Category Archives: The “New” Barry

Parents: Raising them

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Currently my father continues to have spells of v-fib and passing out. For some reason, his implanted pacemaker/defibrillator does not fire properly. 

I received a call from my sister, that it has happened again and he is in an ambulance on the way back to the hospital. She did not know his status once in the ambulance, but was on the way to the Emergency Room. She told me to stay home and take care of myself, that she swears she will call as soon as she has news.

I had a chemotherapy treatment last friday and a hospital emergency room is the last place I need to be at the moment. I’m exhausted and my bones ache like crazy, so I’m going to kick my feet up and rest.

My mother appears to be having an issue with the amount of attention my dad is getting from the three of us. She has a doctor’s follow-up after cataract surgery scheduled tomorrow. I asked if it was ok to reschedule, so I could be there with Kristie to help sign him into hospice. Mom agreed and went to her part of the house to makeba call.

When I went to tell her it was rescheduled, she was on the phone complaining that we are ignoring her needs and not getting her where she needs to be. She was talking to one of her sisters.

This is totally untrue. My dad is not well and not expected to live. I just do not get this childish stuff.  I know she has an ilness affecting her thought processes, but it is not exactly the same.

I asked her to please verbalize if she has an issue with a schedule change. She says she will. What else do we do?

The Infusion Center

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Saturday afternoon, Barry and I were at the Infusion Center to receive my Nulastin injection to boost my white blood cells. As I sat quietly waiting, I looked around and listened to the conversations around me.

The gentleman sitting to my right was on his second round of chemotherapy for bladder cancer; the lady to the right said hello and dozed back off quickly.

There was a young man in his twenties sitting across, the nurses’ s were hanging blood for. His bloodwork needs boosting to continue his treatments next week.

The gentleman in the chair next to him, had his wife with him. She she speaking to the lady two chairs down from me. The lady down from me, was stating that she was giving up. Her husband could no longer sit with her, he was tearful and upset. He left the room and twenty minutes, a young lady showed up to sit with her mother.

After listening a while longer, she revealed that she was going through her sixth round of chemotherapy for the last time. Years ago, it had started in her breast and just spread around her body, until she now had brain cancer and nothing was helping.

She said she cannot do it anymore and is ready for her seat in heaven. Her daugher started to cry. I started tearing up, Barry pulled the curtain to allow what little privacy that is avaiable.

As I listened, to the hustle and bustle around me, I was hit with the sheer magnitude of the number of people that float though those rooms. The waiting room is always full, and when called back for my turn, I’m taken to the only empty seat in a bay.

It is truly sad to see all of these wonderful peeple going through the agony of chemotherapy. But this is still a statement for how far medical technology has come. All those people in there numerous times surviving, although having to come back for more.

I’ll continue this post after I look up some numbers. They have to be up there. I never thought about it before this date.

Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 21, 2013: Returning “Home”

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Barry and I do lot of traveling, unfortunately we haven’t had time for a trip just “for us”. Most of our traveling has been to doctors, labs, coumadin clinics, nuerology clinic’s, oncology clinics, breast specislist, and infusion centers. Those are just for Barry and I, we also handle mom’s doctor’s trips.

Eventually we have plans for ourselves, but I think we will save that for the end of the year. Somewhere quiet that feels like home. Just the two of us, always alone. Loving time together, spoiling each other. After the few years we have been through, we deserve it.

We are discussing some where to spend Christmas away from home. Might take to puppy dog with us. Who knows! Anything is possible.

Returning “home” is the project, so let me stop babbling and get to it. Although our traveling has not been for pleasure, coming home still feels like heaven.

A trip to the grocery store feels like a 10K roadrace at time. So walking back into our meager abode from any trip away from it, is a pleasure.  I love the sight of my fuzzy, velour blanket draped over the arm of my favorite chair in the living room.

Waiting by my chair is Barry’s favorite rocker/recliner. He loves to rock, it relaxes him. His favorite blanket over the arm of his chair, also. His is fuzzy, plaid. But he is so cute asleep, with it cuddled under his chin.

Waiting at home for us, usually, is our sweet little Maggie with her Boxer waggle. Walk into the house and she makes you feel like you have been gone for weeks. She loves you to pieces whether you have been gone five minutes or a week. She loves you no matter what. Unconditional love, what you give your family on a daily basis. Did the Good Lord bless man’s best friend eith such a wonderful quality?

The feeling of brings warmth and comfort over you. Relaxation sets in and the comfy clothes come out. The clothes you would not be seen in public in, along with your favorite slippers. No matter how ratty. In “The Wizard of Oz”, Dorothy could have not said it better with “there is no place like home, there is no place like home”. There is truly, no place like home. Even without ruby red slippers to get you there.

When it is our turn to be the parent

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As many of you know, my mother lives with Barry and I. The task has gotten easier, but it makes it tough on the relationship between the three of us. Mom doesn’t want to take ownership of her illness and when Barry and I do things to assist her level of function; she accuses us of treating her like a child.

With her memory becoming an issue, she has become difficult to handle in public on certain days. I have to judge her mood before we go out of the house. We had an issue at Wal-Mart, when Barry and I were not getting to her shopping list fast enough. It was quite interesting to have your mother screaming in a public place, becsuse she did not want to forget the cat food.

At church, several Sundays ago, in the middle of Worship Service mom had a question pop in her head for the Pastor. Durng the middle of the sermon, she got up and headed for the pulpit. The Pastor motioned for someone to take her aside to see if they could help. I froze, when I saw what she was doing. I was unsure of what to do or if I should do anything. The Pastor saved the day.

At home, things are working better becauee we have a set routine. Mom is learning to use the whiteboard and makes a list daily of things she would like to accomplish. When we have downtime, I suggest a task for the day that will keep her busy. Mom is helping us do the cooking, she loves to cook and really loves making us eat right. Barry is enjoying having her around finally. If we can speed up her getting ready to go time, life will get even better. Her vurrent get ready speed is around three hours.

On a different note, my father was admitted to the hospital again yesterday. His health is failing fast. It breaks my heart to see him so weak. He has such a strong will and is losing it quickly. Please send a few prayers his way. We can use all we can get!

Mom
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Pop
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Writing through Cancer: For the Week of July 7, 2013: The Heroes in Our Lives

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Heros come in many shapes and sizes.  They can be man or in some cases animal. They can be simple or complex, like your favorite movie star or super hero. Many definitions for such a tiny little word.

A hero can be someone you admire, someone that has actually saved your life or helped you through a rough patch in your life. Anywhere you look in this world, you could see a hero.

I would say I have several heroes in my life. Maggie, our treasured family pet, on several occassions has saved me from burning the house down.

After brain surgery, I experienced a little problem with attention. I’d put something on to cook and forget about it. Maggie quickly reminded me when something was not right in the kitchen.

There was another time Maggie came to the rescue. My mother had fallen in her bedroom, she was calling out for help, but I could not hear her. Maggie quickly let me know something was wrong and I was able to help mom quickly. Thank goodness she was ok.

Another person I consider my hero is my husband. Emotionally, my husband is my hero. He has been by my side, the past few years; helping with whatever I need without a single grumble or complaint, he is the sweetest man on earth, compassionate, loving, caring, he keeps me laughing and is always supportive. I do not know what I’d do without him.

My dad is next on my list of heros. He is sweet, loving, and has such a huge heart. Growing up, dad left home, to work, before we got up and did not get home until we were in bed again. We only saw uim on the weekends. He had a second job he worked on the weekends. It was nice, because we could go spend time with him. Thank you, Pop for working so hard and giving us the life we had. I love you more than you know.

Mom was not a happy camper when he went to the bowling alley, but he worked so much, one night a week to do something he enjoyed did not feel like a bad idea to me. Mom and dad divorced when Kristie was a teenager. Pop retired soon after that. As pop got older, he joined the flea market crowds and opened a booth to sale the items he was collecting. He is currently not doing well and is fighting tooth and nail to hold onto his independence. I pray that he knows the Good Lord as his Savior and is ready for his place in heaven. He says he is. The Good Lord will show him the way when the time comes.

The only “military” heros I am aware of, in the family, are my Uncle Gerald and my Uncle Ken. Both are from my dad’s side of the family. Uncle Gerald was killed somewhere in the Phillipines before I was born. Uncle Ken was the uncle I never really got to know growing up. His official demeanor scared me a little as a child, and then we never really had an opportunity to get to know each other. It is my own fault, I wish I had taken the time to know him. I can’t do this any longer, he passed away a few years ago. I have the honor of knowing my Uncle Ken is buried in Arlington Cemetary in Washington, D.C..

My hero list is short, but it is a tough list to beat. The people on my list would probably laugh at me for calling them heros, but in my book, they are topnotch!

Peace and Quiet

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As I sit here,  totally alone (with the exception of the dog and fish), a strange feeling comes over my body. I’m not sure I recognize it. I have the remote control to myself,  no one is fighting for my chair, my blanket is mine, a pillow comfy under my neck, I think I have forgotten what this is called.

Could this strange sensation be relaxation? I haven’t relaxed in such a long time, it feels odd. I am actually getting sleepy. Maggie is already asleep in Barry’s chair. Shotgun is swimming  happily around in his clean tank. The sun is shining in the windows making everything nice snd cozy. I think I might take a nap.

I love my husband. He was a sweetheart to take mom to the Surgery Center for her eye surgery. While I have a few peaceful hours to myself, he has to sit and wait. I’m getting a sore throat and not feeling well, my orders are to rest. So, ladies and gentlemen, enjoy your day! I am off to sleepytown. Sweet Dreams, all!

One of those days!

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Ever have a day you’d like to hide from? Crawl back in bed to sleep the day away? Or just crawl under the bed to hide from the world? Well, my day started off with a thump. That thump was me hitting the floor, face first, when I tried to turn over in the living room chair I had fallen asleep in and BAM! Flat on my face in the floor.

That was 5am. Three hours later, with Barry’s assistance, I almost tumbled backwards getting out of the tub. Barry managed to get the situation under control before we both took a second bath.

After getting ready, I had an appointment this morning, along with Barry and Mom. Luckily, mom and I were headed in the same direction. Barry had to head to Northside. Barry attended the first appointment with me.

On the way back to the truck, I went down hard on my right side, after tripping on the handicap ramp that needs attention. I skinned my right elbow, took the skin off the little toe on my left foot and bruised my ribs on the right back, from landing hard on the curb.

I think when mom is finished at the eye doctor, I’m going home and back to bed. Someone is trying to tell me to rest today. Hope everyone is having a better day than I am. If someone sees that truck that ran over me this morning, get the tag number please!