Category Archives: one of those days

Our August

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  • My dad was on Hospice Care and not doing well. He had a nasty cold and with me on chemotherapy, I could not go see him. My immune system was too low.
  • The Eighth of August was the start of my nightmare month. While attempting to hook the computer to the television, Barry past out cold, hit his head on the front door and appeared to have a seizure.  I could not get 911 fast enough. He was admitted from the ER with an arrhythmia.
  • Two mornings later, I received a call from Barry letting me know they had moved him to ICU during the night and were now planning to transfer him to another hospital.  No hospital employee ever contacted me.
  • Once at the other hospital, he was admitted to their Cardiac Care Unit for close observation.
  • Within  2 days. he was having a pacemaker put in.
  • At my chemo treatment, it was discovered that I had a blood clot in axillary vein under my right arm. When I went in for my injection after chemo, the doctor felt I needed to go to the ER for evaluation. I was short of breath and had chest pain. At least I got to go to the ER at the hospital Barry was in. I was closer to him, although I couldn’t see him before or immediately after the pacemaker surgery. Our Pastor was the perfect substitute. He is such a gracious man.
  •  As it turned out, I had pneumonia, thank goodness the blood clot had not moved to my lungs.They wanted to admit me, but I wanted to be with Barry.
  • A fever, 103, kept me home for a few days
  • He was in bad shape and needed immediate heart surgery
  • I could not get there fast enough. I spent the night before with him.
  • I found out my dad passed away three hours before Barry’s surgery.
  • Our Pastor and an Associate stayed with me during his surgery.  They brought coffee and donuts.
  • I was driven home, after we saw Barry was stable, by my pastor that night. My fever had popped it’s ugly head up again.
  • Our Pastor and an Associate stayed with me during his surgery.  They brought coffee and donuts. It stayed with me for the next week.
  • Someone from the church, Jason W.  and our nephew, Derrek checked on Barry for me while I was out of commission. I was actually chewing on the front door wanting to get to the hospital.
  • Once my fever got out the door, I spent the next 4 days at the hospital and ended up being able to take my sweetheart home with me. 20 days after being admitted. I found out the surgery they did was a mercy surgery. Barry was close to death and almost died during the surgery.
  • I spent the weekend attending the funeral for my dad.
  • On the way home from the hospital, We stopped for gas. We have a diesel Jeep. The station we stopped at was making renovations and still had a diesel sticker on a now unleaded pump. Needless to say, I filled the Jeep with unleaded gas. We were stranded for 4 hours until a wrecker arrived. We arrived home at 11pm.

Is that enough to deal with or do you want more? This isn’t all. My poor pup was home taking care of mom and the house.

We would like to thank everyone that helped make it through this bad, bad month! We love you all!

Through the Grace of our Heavenly Father, we are both alive and kicking. Maybe a little grayer and a I know a lot tired. We are here! Thank you, Dear Lord!

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Good People still Exist

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I recently witnessed a beautiful selfless act. I was talking to a future grandmother, with an unwed daughter not yet out of school.

A gentleman walked up and asked ” May I intrude for a moment?” 

We said “of course”.

He leaned over and whispered something into my friends ear, then hugged her neck before placing something in her hand.

Once he was gone, my friend handed me an envelope and told me to “look inside”.  I was holding an envelope with a large sum of money inside.

He had stated to her to “use this to help your babies”.

There are still “good people” out there.

I’m going on a blogation

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For those faithful followers, please don’t give up on me. My life needs my full attention for the time being. Barry is recovering well,  physically and mentally,  but his recovery is my number one priority at the moment. I will do my best to keep at least one post a week going. Have a great fall. Hope to be writing faithfully again soon!

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers! God bless you all! Please email me anytime at

tworightsattemptingtomakealeft@gmail.com.

I love email.

Thanks! Jill B.

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Daily Prompt: Regrets, I’ve Had a Few

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What’s your biggest regret? How would your life have been different if you’d made another decision?

Photographers, artists, poets: show us TURNING POINT.

If I had to choose my biggest regret would be my first marriage. When we met, I was head-over-hills in love and could not see a future as anything other than his wife.

I gave up going away to college to stay close to home and be near the man that had swept me off my feet. I even ignored my family to put him ahead of everything else. I left my younger sister and father out in the cold to focus on being a girlfriend and eventually his wife. I should have been around for the two of them, when mom packed up and took off.I missed that time with both of them. Time I can never get back

On the other hand, I was there for my older sister to help when she had the babies. I started a career I love. I am the woman I am toiday, because of the experiences I went through with my ex-husband. I love doing what I do today, because of him. Most importantly, I wouldn’t have been in the area to meet Barry after the divorce. In a sense, my ex lead me to my soul-mate.

I don’t think it is supposed to work that way. Regrets can be good things. They can lead you to a future you were not expecting or they can fill you with longing to change things that are no longer possibke to change.

In my book, don’t look back. Always keep your eyes forward and enjoy your life, You cannot change the past, why regret it?

I want to write, but I am at a loss of words!

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God doesn’t give you things you can’t handle, the things He gives you make you stronger. I can handle a lot, but just not sure how much more I can take.

When does your cracking point kick in? Do we have a cracking point or are we made to take and take and take…more more…How do you judge when enough is enough?

Is it that when God sees you  overwhelmed, he releases the more more and gives you a break?  I am not going to lie, I could use a huge break, but I am not sure my sweet husband can handle a break. At least over the next few weeks. We have to get the house ready for him to come home.

For the next six weeks, he will be on IV antibiotics and then oral antibiotics the rest of his life. A physical therapist will work on his strength at home, but I am still terrified. His lungs are filling up with fluid again, even sleeping with a bi-pap machine on. He is off oxygen all together, but I’m scared.I want to be able to care for him properly at home.

I was the one that couldn’t tell he was sick. He started showing signs of not feeling well, but refused to admit something was wrong and would not go to the doctor. I feel guilty that I didn’t push, now his cardiologist can’t give me a good answer about how much time he has. I can tell he is stressing over it, but he won’t talk to me. I have him scheduled with his psychiatrist at the first of the month. Surely home will be our new location by then.

I ask that everyone help me pray for grace, strength and mercy. Maybe with enough Faith added to the list, Barry and I will survive. Forgive my ramblings today, I am still am emotional disaster.

A Night I Wish Would Just Go Away| Another

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After Barry’s stroke in 2011, I was praying that similiar episodes would be at least ten to fifteen plus years down the road. But as we all know, it is not our choice.
God’s plan guides the flow of our lives. We have knowledge of the plan’s existence,  but we have no choice in the details or are we given choices of how our plan plays out. God knows. Only he has knowledge of our life plans.

Since 2010, Barry had an aortic valve replacement; a large territory, massive MCA; and now last night, a seizure has been added to the list. The etiology is currently unknown. Other than having every test in the book today, they can’t seem to figure it out. He has swelling on the side of the old stroke, but no other results.

Last night he was connecting the computer to the television, so that we could watch the live stream of our Wednesday night church service. We chose not to go last night because I had run a fever most of the day. He was standing at the computer, near the television when I realized he was falling backwards. I called out to him several times without a response.

I started calling for my mom to help. She called 911 to get an ambulance. He hit the front door, with the back of his head, and started shaking from head to toe.  He was kicking his legs and flinging his arms. About five minutes into the seizure, he came out of it and started to talk. He didn’t know what had happened and wanted to know why he was in the floor.

When I wa able to check him out, he has a lump on the back, left side of his head about the size of a grapefruit. It is still swollen today, but getting tender. He is having a little pain in his left shin. They said they were going to do an ultrasound to make sure he isn’t forming a clot. He started getting back to normal, but I made him lie still until the ambulance arrived.

They checked him out, loaded him up and headed to the hospital. We’ve been here since nine o’clock last night. He rested well, I just want info on the problem! Wish us luck! An Associate Pastor came out from church. We had a nice visit. He has had a few calls from other church members.The Good Lord is with us, but please keep us in your prayers! Thanks to all of you for your continued support and kindness!

Jill B.

Writing Through Cancer | For the Week of August 4, 2013: Can It Get Any Worse?

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Can it get any worse?  Maybe so, but then again, maybe not.  Hope keeps us moving ahead, one step at a time.  Think of a times you were dealt bad news, your own or someone else’s?   How did you first react?  How did you get through a difficult period in your life?   What helped?  How did you find the strength—even hope—to cope and begin to heal?  How did you find a way to reverse the course and bit by bit,  make your life better?

When life decided I needed to make lemonade, someone had a truck load of lemons delivered and dumped them by garage door. I guess for easy access from the kitchen. God knows I have trouble walking, I guess he was just trying to help out.

Hope keeps you going, but the Lord above is raining that hope down on our situation. We need a good saturation of hope. Through our bible studies and attending church regularly, I think we are finally relaxing as issues occur and giving things to God.

Dealing with my diagnosis has becomes easier daily. I’m adapting the attitude. when

I am working on handing all my issues over to the Good Lord above. Currently Barry and I need all the help we can get. It seems like everyday day gets a little tougher.

If you follow our blog, you know our history, but what you do not know is that my mother lives with us. She has her separate living space, but has no boundaries. Mom is newly diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder and the beginning stages of Lewy Body Dementia. If interested. to find out more about Lewy Body Dementia, follow the following link, http://www.lbda.org/

It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. Leaving mom at a hospital to treat mental health issues. That’s my mommy! I’m supposed to take care of her. I cried the entire day we took her over to the hospital.

On top of managing chemotherapy for breast cancer, managing my mom’s care, making sure Barry is OK and assisting my sister when I can with my dad; Barry and I do what we can to help out at church. We are slowly working into volunteering more often, as my energy level rises. We are truly enjoying it.

My dad has been given an undetermined amount of time to live. He is suffering from  heart, kidney and liver failure. He has moved into my younger sister’s extra room and monitored by hospice. If anyone needs help with anything, please let me know. Barry and I will see what we can do.

When we first found out about dad, it was the day I found out I have breast cancer. I didn’t know what to do or how to feel. Dealing with the two is a t of emotion to handle at once.

Talking with my sister’s and my blog has helped me pull through this mess. We are taking one day at a time, one problem at a time. We are all hoping daddy will surprise us all, and turn things around. Hope keeps us going, but knowing his salvation will  bring peace to each of us.

On chemotherapy, I have not been able to aid my sisters as much as I would like to with dad.  The brunt of his care has fallen on Sandy and Kristie. They both know I would be right there with them if I could, dad knows to. My daddy knows I love him. Barry lost his father at a young age. He is my rock, my strength as usual.

I’ll finish this up tomorrow. I’m pooped. Sweet dreams. Mom has gained a little weight. We need to take her dress shopping tomorrow. Could be interesting.

The daily prompts I write from each week come from the following blog by Sharon Bray:

http://writingthroughcancer.com/

Follow the link to her blog. She is incredible! Thank you, Sharon…..Jill Baynes

 

I’m feeling better, so Awards Night is here…..Drum roll please…….

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Well, it has been a while since these awards were bestowed upon me, but I have been a little busy! Life is slowing down, so I’d like to pass these awards along to those that deserve them! Please forgive me for taking such a long time!

Many thanks to Tanumoy Biswas! Your kindness, wit, friendship and support has meant a lot to me. I enjoy finding comments from your on my blog. Thank you for the nominating my blog for so many awards. It was very kind of you. If you would like to check out Tanumoy blog, follow the link below. You will not be disappointed.

http://thenomadicsoliloquist.wordpress.com/about/

So, each of these awards has a certain life value attached to them, something we must imbibe and invoke within us. And these gifts are a constant reminder that we must remain Versatile in our thoughts, light up the dark corners of our mind with Sunshine, Never forget to respect our Inner Peace, bring changes in other’s lives by being positively Influential, and make this pale blue planet of ours an Awesome place to live in. Cheers!

The ABC Award requires me to write a word or a phrase about myself for each of the English alphabets, so here it is:

A: Apple- I love apples. “An apple a day keeps the doctor away.” I enjoy apples daily. For the old saying to actually work, I’m not sure how many I would need to eat in a day!

B: Barry- I cannot imagine my life without my sweet!

C: Cats- My mother’s cat is cute, but vicious! I do not like that cat!

D: Dogs- Man and woman’s best friend! Our sweet Maggie is part of the family!

E: Easter– The day the Lord rose from his grave.

F: Flowers-I love flowers!

G: Gardening- I enjoy gardening. It is such a joy to watch the plants you put in the ground, come to life. It can be very therapuetic.

H: Hawaii- One place in the USA I’d love to visit.

I: Income- one of the hardest things to live without today!

J: Jack- with my name being Jill, I honestly have never met a Jack I could get along with.

K: Krispy Kreme–A place that would be my second home if it would not make as big as the side of a barn!

L: Lantana-One of my favorite flowers

M: Maggie May– our favorite puppy dog

N: Naive- I have often been called naive, I have a tendency to believe anything you might say

O: Oreo-the perfect cookie

P: Poetry-I would love to learn to write poetry, but I haven’t got a clue where to start

Q: Queues-things given to elderly people to help them perform daily tasks

R: Ricochet- I just like how this word sounds.

S: State-There are so many states you can get yourself into. {State of panic, state of mind, state of confusion, state of Georgia, etc,,,,,

T:Tchaikovsky- composer

U: Umbrella-Now that I only have one hand to use, this is a totally useless instrument. But a cool word.

V: Vanilla-such a wonder spice

W: Willy Wonka’s Chocolate Factory: {Gene Wilder version}-Thank goodness this is not real, but it is such a good old movie

X: Xena: Warrior Princess–stupid television show

Y: Yogi Bear–one of my favorite cartoon characters

Z: Zipline-riding a zipline is at the top of my bucket!

 MY NOMINATIONS:

(feel free to choose all, any or none of the awards)

http://goomfh.wordpress.com

http://likereadingontrains.wordpress.com

http://foodandwinehedonist.com

http://tylerpedersen02.wordpress.com

http://transcendingbordersblog.wordpress.com

http://lesleycarter.wordpress.com

http://mariejulietteleblog.wordpress.com

http://momentsinyourlife.wordpress.com

http://proverbsgirl.wordpress.com

http://healthisfromheaven.wordpress.com

http://dshenai.wordpress.com

http://kregianmiralpoems.wordpress.com

http://corbanwilkin.com

http://eugenejferguson.wordpress.com

http://renardmoreau.wordpress.com

http://doncharisma.wordpress.com

http://michellemarieantellg.wordpress.com

http://goodtimestories.wordpress.com

http://mcclendonvilla.wordpress.com

http://mjraik.wordpress.com

http://harshitmoon.wordpress.com

http://thoughtsfromanamericanwoman.wordpress.com

http://bearspawprint.wordpress.com

http://anaturemom.com

http://inlovewiththelord.wordpress.com

http://walterbright.org

http://secretangelps911.wordpress.com

http://rickmallery.wordpress.com

http://alluglyboysdo.wordpress.com

http://randomlyabstract.wordpress.com

I believe, more than the nominations, it’s the feeling of connectivity with a community of great bloggers that matters at the end of the day. So, there are no rules, no limitations. Congratulations to all! Spread joy, stay connected and keep smiling! One Peace, One Love, One World. Tanumoy, I liked what you said here, please do not be upset with me for using your words.

I chose newer blog visitors for my nominations! I have read each blog and enjoy them all. Have fun!  As the person nominating me did, I chose to only do the requirements for the ABC Award. You can chose to do them all or none!

Related Content:

• Awards, Nominations & LOTS of Self Talk!
• Lighten Up My Day
• Inner Peace Award
• 2 Awards Combined in 1
• “Moment of Inspiration”: Two Very Special Awards!
• Blog Awards Galore: A ‘Four’some Treat!
• Dessert Served Warm: “Super Sweet Blog Award”!
• Shine On Tanumoy with the… “Shine On Award”!

Daily Prompt| Origin Story

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I have always kept a journal. Summarizing the day always seemed to make me feel better and helped get any feelings out that I usually would let build inside myself until I got angry.

I gave the journals up with my first marriage. I missed the writing, but I was focused on being a new wife,  no time to write.

Barry and I started the blog after we both dealt with serious illnesses.  Barry suffered a Massive Right MCA Stroke in 2011 and I had brain surgery in 2009 to remove a brain tumor. The tumor was benign, but it left me with a few after effects. The tumor he was unable to remove, started pressing into my cranial nerves causing twitches, voice trouble and neck problems.

The tumor ended up being a side effect to a genetic disorder that can cause all sorts of health issues. Barry has been released from his neurologist care, but just needs to call if any issues pop up. My neurosurgeon has released for the next five years. As long as I have no issues, I only have to see his funny face every five years, I love it!

The blog was originally the idea of our Neurological Counselor. She felt that if we wrote our feelings down, we could manage any issues better. It has truly helped. Barry and I communicate better, we aren’t cranky with each other, and our relationship has improved. This helps us transition through issues as they come up.

We continue to blog today, because it is helping to retrain our brains and keep our writing skills as sharp as we can. We work on the daily prompts together. Keeps the brain sharp. We enjoy writing together. We pass ideas around until we come up with a good response to the daily prompt. I do the weekend post. Barry does two post a week and I do the other two days. Most of the time, we work on all the post together. It has become an important part of our day!