Daily Prompt: Too Big To Fail

Tell us about something you would attempt if you were guaranteed not to fail (and tell us why you haven’t tried it yet).

Since brain surgery, I’ve had kind of list of things I’d like to do. I wouldn’t call it a bucket list, it is more of a list of the things I’d like to complete in my life time; or things I’ve started and never finished. There are a few items on my list that would qualify for a bucket list, but I am not in need of a bucket list. My list definitely needs to be “The Things I Procrastinated over and Want to Finish”.

Let’s get to the point. This daily prompt made me think of that list. Number One on my list is taking a ‘Zip-linetour. I love the outdoors,gardening, hiking, fishing, boating and all other fun outdoor activities are out of the realm of possibility since becoming disabled. Barry has adapted a few household items to help with my love of gardening and we have narrowed hiking trails down to the safe ones (I never go alone). 

The thing is, I long to be high in the air on a platform, basking in the warm sunshine. I want to reach up, grab hold of that little bar,  and slowly step off the platform. I want to feel the wind on my face and in my hair, I long to feel the sun warming my skin as I glide through the trees, I want to look down at the forest and imagine all the colors are a huge quilt laid out beneath me; I’d love to pass a bird in flight and say “Boo”! I want to bask in God‘s creation.

My health is keeping me from following my dream at the moment.  At the moment, I am not physically capable of handling a Zip-line tour. I’m dealing with breast cancer, which is turning into my latest stop on the Cowden Syndrome trail. I have a genetic disease that is slowly eating its way through my body. Putting off my zip-line tour this time is only the 7th time we have done so. Hopefully, this fall, I’ll be healthy enough to go for a little tour through the trees. Wish me luck!

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy...

English: A zip-line over the rainforest canopy. Taken January 4, 2005 in Costa Rica at the Arenal Paraiso Hotel’s zip-line course. This course requires self-braking using a special purpose-built reinforced leather glove Photo taken by Ken Haufle. Category:Zip-line (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

 

Post Lumpectomy Unexpected Infection

Wednesday morning, I woke up feeling fine. I had a banana and sat down with a cup of hot decaf to walk my voice up. Barry was going to the hospital for blood work and bringing breakfast home with him. I crawled up in my favorite chair and got comfy under a blanket. While waiting for Bear to get home, I started to feel horrible. I got up, went back to bed and crawled under all the covers. 

Bear got home and pulled the thermometer out. Other than feeling like a truck had run me over, I felt good. My temperature was headed over 100° at that time. I was a bit dizzy and nauseated, but just extremely cold. I stayed folded up in the covers and rested. My temperature slowly climbed to 102°.

Barry called the breast surgeon‘s office and spoke with the nurse practitioner. She suggested I be seen by a doctor. My family doctor was closer than the breast center, so we called Dr. R.. She saw me at 3:30pm. After a bit of a work-up, she decided it was the incision under my arm. She sent me on my way with orders to rest, take my antibiotics, drink lots of fluids and see breast surgeon as soon as possible.

My private nurse, Barry, is watching me like a hawk. We saw the breast surgeon today. They agreed with my PCP on the diagnosis. They took a good look at the incision; pulled a loose suture out and the pain under my arm went immediately away. I was instructed to use the arm as much as possible, to avoid further fluid build-up. Of course, I was told not to over-do it. More drinking was encouraged and I’m to get the fever gone before my next surgery on the 28th. They want to get my margins clean and me free of breast cancer. I’m ready to be still for a bit. My running legs are getting tired. My chauffeur is starting to show a little wear. I can’t drive at the moment. My poor Bear catching all the driving duties.

Mom Will Be Home Sunday-sang to tune of “Nothing could be finer”

MOM WILL BE HOME SUNDAY

Nothing could be finer,

Than to have Mom in North Carolina,

In the morn…..rning…………..

There is nothing greater,

cuz she’ll be gone till three days later in the night,

the next day will be alright…………

cuz she’ll sleep till two days later with her cat…..

we do not mean to sound displeased,

cuz the house has been ours for three wonderful days and nights….

and we managed to keep the cat and dog aliveeeeeeeee……….

*************************************************

I’m happy she is going out-of-town to have some fun, but I am even more thrilled, to have Barry and the house to myself. Am I being awful? I’m loving the time with alone with Barry, but I developed a little fever and running back and forth to doctor’s offices more than usual. They are trying to figure out where the temperature is coming from. It appears that I have an infection in the surgical incision under my arm and 102° temp is coming from. I feel like I’ve been hit by a truck(a very large truck). On antibiotics and am seeing surgeon at lunch tomorrow.Wish me luck!

Things I thought I would never able to say, ‘Yes, I did that’ , in my life time

If you think you are about to read this ‘naughty girl’ confession list, prepare to be disappointed. I’m afraid to admit I’m one of the tamest women left on earth. I should have titled this post, ‘The things I should be embarrassed by or ashamed to admit I did’, rather than the title I posted. Well here goes, sorry to disappoint you……

1. I called out sick at work, when I just did not want to go.

2. I am currently wearing a kotex pad under my left arm, to cover one surgical incision from my breast cancer surgery.

I sprang a leak. I felt like I needed a plumber. The doctor’s answer was to cover it with a kotex pad to handle the drainage until my next appointment.

3. When I walk briskly, I sound like a bottle of water being shaken up.

4. When driving a drunk friend home, once upon a time, he attempted to grab the wheel and struck me across the face. I pulled over to the side of I-85 and put them out of my car.

5. I have had to send money to a friend stuck in Biloxi, Miss. without a dime to get home.

6. I once let someone get mad at me because I did not like hanging around with them. They got mad and quit coming around. I felt so bad, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell them to go away.

7. I let myself get into a situation at a party once, that a woman thought I was interested in her. Embarrassing….

8. When I went to pick a blind date up once, they attacked, I fought them off and ran. As I ran he tore the shirt and bra off my body. I was running through a parking lot half-naked.

9. In my single days, I let a woman tell an overly tipsy man I was hers, to get him to leave me alone.

10. Left a restaurant/bar with a couple of friends one night. When we got to the parking lot, one of the women I was with, started taking off her clothes as we walked to the car. To date, I haven’t asked “why?”.

11. I watched a girlfriend walk over to a man, whom had hit on her, pull a can of ‘Campbells’  soup out of the bust of her dress and hand it to him. She asked him to leave her alone and told him that he had the only thing he’d ever get from her in his hand.

12. My ex-husband talked me into ‘making-out’ in a casket at a funeral home in a small town in Georgia.

13. I corrupted my new husband in the dark on a boat on Lake Lanier, many years ago. That is all I’ll say about that.

14. I have attended the Masquerade Club in Atlanta, Ga. Not proud of being talked into going.

15. I used to love karaoke.

All of the above statements are true, 90% of them happened within 6 months of my divorce. I decided after that time, that I had put myself and my body through enough craziness. I let the true, sane me come back out to be the decent person I am.

Mother: Part 2

I was heartbroken to realize mom was crying this afternoon. It breaks my heart to see her cry. She gets confused when she cries.

When I sat her down to talk, I apologized for not realizing she wasn’t feeling her best and asked what the problem was. Mom proceeded to tell me she was upset with herself and didn’t know what to do.

Do to health reasons, mom has recently had to give up driving and gave her car to my youngest sister. If she’s not driving, why carry the cost of a car. Well, this afternoon, when mom went out to gather her tools for gardening and realized she did not have everything she needed, life hit her in the face.

When the thought of her inability to drive hit her, she lost it. She says it felt like her independence was flying out the door. She said she understood and knew it was time, but it would take her some time to get used to the feeling. 

She wanted to go to Wal-mart and realized she could not drive. She said it hit hard and she started crying. When she asked me where she could plant her plants in the sun, I argued with her for asking because I was almost asleep.

Barry helped me outside to go through the gardening spots with mom. We spent an hour outside helping her decide where she needs to plant certain things. Just that hour of time outside with her eased the painful thoughts she was having. Talking it out helped. We talked as we looked for garden spots, she felt better when we all decided it was time to eat.

She is thrilled that, my sister Sandy, is taking her to my nephew, Daniel’s college graduation, next weekend. She was so excited when she told me she was going. Like a big kid going to Six Flags. She got her hair cut, so she’s looking great! Mom likes to dress up and go places. She cleans up well.

I need to check to make sure all of her medications are packed and ready to go. I need to get copies of everything for Sandy. I want her to be set to have a good time. She deserves it.

It is so close to Mother’s Day! I don’t like to see mom upset. Barry and I both are glad Sandy is taking her on this trip. It will do her spirits some good.

Kristie and her family, Barry and I, and now I guess I’ll ask Sandy and Dennis, are taking mom to lunch at the Chinese Buffet in Snellville after church on Sunday. That will perk her up to. She needs to be showered with attention at times. We all love you very much, Mom!

 

My Mother: Betty Lou Fountain Hayes Hawks Day More Photos to come leading up to mother’s day! Enjoy!

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POST: 300

sunflowers

sunflowers

Just wanted my 300th Post to be summery! Thanks to everyone out there for your kindness and support. You are a fabulous group of people! Keep it up!

Growing Up in the Shadows, Part 2

Stairsteps3

Stairsteps3

My sister’s and I are now adults. There have been many changes. Once, Sandy and I were close, but I have become much closer to Kristie as we grew up.

Sandy married early and started a family early. She and her husband, Dennis, have twin boys and a girl. All but one are out on their own with their families started. Derrek is the hold out, he is looking for his perfect mate. I have no doubt he will find her eventually.

Someone Dennis worked with, introduced me to my first husband. I was head-over-hills in love. We were married and I moved to Madison, Ga., lovely little town. I discovered while in Madison, I missed Kristie terribly. Twelve years later I was divorced and living back in my childhood home.

While Sandy and I were doing the marriage thing in Madison, Kristie got stuck dealing with mom and dad as they filed for divorce. For years, mom firmly stated, the minute Kristie was out of high school she was leaving.

Two weeks, to date of Kristie’s graduation, mom packed up and left. I felt so bad. She had been threatening for years, I guess I never thought she’d. Mom was really good with acting on her present tense threats, not her future threats. She generally forgot what she had threatened.

I was proud of Kristie, she dealt with the mess at home, started school, helped daddy through finding an apartment and moved in with him. Pop is a pack rat and living with him was not easy. Kristie made a forever friend at school and her home became Kristie’s second home. It was good to see her happy for a change.

Mom met and married her second husband sometime in this period. Just thinking of my mother on a date is scary, but actually getting married. When we would call to talk to her, he would claim he did not know her. Things really did not get better.

We found out somethings from his past, that made Sandy and her husband refuse to let mom see their kids until she divorced him. This only made mom mad. Mom went to Sandy’s one day and flattened all her car tires.

She proceeded to The Office of the Department of Family and Children’s Services. She reported to a case worker that Sandy and Dennis were mentally abusing their children by not letting them see their grandmother.

What mom didn’t realize was that she was talking to a close friend of mine. My husband being in Law Enforcement, she called him the minute mom left her office. She told my ex that my sisters and I needed to go to the courthouse to have mom committed for incompetence. The sad thing is, back then, neither Sandy, Kristie or I had the nerve to do it. We knew what we’d have to deal with when they let her out!

Not long after that, Kristie met her husband. They were married and starting a family early. Kristie and I found out we were pregnant at the same time, about a months difference. I miscarried for the fifth time and Kristie delivered Jonny. He is like my child.

This pregnancy was the end of my marriage. My husbands attitude changed and it started to effect our marriage. It wasn’t long after that we filed for divorce.

Sandy stayed busy with her happy home and wonderful kids. It used to aggravate me beyond means for my mother to drive past my home, to Sandy’s. She would then call me and say “get out here to see me,” even as an adult, my mother put me in the shadows because I didn’t have grandchildren.

Sandy has worked hard and has a beautiful family to be proud of. Kristie has done the same. She has two beautiful boys she is busy raising. They have both done incredible jobs being moms.  I spent these years focusing on my career and working. I’ve done a great job spoiling their kids rotten. Thanks to Julie-bug, I can start spoiling the second generation.

Kristie had been married a few months when I got divorced. I moved back into my childhood bedroom and attempted to get my life together. Jonathan was the light of my life. When he was old enough, I took him everywhere.

His bottle was my alarm clock every morning, he would beat me in the head saying “Gege” until I got up. He towers over me know. We had such special times together when he was younger. I wish I was able to do the same things with Marek, the little man of the family. I miss the old me, but the new me gets better every day.

I had several jobs until I found the place I loved. I was still in that profession when I was forced to retire due to the brain tumor.

This position required me to train people and do a lot of one-on-one speaking with families and corporate officials. I have been brought out of my shell. Taking care of myself wasn’t easy, but I learned I could do it alone.

Not long after starting this position, I met Barry. Little did I know, I had just met the love of my life. Barry was the man I would spend the rest of my life with. He was sweet, handsome, funny and such s gentlemen.

Our one quirk, is his son, Frank, hates me. I have done everything I know to do for that child and he still hates every inch of ground I walk on.

Our health issues started with Barry, but his had been under control, with medications, for years. The hospital trips started with me and the brain tumor, then the thyroid cancer, then it switched to Barry’s heart valve, back to my gallbladder and knee scope; next came Barry’s stroke and my breast cancer. We’re gonna stop there for now. I don’t want to give any body parts ideas…we’re running out!

Day Two: Post Lumpectomy

MM900178208The drugs have worn off, I’ve started my exercises, and I rode in the car this afternoon. I took a pillow for comfort, but it went really well.

The pain is subsiding, until I move my arm too much. I still have my faithful bottle of giggle pills.   I have drunk so much liquid I feel like my eyeballs are floating. I have to flush all that lovely dye and anesthesia out of my system. The sooner that mess is out of my system, the better. I’ll feel better and I’ll stop resembling a Smurf around the edges. The doctor says that effect will go away in a few days.

The wait has begun. My appointment is on the 10th to get the pathology report and make treatment plans. I’m not worried, it’s in God’s hands. But now that I am more alert, it is on my mind. That simple little report is going to have such as huge impact on my life. It is hard not to think about it.

In between all the hoopla above, my left knee has given out on me and they are injecting chicken cartilage into the knee in hopes of forming a cushion in there to keep bone from hitting bone. So far, it helps for a few days, then the pain is back. It is a series of three shots. I’ve had the second one. If this doesn’t help, they want to discuss a knee replacement. I truly am NOT sure how I feel about that.

Total Knee replacement : AP view (Xray).

Our lives are in God’s hands. He has a plan for us all. We are not to question that plan. We are to be good people and better Christians.

Barry and I study our bibles. We have devotions with one another and we are active at church. Loving every minute of it. Barry and I have discussed that we feel more complete and better about where we are headed than we have in years.

I am finally catching on to the practice of handing things over to God. This breast cancer experience has shown that to me. My stress level has been lower and I have been able to turn my head off and go to sleep at night. Every prior health issue has caused me to worry myself sick. I tolerated this so much better. I’m proud of my progress. I wasn’t sure I could do it.

I’m learning to deal with my illness/disability as part of my life. The new “Jill” is progressing. Took me long enough. I blame my slowness on the brain injury caused by my brain surgery. Is it not awful that you have to cause a “brain injury” to save someone’s life when a brain tumor is discovered. Also, it isn’t like I’ve been a little busy.

I’ve been able to get my exercise regimen going again. Feeling better and walking better. Hopefully this latest health issue will not put a damper on that. My exercise makes me feel better.

The babble is starting, which is my question to stop typing. Have blessed night everyone.

beeani0822

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