. When we married, Frank was not happy and has not made life easy for himself or us, including his own mother.

It didn’t matter what I attempted to do, Frank decided long ago he did not want me as part of his life and did everything possible to get rid of me. It has been his choice to not be part of our lives. I feel horrible, if it is my fault. But it has been his choices and actions that has gotten us to where we are today. I truly wish something could be done. Barry and I pray for him nightly! Hopefully as he grows up a little more, things will change. Both Barry and he deserve better!

Barry is warm, caring, giving, highly-intelligent and loving man. Frank’s mom suffered from health issues after his birth, so Barry was in charge of 90% of the raising. Most of us are either a lot like our mother or father. Frank looks just like his father, but has his mother’s personality. That is as far as I go on this topic.

I do not know what words to say, to make this day easier.

HAPPY FATHER’S DAY, HONEY! You are the best!

Love you guys, Jill Baynes, your daughter, Jill and Barry, your wife, Jill (in case you forgot my name)

Daily Prompt: In Good Faith: A brother’s wish

Describe a memory or encounter in which you considered your faith, religion, spirituality — or lack of — for the first time.

Photographers, artists, poets: show us FAITH.

During a shift at my first job, I admitted a man to my unit that was in bad shape.  I discovered his admission was at the request of his Hospice,  for pain management. Being a new graduate nurse, you get crazy assignments and tough cases as learning experiences.

I completed the proper paperwork, gave the patient medications his doctor ordered, did what I could to help the family and make them comfortable. I gave the report to my charge nurse and then; started rounds on my other assigned patients.

The supervisor met me in the hallway to tell me of a status change for my new patient. When I returned to his room, I met a representative from his Hospice and he introduced me to the family gathered to say good-bye. My new patient’s diagnosis was End Stage Pancreatic Cancer and his last wishes were to be admitted to Room 434 at the Regional Hospital, where his wife passed away. She died, in 1984, in the same room where he laid dying now.

The Hospice nurse explained his wishes a little better. When his time was close, he requested to be admitted to the hospital for pain management. For about two hours, I played private-duty nurse to his family for whatever need may arise. I tenderly cared for their family member and provided pain management, as ordered, to keep him as comfortable as my capable hands could.

It did not take long for the signs that God was calling him home to show up. His respiration’s were becoming shallow and his heart rate slowing. When the end was upon us, our patient’s brother stepped forward and stated. ” I’d give anything, to see him sit up in bed and take one more breath.”

As in slow motion, my patient slowly, sat up in bed and drew in a long exacerbated breath, fell back on his pillow and was gone. Everyone just looked around the room in amazement. The Good Lord swept in and took him off to be with his wife.

As I watched the family leaving and listened to their stories of this man’s life, I imagined he and his wife walking, hand-in hand, down a beautiful street in heaven.

My faith has always been strong. When it falters just a little, I think back to the 39 years of patients I have cared for and the many unexplained things I have seen. I have no doubt in my mind, there is a God and he is with us always! This story is about my first spiritual encounter. I will never forget the feeling in that room. I left the room full of faith and longing. I get goosebumps, just thinking of that night.