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Writing through Cancer for week of June 2, 2013: Hope is a thing with feathers!

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When I think of hope, the saying, “Hope springs eternal” is the first thing that comes to mind. The sad thing about this phrase is it sounds cheerful and sweet, when it means things are hopeless! What a nice way to say something is hopeless. (from Alexander Pope’s poem, “Essay on Man” from 1734)

-Hope springs eternal in the human breast;

Man never is, but always to be blessed:

The soul, uneasy and confined from home,

Rests and expatiates in a life to come.

– Alexander Pope, An Essay on Man

Origin of Hope Springs Eternal From: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope_Springs_Eternal

Definition of Hope From:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hope

How do I write about hope? My best example is my great-niece and nephew’s birthday party. My great-niece is older, so she understood presents a little better than her brother. I love kids, especially my sister’s kids and their grandchildren. Since I was unable to conceive a child, I spoiled my sister’s children with the loudest, most annoying toys I could find. I was younger and in better health with my older sister’s kids, so I was able to spoil her children more than my younger sister. But I’m having fun with them now, they are older and understand my illness better.

Julie-bug is my oldest sister’s daughter. I have recently discovered that she doesn’t care if we give her kiddo’s noisy toys, Soooooooo…….watch-out Bugs, you may not know what your quiet Uncle Barry is capable of. He is a prankster in disguise. My oldest sister’s brother’s do not have children yet, so their time will come. We cannot wait!

The party we went to was precious. My niece has turned into Super Mom! She is so creative and always has been. Home-made everything from decorations to the cake. She is Wonder Woman. I am so proud. She has always made me feel like a special part of her life and I feel honored that she has let me be part of her life! She has accepted Barry as her uncle as if he had been around her entire life. It thrills Barry to be a part of her kids lives. Luke too, of course. Julie did a super job in that department also. Her hubby is a sweetheart and treats her like a gem!

OK, back to the party……our little nephew would open his gifts, play with the toy for a while and  on to the next gift. When he got to the last of the gifts and the only thing left was paper. He searched every inch of the paper, numerous times,  looking for another present. Until his sweet mommy picked the paper up, he was positive there was another gift lost in all that paper. When Julie took the paper away, he had a look of sheer disappointment on his sweet little face. Just adorable!

About 30 minutes later, he found the bag of gift wrap. By the time he was found, he was upside down in the trash can still looking through the paper. When he was pulled out of the can, all he said was “Birthday, please”. The can had to be removed from the room.

I love kids. I would have had a houseful if I could have, but Barry and I are enjoying being Aunt Gege and Uncle Bear! All six niece’s and nephews have called us that. I’m still called Gege by the 30 year olds. They are still adorable. We love you guys! I hope this is a good example of Hope. A little boy’s Hope that there were more presents. Adorable! I am a little prejudiced.

Daily Prompt: Goals

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When you started your blog, did you set any goals? Have you achieved them? Have they changed at all?

Starting a blog was not our idea. Barry and I started sessions with a neuropsychological counselor, Dr. J. Since Barry and I had both recently suffered from serious Neurological health issues, we were butting heads regularly and could not decide how to solve our issues.  At the time, she felt we needed a place to write our emotions and situations down. She felt Barry and I would adjust better, to our new lives, if we put got everything out in the open and talked out the issues we wrote about.  

Goal number one would be for us not to hold our emotions in. When a problem or issue occurs, document it. Write down everything, every detail possible. She did not specifically mean a blog, but a journal. I chose a blog, rather than the other, to really get feedback from others on what Barry and I were facing. 

I believe our goal with a journal / blog met and will continue to be met. Barry was uneasy to start. He has never been one to share his emotions. He is learning that we are two new people and that we have to learn to like the new “Barry and Jill”. We are both learning to look at the big picture, called life. For a while, we forgot we needed to care for each other, not just meet our own needs.  We are also figuring out the way to co-exist and falling in love with each other all over again.  

Goal number two was to spend at least an hour per day alone, together. We spent a few weeks having lunch out, daily. Applebees our favorite lunch spot for months.  The staff knew us on site and what our regular order was. As Barry’s health improved, we increased our time and headed to the gym and when able, we added a walking routine to our daily regimen. We continue our exercise routine today. We are slowly working on gardening projects around the house. Our yard has paid the price for our illnesses and we would like to slowly get it up to par.

Barry struggled with retirement. He attempted to go back to work, but was never able to make it past part-time. By mid-day, he was unable to control the stress. He finally bit the bullet and retired at the end of April. In close to 30 days, he almost has his “Honey-do” List completed. Retirement has energized him. I love it!  

The neuropsychological counselor we were seeing had to close her practice due to an illness. Barry and I continue to follow her advice and our relationship grows stronger daily. I am currently facing another serious illness. Barry is being a doll and extremely supportive everyday! 

Thank you, Dr. J! You are with Barry and I daily. God bless you!!!!!

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I felt so lost…

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I felt so lost yesterday, this morning I realized I stayed so busy yesterday, that I never wrote a post. My father had a rough Sunday night. We received a call at 9AM from a friend of Pop’s. He had found Pop unconscious in the floor of his bedroom. He called 911 and Pop was taken to Athens to the hospital. Sandy was on the way when Kristie called. She was working and could not leave. Barry, Mom, and I got dressed and headed to the hospital.  By the time we got there, he was being admitted to the hospital.  Sandy stayed a few minutes longer, then had to leave to do her bus route. She could not find a substitute for the afternoon route.

We stayed until Kristie and the boys arrived. Pop was comfortable in his room. Since he had fallen several times, the nursing staff but an alarm on the bed. Pop could not get up without someone hearing an alarm. This made us feel safe to leave him alone for the night. They said he would be discharged the next day. Between Libor and us, someone could pick him up and settled at home before Kristie was home from work.

Pop has a implanted defibrillator. It went off on the 29th of April. He had a heart attack and that defibrillator saved his life. The cardiologist added a new drug that Pop feeling nervous and not good at all. He could not sleep for anything. He gradually felt worse every day on the new drug. We called the doctor’s office for assistance. They did not believe it was the new medicine and stated they would take a good look at him in the office st his appointment. He was scheduled to be in there in 2 days. He was due to see the cardiologist tomorrow. I guess he could not wait.

God leads and guides our daily activities. God must be telling Pop  it is not his time yet. He’s got to hang out with us a while longer. He ready to help us get his affairs in order. Barry and I will be going up to help him set things up this weekend. We’ll have to work things out for healthcare POA’s and type his will up for him. Sandy will have to sign everything when she gets home. She and mom are attending my Nephew, Daniel’s college graduation this weekend. Mom is really looking forward to it. I hope they have a great time.

Life will eventually slow down. My second surgery has been scheduled for May 28th. Looks like my summer will Will be spent healing. YoU’ll still have decisions to make after the surgery. Radiation and chemotherapy are still a big unknown in my life.

Saw my neurologist this morning. He wants me to have a few health issues checked out and deal with the chemotherapy before he changes anything. So I feel kinda lost or on hold until a few issues are settled.I’m digging deep to pull my patience out and focusing on my health and diet while at home.trying recipes that are results to chew and swallow. My body is getting to the point that it has a little trouble doing those things lately.God is guiding me with this issue. I pray and ask for guidance and patience daily. I have figured out it is not my place to ask God why I am in this shape any longer. It is in his plan and I am in his hands. Not going to Strasbourg anything…..at least I’m going to give it my best shot at trying not to stress. God will guide me!

Things I thought I would never able to say, ‘Yes, I did that’ , in my life time

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If you think you are about to read this ‘naughty girl’ confession list, prepare to be disappointed. I’m afraid to admit I’m one of the tamest women left on earth. I should have titled this post, ‘The things I should be embarrassed by or ashamed to admit I did’, rather than the title I posted. Well here goes, sorry to disappoint you……

1. I called out sick at work, when I just did not want to go.

2. I am currently wearing a kotex pad under my left arm, to cover one surgical incision from my breast cancer surgery.

I sprang a leak. I felt like I needed a plumber. The doctor’s answer was to cover it with a kotex pad to handle the drainage until my next appointment.

3. When I walk briskly, I sound like a bottle of water being shaken up.

4. When driving a drunk friend home, once upon a time, he attempted to grab the wheel and struck me across the face. I pulled over to the side of I-85 and put them out of my car.

5. I have had to send money to a friend stuck in Biloxi, Miss. without a dime to get home.

6. I once let someone get mad at me because I did not like hanging around with them. They got mad and quit coming around. I felt so bad, but I didn’t have the nerve to tell them to go away.

7. I let myself get into a situation at a party once, that a woman thought I was interested in her. Embarrassing….

8. When I went to pick a blind date up once, they attacked, I fought them off and ran. As I ran he tore the shirt and bra off my body. I was running through a parking lot half-naked.

9. In my single days, I let a woman tell an overly tipsy man I was hers, to get him to leave me alone.

10. Left a restaurant/bar with a couple of friends one night. When we got to the parking lot, one of the women I was with, started taking off her clothes as we walked to the car. To date, I haven’t asked “why?”.

11. I watched a girlfriend walk over to a man, whom had hit on her, pull a can of ‘Campbells’  soup out of the bust of her dress and hand it to him. She asked him to leave her alone and told him that he had the only thing he’d ever get from her in his hand.

12. My ex-husband talked me into ‘making-out’ in a casket at a funeral home in a small town in Georgia.

13. I corrupted my new husband in the dark on a boat on Lake Lanier, many years ago. That is all I’ll say about that.

14. I have attended the Masquerade Club in Atlanta, Ga. Not proud of being talked into going.

15. I used to love karaoke.

All of the above statements are true, 90% of them happened within 6 months of my divorce. I decided after that time, that I had put myself and my body through enough craziness. I let the true, sane me come back out to be the decent person I am.

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My Mother: Betty Lou Fountain Hayes Hawks Day More Photos to come leading up to mother’s day! Enjoy!

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