Author Archives: gegebearbear

Closing The Place Down

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I have always heard this phrase used when you are the last person the leave a restaurant or bar, until today. It now fits another experience I survived.

As an American, I am ashamed of certain businesses locally and in the Metro Atlanta Area. The American Disability Act ( or whatever ADA stands for ) provides for bathroom facilities to allow a person with a disability freedom to keep their freedom, independence and individuality.

As a person with a disability, I have encountered numerous mechnical issues, people using the facilities that do not need them (while a handicapped person waits); waiting is not the issue, just to clear that issue up. Other facilities have been down-right nasty, while several have been dangerous. My big pet peeve is a door that doesn’t lock. I like privacy on a public toilet, if I have to use one. I will never understand a oerson’s urge to wipe nastiness on a wall or not cleaning up a spot on the floor if you miss.

Today was the day of all days! I was in a handicap toilet, I reached for the bar to get up. As I pulled on the rail, it came off the wall causing me to fall to the nasty floor (in a doctor’s office of all places). Next came the wall seperating my stall from the one next to it; leading to the domino effect with me stuck between the wall and the toilet. Would we like to discuss loose screws?

As the title states, I closed the place down.

I’m going on a blogation

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For those faithful followers, please don’t give up on me. My life needs my full attention for the time being. Barry is recovering well,  physically and mentally,  but his recovery is my number one priority at the moment. I will do my best to keep at least one post a week going. Have a great fall. Hope to be writing faithfully again soon!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! God bless you all! Please email me anytime at

tworightsattemptingtomakealeft@gmail.com.

I love email.

Thanks! Jill B.

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Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

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What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TURNING POINT.

If I had to choose my biggest regret would be my first marriage. When we met, I was head-over-hills in love and could not see a future as anything other than his wife.

I gave up going away to college to stay close to home and be near the man that had swept me off my feet. I even ignored my family to put him ahead of everything else. I left my younger sister and father out in the cold to focus on being a girlfriend and eventually his wife. I should have been around for the two of them, when mom packed up and took off.I missed that time with both of them. Time I can never get back

On the other hand, I was there for my older sister to help when she had the babies. I started a career I love. I am the woman I am toiday, because of the experiences I went through with my ex-husband. I love doing what I do today, because of him. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have been in the area to meet Barry after the divorce. In a sense, my ex lead me to my soul-mate.

I don’t think it is supposed to work that way. Regrets can be good things. They can lead you to a future you were not expecting or they can fill you with longing to change things that are no longer possibke to change.

In my book, don’t look back. Always keep your eyes forward and enjoy your life, You cannot change the past, why regret it?

I want to write, but I am at a loss of words!

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God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle, the things He gives you make you stronger. I can handle a lot, but just not sure how much more I can take.

When does your cracking point kick in? Do we have a cracking point or are we made to take and take and take…more more…How do you judge when enough is enough?

Is it that when God sees you  overwhelmed, he releases the more more and gives you a break?  I am not going to lie, I could use a huge break, but I am not sure my sweet husband can handle a break. At least over the next few weeks. We have to get the house ready for him to come home.

For the next six weeks, he will be on IV antibiotics and then oral antibiotics the rest of his life. A physical therapist will work on his strength at home, but I am still terrified. His lungs are filling up with fluid again, even sleeping with a bi-pap machine on. He is off oxygen all together, but I’m scared.I want to be able to care for him properly at home.

I was the one that couldn’t tell he was sick. He started showing signs of not feeling well, but refused to admit something was wrong and would not go to the doctor. I feel guilty that I didn’t push, now his cardiologist can’t give me a good answer about how much time he has. I can tell he is stressing over it, but he won’t talk to me. I have him scheduled with his psychiatrist at the first of the month. Surely home will be our new location by then.

I ask that everyone help me pray for grace, strength and mercy. Maybe with enough Faith added to the list, Barry and I will survive. Forgive my ramblings today, I am still am emotional disaster.

That dreadful place called the hospital, It was so hard to leave him there

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Sitting here, in no way can this place  be called fun. I am beginning to understand why people do not like hospitals. Yes, they are places where the sick or injured come to be healed. Hospitals are meant to be full of joy at the birth of a child,  or extremely sad watching a loved one in pain.

Painful things happen in hospitals. A lot of people do not how what or how their bodies work making things painful and scary. Some people experience trauma or have bad memories or cannot handle the emotions that hospitals bring out in you. Others just do not like pain.

The one I am sitting with loves being at home, in his recliner, his wife in her chair next to him and the dog sitting at his feet. Water glass next to him on the table, watching a crazy comedy on the television. He has his cute little quirky sense of humor. I never know what to expect out of his mouth. He even talks for the dog! It is so funny! She just turns her head side to side looking at him like he is nuts.

 

They want me to place him in a long-term care hospital. I do not feel that is where he needs to be, but I’m not a doctor. In my opinion, that will only make him worse. He needs some rehab. I can see a rehab center.

In the two days I have been with him, he has perked up.  Getting in and out of bed on his own (even when the staff did not want him too) He’s getting adventurous, I just hope he does not hurt himself. I love him so much it hurts. The thought of being without Barry, well, it kills me. We aren’t at the age that this kind of thing is expected. I just feel so very lost.

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Absolute Worst Two Weeks Of My Life

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The past five years were the beginning of our on-going nightmare. It has been one serious medical issue after another.

Two weeks ago, Barry was hooking the computer to the television for us to stream the evening service. Barry suddenly starts to fall straight backwards. I called out to him several times, without response. Barry takes a blood thinner, so he truly did not need a lump on his head.

When his head hit the wooden ledge on the front door, he started convulsing. He ended up on his right side, I checked him for injuries, covered him up with a blanket and got a pillow. After around three minutes, he started coming around. He was quite confused and wanting to know what happened. By this time, I had gotten mom and 911 had been called. They were incredibly slow. Apparently, the county EMS was hopping all night.

Once in the Emergency Room, they got things going. There was something going on with his heart. He had a strange arrhythmia that the hospital felt needed more attention, so he was admitted.

The next night, there was another episode opting a move to the ICU for better observation. I found out about the transfer when Barry called the next morning to say he was being trasferred to Saint Joseph’s Hospital within the next hour.

I got ready and headed to Atlanta, as quickly as I could. My sweetheart does not like hospitals and I knew he would not want to be alone. I stayed with Barry for two nights.

Then I had a chemo treatment and on Saturday, the injection to boost my white blood cells. The day of my chemo treatment, they discovered a blood clot under my right arm. I started the injections they ordered before chemo. The next day my right arm was acting up, so I requested to see the infusion center fellow doctor. Since starting the injections, shortness of breath occurred everytime I preformed a task or stood up to walk. I was concerned the clot had moved to my lung.

I was sent straight to the Emergency Room for evaluation. We chose to go to the hospital Barry was in. He was already downstairs having a pacemaker put in. Due to my injection, I was unable to see Barry before the procedure.

Our wonderful pastor made it just in time. Barry was thrilled to see him coming. While I was being evaluated, my sister went to check on Barry and let him know what was going on. He was worried. I tried to convince him I was fine, but do men ever really hear what their wives say?

I was released with a diagnosis of pneumonia. More drugs to take. Gotta love it! Kristie and I almost ran to his room. Kristie needed to get on the road soon. Not only does she have a husband and two boys, she had taken the role of chief caregiver to our father. Barry wanted me to stay, but I was running a fever. He had more test scheduled for the next day, he’d never know I was there or not.

We headed home and packed a bag. I was ready for the next day. My nephew was picking me up to drop me at the hospital for a few days. I wore a mask when I had the fever, and removed it when I did not. We met Barry’s surgeon that morning. They were scheduling his surgery for morning. During the night, I recieved a call that my father had passed away. After surgery, I would not be able to see him. He would be moved to CVICU and I would not be able to see him freely. His doctor told me to go home and come back when he is stable.

Barry had an abcess in his heart and the wall of his heart was erroding. They had to re-build a section of the heart to be able to get a valve in and they were unable to use the mechanical valve. A pig valve was placed. He has been in ICU for over 6 days and today, they finally got him off the venilator. He was up in a chair last time I spoke to the nurse. Such a huge improvement since last week. I was terrified of loosing him. I lost my father.

My blog post my be scattered, but I will get back to normal soon. Missed you all!

Jill

Word of the Weekend| Effusive

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effusive\ih-FYOO-siv\
 
adjective
 
1 :
marked by the expression of great or excessive emotion or enthusiasm 
2 :
archaic : pouring freely 
3 :
characterized or formed by a nonexplosive outpouring of lava
 
Lila’s history teacher wrote an effusive letter of recommendation.
 
“It’s never easy for opponents from the opposite party to find specific praise at library unveilings, but Carter was effusive. ‘Mr. President, let me say that I’m filled with admiration for you and deep gratitude for you about the great contributions you’ve made to the most needy people on Earth,’ said the 39th president.” — From an article by John Dickerson on Slate.com, July 2, 2013.

We’ve used “effusive” in English to describe excessive outpourings since the 17th century. In the 1800s, geologists adopted the specific sense related to flowing lava—or to hardened rock formed from flowing lava. “Effusive” can be traced to the Latin verb “effundere” (“to pour out”), which itself comes from “fundere” (“to pour”) plus a modification of the prefix “ex-” (“out”). Our verb “effuse” has the same Latin ancestors. A person effuses when he or she speaks effusively. Liquids can effuse as well (as in “water effusing from a pipe”).