One word describes today: PAIN…looking for my giggle pills to see if it helps.
One word describes today: PAIN…looking for my giggle pills to see if it helps.
For years, I have wanted to see my mother happy. I never thought I’d be around to see it. My mom’s health is declining and she is slipping slowly into the early stages of dementia and has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. She currently resides with Barry and myself. It was truly hard to begin with, but slowly the disease is changing her. She actually relaxes a little and I’ve seen her smile. She is enjoying organizng her new home and cat. She really enjoys her cat.
Mom is accepting that she can no longer drive and appears relieved. She is not as scattered as she has been. She has actually apologized for a few things from my past. It was hard growing up with mom, but now as an adult, I finally understand why. Getting mom to stop arguing and take ownership of her illnesses has been a huge step.
When is doing well with her medication regimen. She spends her days, cleaning, gardening, playing with her cat and our dog, she is a great help for me with the laundry. My toughest issue. She says the cat tells her hello every morning. I’ve yet to hear that one. She just wants to stay busy. She is getting so busy, she even dances with the commercials about “hip-hop abs” says she wants them at 72.
The dementia had mom doing some odd things and you never know what she will say. I’m gonna end it here. I’m pooped and hurting. Gonna get some medicine and get some rest.
The drugs have worn off, I’ve started my exercises, and I rode in the car this afternoon. I took a pillow for comfort, but it went really well.
The pain is subsiding, until I move my arm too much. I still have my faithful bottle of giggle pills. I have drunk so much liquid I feel like my eyeballs are floating. I have to flush all that lovely dye and anesthesia out of my system. The sooner that mess is out of my system, the better. I’ll feel better and I’ll stop resembling a Smurf around the edges. The doctor says that effect will go away in a few days.
The wait has begun. My appointment is on the 10th to get the pathology report and make treatment plans. I’m not worried, it’s in God’s hands. But now that I am more alert, it is on my mind. That simple little report is going to have such as huge impact on my life. It is hard not to think about it.
In between all the hoopla above, my left knee has given out on me and they are injecting chicken cartilage into the knee in hopes of forming a cushion in there to keep bone from hitting bone. So far, it helps for a few days, then the pain is back. It is a series of three shots. I’ve had the second one. If this doesn’t help, they want to discuss a knee replacement. I truly am NOT sure how I feel about that.
Our lives are in God’s hands. He has a plan for us all. We are not to question that plan. We are to be good people and better Christians.
Barry and I study our bibles. We have devotions with one another and we are active at church. Loving every minute of it. Barry and I have discussed that we feel more complete and better about where we are headed than we have in years.
I am finally catching on to the practice of handing things over to God. This breast cancer experience has shown that to me. My stress level has been lower and I have been able to turn my head off and go to sleep at night. Every prior health issue has caused me to worry myself sick. I tolerated this so much better. I’m proud of my progress. I wasn’t sure I could do it.
I’m learning to deal with my illness/disability as part of my life. The new “Jill” is progressing. Took me long enough. I blame my slowness on the brain injury caused by my brain surgery. Is it not awful that you have to cause a “brain injury” to save someone’s life when a brain tumor is discovered. Also, it isn’t like I’ve been a little busy.
I’ve been able to get my exercise regimen going again. Feeling better and walking better. Hopefully this latest health issue will not put a damper on that. My exercise makes me feel better.
The babble is starting, which is my question to stop typing. Have blessed night everyone.
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I promise I’ll only do this today, but this is where my mind is and I HURT! You do not realize how much certain parts of your body move, until some doctor cuts a hole in it. I just have one main word to get across in this post and that is OUCH!
I feel as if I have been wrestling with barbed wire. I don’t know who intubated me, but they may need a little more practice. I know they tried their best. Obviously got it in the right place, but my throat is incredibly sore from their practice. My twitching vocal chords did not help, I’m sure.
As the radiologists was inserting the guide wire, into a supposed numb area, I felt like she was jamming a piece of barbed wire in to help Dr. S. find the tumor. I’m glad I was asleep to have it removed.
WOW……..what an ordeal for a Stage One Breast Cancer. I’m just glad this was not 20 years ago. I saw that surgery in nursing school. Medical technology has improved immensely. Thank Goodness.
I’m not out of the woods yet. We are waiting for the last pathology report to find out the treatment I need.
Please keep up the prayers, cross you fingers, cross your toes, send a few angels my way……I need all the help I can get to make it through this.
Thank you all (had to let my Southern Belle shine) for your concern, support and prayers. You are all wonderful! Just a short post for today, I need another pain-giggle pill. I’m not one to like medication, but this stuff is good and I like to giggle!
From the bottom of my heart, thank you!
Jill is doing well. Surgery started late and took longer than anticipated. Now we wait 7-10 days for pathology report. We finally got her home. I got her settled in her chair, all doped up and sleeping. Now I.m gonna figure dinner out and sit myself down soon! Thank you all for your prayers and support. Jill truly enjoys blogging and enjoys all of you!
Thank you,
Barry Baynes
National Poetry Writing Month is nearly at end. To celebrate it, try your hand at some verse.
The Fight in Me
Facing the illness,
Building my strength,
Dealing with pain,
Day by day,
Doctors so confident,
With so few answers,
But their abilities are lacking!
As I enter an exam room,
Their knowledge is useless,
My body out of control,
As strange things continue,
One doctor’s academic experiment,
Lab-rat I am not,
Without knowledge of applicable treatment,
We play the game “What to try Next?”,
Not knowing the outcome,
But something has to be done,
The pain remains unending,
But my spirit wains,
Unsure of the outcome,
But a new willingness to try,
Something has to treat this disease,
I will not let it get the best of me,
I am a different person,
Than earlier days,
My faith in the Lord,
Keeps me going,
For in his hands my body lies,
The world around me appears different,
This disease has changed my insight,
And perspective of my surroundings,
Thank you, Lord
For showing me the way,
To manage this illness,
In a positive way!
Through the exchange of stories, we help heal each other’s spirits…Isn’t this what a spiritual life is about?
–Patrice Vecchione, Writing and the Spiritual Life
Writing for me is an outlet to show my true self. Writing allows me to be completely honest with the world and myself. I have become more verbal on topics I would normally hold in to eat me alive with stress.
Recently, I have felt a new strength developing through my writing. I feel my faith has strengthened and I am changing as a human being. I look at the world differently. As a child, I the beauty of the world amazes and astounds us. As adults we have forgotten what a beautiful place we have been blessed with by our precious Lord. It suggests the old saying. “Stop and Smell the Roses”
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_and_Smell_the_Roses
I look at my family, friends and life in general differently. My health has been a huge factor in the changes noted in me. I have been through so many lab tests, x-rays, CAT Scans and MRI’s that you could probably see me glowing in space or find me easily with a satellite. Dealing with my rare genetic disorder has brought patience and tolerance into my life (which are 2 things I was sorely lacking in). I’m a nurse. I once thought I was blessed with the patience of Job until receiving my first diagnosis and my roller coaster ride started. After brain surgery, I quickly learned to dislike the word, Time! I’ll re-post from my blog on ‘Time’.
******This is a re-blog. I felt it was appropriate to post it again, cuz that old dislike is the word ‘Time’ is coming out again. I have something go wrong and I feel like crap-ola. All the doctor’s office can say is give it time, they will come in. I truly do not like being in this position. One thing has changed since I wrote this, I have been reminded that I am not supposed to worry about things. I need to put it in God’s hands, he is in control. So much has gone on since 2009, I had kinda forgotten that huge fact. I am actually beginning to feel more at ease about my illness. I do not like getting worse, but I have to remember, I’m just getting closer to him. Honestly, being able to give a little of this worry up is wonderful! I’m loving the peace!*****************************************
I learned to hate that word several years ago. When you are healing after anything to do with the brain, everyone’s favorite thing to say is ” Time, just give it time.”. I do not know about anyone else, but both Barry and I are a tad impatient. Time is a word impatient people can’t stand.
I have to admit that I enjoyed paying Barry back with a few time comments. You have to understand my husband’s quirky sense of humor. I know he thoroughly enjoyed telling me “Give it time.”. He smiled and giggled a little too much after saying it. I turned it around and now use it on him just a little. I tried to hide my snickering.
OK, well down to the news I need to share. My visit to neuro-oncologist was quite informative. He gave us more information than we have ever received from other doctors. He confirmed that I do have Cowden Syndrome. With my medical history, he doesn’t feel the blood test is necessary. He is scheduling an MRI of the brain and a full body PET Scan. He says he hopes they are both negative, but to be ready for the possibility. Said it could be as simple as the thyroid cancer not being totally removed or something else manifesting in the neurological symptoms that have been popping up. Here we go again with that word, TIME! Barry and I are praying and giving it to God. If it’s meant to be……….
I have always been a very compassionate person, to the point of being a sucker. Barry’s stroke strengthened my faith and spirituality. When he was healthy enough, we found a church to call home. We are enjoying getting to know the church community and trying to find which ministry we would like to be part of.
My health would be my precipitating event. Since 2000, I have had 3 spinal epidurals; been through a year with a masseuse; a year with a pain management doctor; been through thyroid cancer three times; my tonsils grew back and removed a second time; had brain surgery for a benign cerebellar tumor; been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that causes tumors to form through my body; lost my gall bladder. had a ruptured cyst in my left breast and am now facing breast cancer. Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.
I have definitely felt the need to get closer to God and learn more about my religion. I study the bible regularly. I have learned more about the Bible in the last year than I ever did attending church as a child. Barry and I read together every evening. We are trying to get through the bible before summertime.
My re-found spirituality has helped me to notice and appreciate the world around me again. My relationships with my family have improved. I love my husband more everyday! I thank the good Lord daily for bringing him into my life.
Barry and I are now taking care of my mother. She wasn’t in a healthy home-life with her husband. When her health started to decline, she moved in with us. It was a bit of a struggle to start, but we are getting used to each other. I have written about the transition we went through when she moved in. It has been healthy for Barry and I to work on the posts together.
In closing, in my opinion writing has changed my life. I look forward to it daily and enjoy planning my post each week.
For this week: How has writing deepened your spirituality? Your compassion or insight? How have faith and spirituality manifested themselves in your life? Was there a precipitating event? Write about the prayer that writing becomes, the spiritual journey that writing has helped you discover.
Our favorite workout place! Photographs provided by Barry Baynes
Early bird, or night owl: Definitely Early Bird depending on you definition of early. Below you will find pictures of a few early bird-feeder raiders.
Before brain surgery, I was definitely a night owl. After the surgery, I threw my alarm clock away. I had an internal clock that would have up and raring to go by 7am everyday.
My body is physically out of the bed, but once up I have a two-hour exercise routine to wake my voice and body up to be able to work properly. If I do not exercise, my body and eyes are crazy all day. I enjoy proper function, do I endure the daily grind.
After 2-3pm, my body heads in the other direction and it is nap-time. My voice starts slowing down and I have to do my eye exercises hourly to keep them focused. My legs hold up a bit longer, but it is usually best if I am to the point of my day that I can start winding down around 8pm.
I love to get out and drive on my own. Shopping used to be my stress release, even window shopping. It feels great to be able to make it out on my own at times. I drive better than I walk.
It is with since pleasure that I post the facts I received today at my doctor’s visit. They caught my breast cancer early, Stage 1 Invasive (Hormonal) Ductal Carcinoma. It is definitely cancer, but it was caught early enough to not be a big deal to deal with. I’m having surgery on the 30th to remove the lump. Once the lump is out, she can tell me what type of treatment I need. I told myself, I wouldn’t spend the weekend worrying myself sick about the diagnosis, but I apparently did subconsciously. When we arrived home after the appointment, I slept for six straight hours. Me thinks I was stressing a little more than I realized.
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