Category Archives: adaptation/adjustment

When it is our turn to be the parent

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As many of you know, my mother lives with Barry and I. The task has gotten easier, but it makes it tough on the relationship between the three of us. Mom doesn’t want to take ownership of her illness and when Barry and I do things to assist her level of function; she accuses us of treating her like a child.

With her memory becoming an issue, she has become difficult to handle in public on certain days. I have to judge her mood before we go out of the house. We had an issue at Wal-Mart, when Barry and I were not getting to her shopping list fast enough. It was quite interesting to have your mother screaming in a public place, becsuse she did not want to forget the cat food.

At church, several Sundays ago, in the middle of Worship Service mom had a question pop in her head for the Pastor. Durng the middle of the sermon, she got up and headed for the pulpit. The Pastor motioned for someone to take her aside to see if they could help. I froze, when I saw what she was doing. I was unsure of what to do or if I should do anything. The Pastor saved the day.

At home, things are working better becauee we have a set routine. Mom is learning to use the whiteboard and makes a list daily of things she would like to accomplish. When we have downtime, I suggest a task for the day that will keep her busy. Mom is helping us do the cooking, she loves to cook and really loves making us eat right. Barry is enjoying having her around finally. If we can speed up her getting ready to go time, life will get even better. Her vurrent get ready speed is around three hours.

On a different note, my father was admitted to the hospital again yesterday. His health is failing fast. It breaks my heart to see him so weak. He has such a strong will and is losing it quickly. Please send a few prayers his way. We can use all we can get!

Mom
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Pop
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Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 7, 2013: The Heroes in Our Lives

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Heros come in many shapes and sizes.  They can be man or in some cases animal. They can be simple or complex, like your favorite movie star or super hero. Many definitions for such a tiny little word.

A hero can be someone you admire, someone that has actually saved your life or helped you through a rough patch in your life. Anywhere you look in this world, you could see a hero.

I would say I have several heroes in my life. Maggie, our treasured family pet, on several occassions has saved me from burning the house down.

After brain surgery, I experienced a little problem with attention. I’d put something on to cook and forget about it. Maggie quickly reminded me when something was not right in the kitchen.

There was another time Maggie came to the rescue. My mother had fallen in her bedroom, she was calling out for help, but I could not hear her. Maggie quickly let me know something was wrong and I was able to help mom quickly. Thank goodness she was ok.

Another person I consider my hero is my husband. Emotionally, my husband is my hero. He has been by my side, the past few years; helping with whatever I need without a single grumble or complaint, he is the sweetest man on earth, compassionate, loving, caring, he keeps me laughing and is always supportive. I do not know what I’d do without him.

My dad is next on my list of heros. He is sweet, loving, and has such a huge heart. Growing up, dad left home, to work, before we got up and did not get home until we were in bed again. We only saw uim on the weekends. He had a second job he worked on the weekends. It was nice, because we could go spend time with him. Thank you, Pop for working so hard and giving us the life we had. I love you more than you know.

Mom was not a happy camper when he went to the bowling alley, but he worked so much, one night a week to do something he enjoyed did not feel like a bad idea to me. Mom and dad divorced when Kristie was a teenager. Pop retired soon after that. As pop got older, he joined the flea market crowds and opened a booth to sale the items he was collecting. He is currently not doing well and is fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his independence. I pray that he knows the Good Lord as his Savior and is ready for his place in heaven. He says he is. The Good Lord will show him the way when the time comes.

The only “military” heros I am aware of, in the family, are my Uncle Gerald and my Uncle Ken. Both are from my dad’s side of the family. Uncle Gerald was killed somewhere in the Phillipines before I was born. Uncle Ken was the uncle I never really got to know growing up. His official demeanor scared me a little as a child, and then we never really had an opportunity to get to know each other. It is my own fault, I wish I had taken the time to know him. I can’t do this any longer, he passed away a few years ago. I have the honor of knowing my Uncle Ken is buried in Arlington Cemetary in Washington, D.C..

My hero list is short, but it is a tough list to beat. The people on my list would probably laugh at me for calling them heros, but in my book, they are topnotch!

Like my new “hair-style”?

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It started falling out yesterday,  so we went ahead and cut it all off. I cried like a baby and have beekkn crying at the drop of a hat, ever since. It is like it opened a dam. Maybe losing my hair was my last stage of grief.

One of those days!

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Ever have a day you’d like to hide from? Crawl back in bed to sleep the day away? Or just crawl under the bed to hide from the world? Well, my day started off with a thump. That thump was me hitting the floor, face first, when I tried to turn over in the living room chair I had fallen asleep in and BAM! Flat on my face in the floor.

That was 5am. Three hours later, with Barry’s assistance, I almost tumbled backwards getting out of the tub. Barry managed to get the situation under control before we both took a second bath.

After getting ready, I had an appointment this morning, along with Barry and Mom. Luckily, mom and I were headed in the same direction. Barry had to head to Northside. Barry attended the first appointment with me.

On the way back to the truck, I went down hard on my right side, after tripping on the handicap ramp that needs attention. I skinned my right elbow, took the skin off the little toe on my left foot and bruised my ribs on the right back, from landing hard on the curb.

I think when mom is finished at the eye doctor, I’m going home and back to bed. Someone is trying to tell me to rest today. Hope everyone is having a better day than I am. If someone sees that truck that ran over me this morning, get the tag number please!

Writing through cancer: For the Week of June 30, 2013: Rediscovering Summer’s Joys

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Through our health crisis’ s, Barry and I did not think  a lot about what we were losing, we focused on changing our behaviors,  unknowingly bringing a few Summer’s Joys back into our lives.

Gone are the days of lying on the couch, doing nothing to benefit ourselves. We have a plan for each day of the week. When our schedule is not saturated with appointments, we find an activity and get involved. We have found a local farmer’s market that carries items from around the world. We are enjoying experimenting with our new discoveries. There are several fruits from around the world, that might loook a little strange, but are quite tasty.

We walk, we work out, we have found a therapy pool to try out this summer, we garden, we feed the birds in the yard and plant things especially for the wildlife around. We hope to catch a few photos of them nibbling on the goodies we have provided.

We have a few special projects planned for the yard,  but will have to wait on chemo, radiation and the good southern sun to cool off before we can get started. The Georgia heat and humidity has to die down to be productive outside. It will drain you in a flat second if you aren’t careful. I think getting the cast off will help a lot.

Dad has been really sick this summer. The doctor has actually not given him long to live. He is being discharged home on Hospice care. Been busy trying to help as much as possible.  Poor Kristie is worn out. I wish we could help more. We are being as supportive as possible.

We have planted a few Japanese Maple Trees, that are looking incredible. I love watching what we plant grow. I can’t wait to work on our butterfly garden. I love watching the flutterflies and hummingbirds go wild on the blossoms.

With chemo and radiation, our summer joy’s will be early fall joys this year, but hey….we have something to look forward to.

Writing through cancer: For the Week of June 23, 2013: How Do You Want to Be Remembered?

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Of late, I’m going to be known as the aunt that was turned into a witch after brain surgery. I want to see what I can do to change that. Everyone has so much to do that no one has time to remember what family is and how to treat each other. Everyone also needs to remember that they are not the only ones with full lives. We all have busy, full lives.

My family needs to realize that I will never be the person I used to be before and I cannot be forced backward into that person. My body is not the same and avoiding me is not the way to handle things. Barry is not the same either. We are both different and having mom in the house does not mean AVOID AVOID AVOID. WE ARE PART OF THE FAMILY and always will be. We may just be aunts and uncles, it doesn’t mean put us out of the family.

We would love to be known as a loving couple that welcomed their family with open arms whenever needed. The smart uncle and creative aunt that would fo anything for anyone. Not be isolated and un-notified of family gatherings.

Brain injuries, strokes and dementia cause changes to the brain, as well as the brain chemistry. All the above can cause changes in behavior. They can be managed by medications, but will always be there. This does not mean a person is CRAZY!

Barry and I don’t want to be remembered as the crazy Aunt and Uncle that took care of Me-maw in her later days. We’d like to be known as the full of life couple that participates in everything with the family and greatly enjoyed every minute. We want to be known as abfamily-oriented couple.

We only need to know when something is happening. Telephones work two ways these days. I plan to do better with communication. I’m just hoping pther people reading this do the same. It only takes a second to make a phone call.

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cowden_syndrome

Lunch at Applebees: A New Barry Moment

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Barry and I had lunch at the local Applebees. I guess we eat there too often, they know us by name and remember our usuals.

We tried out there new summer menu, but we stayed on the lighter side. Gave me a few ideas to try at home. We’ll see.

The waitress brought our check out. Barry gave her what was needed to handle the bill. As he gave it to her for processing, he said, “If that card doesn’t work, I have a doctor’s excuse that allows me to wash dishes.”

When she returned after processing the payment, she stated, “You can do dishes if you want, but the card went through.”

I quickly told her, “I do not know him, he offered me lunch and I said sure.”

She said, “Hey, you got a free lunch” and sped off back to work.

Barry can be such a clown. I love him for trying to lighten my mood. We have a huge day ahead of us and he knows I stressing a little. He is just a sweetheart.

Ms.Mater, the first resident I assessed for admission to a Personal Care Home

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As I walked down the hallway, toward Ms. Mater’s room, the air was filled with laughter. I knocked on the door four times before someone heard me. I was instructed to “come in”. I looked around the room as I walked in. The room was full of resident’s of the home, as well as employees. Ms. Mater was the center of attention. I was about to discover that she loved every minute.

Ms. Mater had suffered a debilatating stroke and upon discharge from rehabilitation, she was scheduled to move into our building. All of this was a preliminary arrangement, based on the results of the assessment I was about to go through with her. Procedure, procedure, procedure…….

I introduced myself and asked a staffmember to assist with the other resident’s; I needed Ms. Mater to myself to complete the assessment.

Once alone with my new friend, she started cracking jokes. This sweet, little, gray-haired lady was hilarious! She had me about to wet myself within seconds. Within minutes we were fast friends. A friendship that continues today. Even though she can’t hear me, we speak several times monthly and we visit when in the area.  Neither of us gets out like we used to, but we enjoy life.

Ms. Mater elegantly answered my questions and performed the tasks I asked of her, without complaint and to the best of her current abilities. She made no excuses for her defeciencies, she joked them off. As we worked, she told me stories of her childhood. She claimed to have grown up being called “The Ugly Duckling”

I just could not see it, she had such a timeless beauty. She said she grew up on her farm, the oldest of three girls. She was born with a headful of flaming red curls and as each of her sisters were born, they had Strawberry blonde curls. She said she was furious, until they grew up and she was prettier than both of them. From what I heard, she did not mind sharing that fact at all.

The only clue she was ever a red-head, was the red tint in her silver hair. It almost appeared to be blonde or light brown. She never left her room without being immaculately dressed, with makeup and lipstick perfect.

She had a set weekly appointment with beautician. I was sworn to secrecy over how she keeps her hair in place at night. It is actually a little funny. She doesn’t know it, but I have a photo of her sleeping in her get-up.

Ms. Mater was crazy about my now husband. She repeatedly told me that if she were twenty years younger, she’d take Barry away from me. I wouldn’t put it past her to at least try. Ms. Mater always said she loved me due to my “smart-…” attitude. I’d just say “back at you”and keep going.

When I need to cheer myself or need a little giggle, I think of Ms. Mater. It always makes me smile. I can see her sitting in my office chair, telling everything I need to get done “around here”. Cheers me right up! I’ll usually give her a call later that evening. I miss having her around!