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Mother: Part 2

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I was heartbroken to realize mom was crying this afternoon. It breaks my heart to see her cry. She gets confused when she cries.

When I sat her down to talk, I apologized for not realizing she wasn’t feeling her best and asked what the problem was. Mom proceeded to tell me she was upset with herself and didn’t know what to do.

Do to health reasons, mom has recently had to give up driving and gave her car to my youngest sister. If she’s not driving, why carry the cost of a car. Well, this afternoon, when mom went out to gather her tools for gardening and realized she did not have everything she needed, life hit her in the face.

When the thought of her inability to drive hit her, she lost it. She says it felt like her independence was flying out the door. She said she understood and knew it was time, but it would take her some time to get used to the feeling. 

She wanted to go to Wal-mart and realized she could not drive. She said it hit hard and she started crying. When she asked me where she could plant her plants in the sun, I argued with her for asking because I was almost asleep.

Barry helped me outside to go through the gardening spots with mom. We spent an hour outside helping her decide where she needs to plant certain things. Just that hour of time outside with her eased the painful thoughts she was having. Talking it out helped. We talked as we looked for garden spots, she felt better when we all decided it was time to eat.

She is thrilled that, my sister Sandy, is taking her to my nephew, Daniel’s college graduation, next weekend. She was so excited when she told me she was going. Like a big kid going to Six Flags. She got her hair cut, so she’s looking great! Mom likes to dress up and go places. She cleans up well.

I need to check to make sure all of her medications are packed and ready to go. I need to get copies of everything for Sandy. I want her to be set to have a good time. She deserves it.

It is so close to Mother’s Day! I don’t like to see mom upset. Barry and I both are glad Sandy is taking her on this trip. It will do her spirits some good.

Kristie and her family, Barry and I, and now I guess I’ll ask Sandy and Dennis, are taking mom to lunch at the Chinese Buffet in Snellville after church on Sunday. That will perk her up to. She needs to be showered with attention at times. We all love you very much, Mom!

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My Mother: Betty Lou Fountain Hayes Hawks Day More Photos to come leading up to mother’s day! Enjoy!

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Writing Through Cancer: When life hurts, writing can help. Weekly writing prompts for those living with debilitating illness, pain or trauma.

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Stories—the small personal ones that bring us close as well as those of the larger world—foster compassion.  In the telling of our personal lives, we’re reminded of our basic, human qualities—our vulnerabilities and strengths, foolishness and wisdom, who we are…, through the exchange of stories, [you] help heal each other’s spirits.

–Patrice Vecchione, Writing and the Spiritual Life

Growing up, I was a shy child. As the years went on, I came out of my shyness a little, but as I grew older and started getting serious about life the shyness reappeared in certain situations.

I think we all go through an awkward phase as a child, I’d say I hit mine around the sixth-grade or seventh-grade. The summer I turned twelve years old, I shot up over six inches in height. Mom thought she was purchasing stylish glasses for me, when truth be told, they were the ugliest glasses I had ever seen.

Anyone with an opportunity and a mean streak took it upon themselves to let me know how gawky and goofy I looked in those glasses. As I got taller, I was the second tallest girl in my class and the first girl to develop in all the right places. I was taller than everyone in the class. That just added to the fire.

Another thing that added to my “nerdy” status is that I developed allergies as a child. I grew up when they didn’t know how to treat allergies. I was always sick, had a lot of food allergies and did a ton of throwing up after meals. Not so easy to make friends when you are literally the snotty girl, always scratching and have the ability to vomit at the drop of a hat. Kids can be so mean. I was sick so much, mom thought I needed to see a doctor daily. The ironic thing about mom running me to the doctor constantly, was that the brain tumor I have has been there since I was a child. I was sick, but not for any of the reasons she was taking me to the doctor.

All of these, should have been good things, but the kids I grew up with saw a vulnerable girl they could hurl their latest ammunition at. It was like some bully kept a book and said “let’s pick on her today.”

One stupid new girl decided she would target me on her own. I became her pet project at her new school. She took particular dislike to my glasses. I was called “Four-Eyes” so many times in the eighth-grade that I decided to let her foolishness stop bothering me and decided to kill her with kindness. Sometime in the night-grade,  the bullying stopped. The new girl, never turned nice through four-years of high school, but it didn’t matter. I didn’t let her get to me.

I took my classes, did my school work and survived high school. Most of us do. What you have to remember about bullies, is that they are just jealous or sometimes it could be as boy or girl who is sweet on you and doesn’t know how to handle their own feelings. Be patient growing up, God will get up through it! I went to college away from everyone I had known for years.

After graduating high school, the shy girl came flying out of me again. Nursing school put me into situations I didn’t know how to handle, so I did my best. If I was uncomfortable in a situation, I worked my way through it. After I was married the first time, I ran into people here and there. What I noticed the most, was they acted like we were life long friends. God says to forgive and I have forgiven.

Doctors are not kind to new nurses or old ones at that. My first nursing job, opened my eyes to how crude the medical profession can be. You would not believe, what goes on behind the scenes, at some hospitals here in Georgia. In all my life, I did not realize how ugly people can be to one another. I grew-up quickly.

After my first husband and I divorced, one of my first jobs as a single woman was at the local jail in my hometown. The saddest part of that job, was seeing more people I went to high school with in jail than on the streets of town. A few were hard to believe, but others I had seen in trouble for years. I dated a deputy for a while, and he got a bit stalkerish. Someone in jail, that I had known for years, stood up for me. He did the right thing and said something when the time was right. I never got the chance to say thank you! Thank you, Joe! I know he’ll never see this, but at least I have said it.

I went through many jobs, that finally lead me to the career I was meant to have. I stayed with that career until I was forced into retirement by a nasty brain tumor called a gangliocytoma. I would later discover the tumor was just a symptom of a genetic disorder called Cowden Syndrome. Sine that diagnosis, I have survived Thyroid Cancer and I am dealing with breast cancer. Every month, I am in some doctor’s office being probed, prodded or x-rayed.

Note to all doctor’s that do lumpectomies, tell your patient’s about the fluid build-up possibility and the possibility of acting like a leaky pipe under your arm. It would make life after lumpectomy less stressful.

I’m getting tired, but I refuse to let this mess get the best of me. God has a plan for my life, otherwise I wouldn’t still be around. It is not my place to question that plan. I have tolerated this breast cancer episode better than things in the past. Either I am tired of fighting, or learning how to give it to God finally. I’ve prayed about the subject. It must be sinking in.

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Growing Up in the Shadows

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Before I write this, I want everyone to know every word is TRUE! The sad thing is, this is only one story of many I could tell.

My name is Jill. I am the middle child of three girls. My sisters and I are close. We had to be close growing up. Mom was a little hard to deal with when we were kids. It wasn’t until recently, that we have started to understand mom’s behavior as we grew-up.

Growing up, I worshiped my older sister. I followed her everywhere. I didn’t let her out of my sight for long. When I started my cycle, 2 weeks after Sandy, mom started telling everyone; “Jill never could let Sandy do anything by herself.” I was eight years old and Sandy was 11. At this point, Kristie was young enough not to care about anything her older sisters and what they were doing. She was too busy growing up. 

We grew up in a small town in the days when it was OK to leave kids at the movies, mall (actually I’m not sure we had a local mall yet), or skating rink without grown-up supervision. When mom and dad left us on our own, Sandy took on the role of protector. She watched Kristie and I like a hawk. She wasn’t going to be in charge if something happened.

An unbelievable incident occurred while we were at the local skating rink. The incident slowly evolved from some bigger kids picking on Kristie. She was wearing a tube top, one of the older girls grabbed by the shoulders and dug her finger nails in, to the point of bringing blood from the scratches, left across her shoulders.

Kristie immediately ran to Sandy and pointed the girls out to her. Sandy told the Security Guard, who had a talk with the girls. Which apparently did not a bit of good, because they ran to their mother’s. Their mother’s proceeded to corner Sandy and threaten her.

When mom arrived, Sandy told her the story. You could see mom’s switch flip from cool, calm and collected;  to do not mess with my kids. Sandy pointed everyone out to mom. The security guard realized mom had arrived and he proceeded to attempt to talk her out of saying anything.

Mom went to talk to the older girls. They ran to their mothers. When their mothers confronted our mother, the security guard called the police. I am not sure how to describe the other women involved, politely. They were like no other women I had seen in my lifetime. This was the first time I ever realized women could actually shave their eyebrows and paint them back on. Not a look I care for.

A crowd started to form around the car my mom leaned into to discuss the situation. She must have said something the women in the car didn’t like because they sell got out of the car, came around and surrounded mom.

The driver of the car, pushed mom backwards. Mom got up fighting. She jumped the driver. The next thing we knew mom and the driver were rolling around on the ground and the other women were landing punches as they could. The crowd was wild.

Before the fight was in full swing, the Security Guard called the police. We could here the sirens getting closer in the background. The police arrived, they attempted to stop the fight and desperate everyone. All I could see of the fight was fists and hair flying. At one point, I watched my mother grab the Security Guard and tell him to leave her alone if he didn’t want to loose what she was grabbing.

The police finally separated the fight and attempted to sort out what happened. I do not remember much after this, because our father had been contacted to pick us up. We were taken home and sent to bed. When we got up the next day, mom was home and the previous night was not mentioned.

I have a relationship with my sisters that others have trouble understanding. Maybe it has something to do with our childhood. We went through a lot together.

My husband was an only child. He had one child with his first wife. My oldest sister’s husband grew up with a brother and sister. My youngest sister’s husband is from overseas and grew-up with a sister. Other than Barry, everyone grew-up with a sibling.

Libor, Kristie’s husband, states that he has never seen siblings get along so well together or exhibit the closeness we do concerning one another. 

When Barry and I were married, it took him ages to get used to our relationship. He became a little upset with me once when he overheard a conversation between my oldest sister and myself. He felt I should have been asking him the kind of questions, he heard me asking Sandy.

I tried to explain that I’ve been depending on my sisters for advice on certain topics since I was a kid. He grew up an only child, not knowing what it is like to have a closeness with a sibling. As time goes by, he grows closer to understanding our relationship. 

You have friendship, brotherhood, and many other words to describe a kinship between people. If you do not know or understand what it means to be a sister, you do not know what you are missing.

Sisters are a different breed. We interact with one another on a different level than brothers and friends do. We know each others deep, dark secrets. We ask and answer each other questions you’d have trouble asking you husband or closest friend.

Sisters tell you when they think you are acting like an idiot and then they will also let you know when they think you are brilliant. You can always count on your sister. Through good and bad times, they will always be there for you.

You can count on your sisters to always be open and honest with you. When you get sick, your sister will be there to do whatever needs to be done. Part of being a sister, is being able to tell your sister when they are being complete turds and need to remember there are other people in this world than themselves.

Everyone has busy full lives today, you can’t shuck off your responsibilities to suit your needs. Once a sister, always a sister. Once a daughter, always a daughter. There are a few things in life that cannot be changed. 

With sisters, you can be fighting like cats and dogs one minute or not speaking for months; let something happen and your sisters will be there at the drop of a hat. Sisters are always there when you need them.

Being the middle child of three girls, I felt like I was in the shadow of my sisters daily. We went through the same school system, rode the same bus, had the same issues with our parents. Some how, I man managed to feel over-shadowed by my older and younger sisters. Teachers, the bus driver and other school-related employees used to ask if I talked as much as my older sister. When I said, “No, I was the quiet one.” Their answer was always “Good”.

Kristie over-shadowed me when she was a freshman in high school. I had spent most of my junior year, sick and out of school. Upon returning my senior year, my baby sister took it upon herself to be my protector. She wouldn’t let anyone mess with me. Mrs. Gieger, the bus driver, said Kristie talked too much also. She told me once I was a nice break between my two sisters.

Stairsteps1- Jill and her sisters

Stairsteps1- Jill and her sisters

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Daily Prompt: The Little Things

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Describe a little thing — one of the things you love that define you worlds but is often overlooked:

We glide down the drive

and come to a stop

quickly, we gather our belongings

Jumping out of the car,

we head for the door

once inside, we begin our evening ritual

laundry and dinner the only thing our minds

our nightly routine begins

as dinner simmers,

we gaze through the front window

when reality strikes

our yard is looking neglected and alone

the lilies look dry with their tender leaves disheveled

knockout roses are begging for attention

hostas and lantana are peeking their tender leaves out

reaching toward the sun

our yard is being ignored, as we live our hectic life

yard work not easy to fit into a schedule

It is time to get busy weeding, fertilizing and mulching

The grass will call our name every weekend

hoping for a good cut

our home is lovely, but time has come

summertime is around the corner

and our flowers need room to grow…….. 

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Daily Prompt: Cringe-Worthy

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Do you feel uncomfortable when you see someone ;else being embarrassed? What’s most likely to make you squirm?

What makes me uncomfortable is seeing anyone think they have the right to attack someone, in public, for whatever reason.

I wouldn’t call the feeling I get, uncomfortable. It leans more toward anger than uncomfortable. As Americans we have rights. In my book, one right should most definitely be; the right not to be attacked in public unjustly.

I feel more uncomfortable for the person doing the attacking. Not only is what they are doing embarrassing, it is just not nice. The reason/cause of the attack doesn’t matter. It, flat-out, is not right!

Coming down off my ‘Nice’ high horse, I’ll admit there is something in public that makes me cringe and want to point something out to another person. I never do it, but I feel terrible for even thinking about it.

I’m embarrassed to start with, that today’s society has a named things like “muffin tops“, “whale tales”, “tramp stamps”, and “bro-pants”. It is just sad that our society thinks it is OK to dress the way they do out in public. Since when is it OK to wear your pj’s to the grocery store?

As a woman, when I see another woman or girl out in public dressed as if they should be wearing “Spanx” from head to toe makes me cringe.

I am uncomfortable being shown the top of someone’s rear when in public. Call me old-fashioned, I do not care! Whatever happened to having a little mystery in your life? Do you have to show all you goodies off, every time you are out in public?

Next time you think you are ready to leave the house, take a second look. Think about the people who will be looking at you once you leave your home. Have a little mercy, please!

 

For the Week of April 28, 2013: Writing as a Spiritual Practice

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Through the exchange of stories, we help heal each other’s spirits…Isn’t this what a spiritual life is about?

–Patrice Vecchione, Writing and the Spiritual Life

Writing for me is an outlet to show my true self. Writing allows me to be completely honest with the world and myself. I have become more verbal on topics I would normally hold in to eat me alive with stress.

Recently, I have felt a new strength developing through my writing. I feel my faith has strengthened and I am changing as a human being. I look at the world differently. As a child, I the beauty of the world amazes and astounds us. As adults we have forgotten what a beautiful place we have been blessed with by our precious Lord. It suggests the old saying. “Stop and Smell the Roses”

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stop_and_Smell_the_Roses

I look at my family, friends and life in general differently. My health has been a huge factor in the changes noted in me. I have been through so many lab tests, x-rays, CAT Scans and MRI’s that you could probably see me glowing in space or find me easily with a satellite. Dealing with my rare genetic disorder has brought patience and tolerance into my life (which are 2 things I was sorely lacking in). I’m a nurse. I once thought I was blessed with the patience of Job until receiving my first diagnosis and my roller coaster ride started. After brain surgery, I quickly learned to dislike the word, Time! I’ll re-post from my blog on ‘Time’.

           ******This is a re-blog. I felt it was appropriate to post it again, cuz that old       dislike is the word ‘Time’ is coming out again. I have something go wrong and I feel like crap-ola. All the doctor’s office can say is give it time, they will come in. I truly do not like being in this position. One thing has changed since I wrote this, I have been reminded that I am not supposed to worry about things. I need to put it in God’s hands, he is in control. So much has gone on since 2009, I had kinda forgotten that huge fact. I am actually beginning to feel more at ease about my illness. I do not like getting worse, but I have to remember, I’m just getting closer to him. Honestly, being able to give a little of this worry up is wonderful! I’m loving the peace!*****************************************

I learned to hate that word several years ago. When you are healing after anything to do with the brain, everyone’s favorite thing to say is ” Time, just give it time.”. I do not know about anyone else, but both Barry and I are a tad impatient. Time is a word impatient people can’t stand.

I have to admit that I enjoyed paying Barry back with a few time comments. You have to understand my husband’s quirky sense of humor. I know he thoroughly enjoyed telling me “Give it time.”. He smiled and giggled a little too much after saying it. I turned it around and now use it on him just a little. I tried to hide my snickering.

OK, well down to the news I need to share. My visit to neuro-oncologist was quite informative. He gave us more information than we have ever received from other doctors. He confirmed that I do have Cowden Syndrome. With my medical history, he doesn’t feel the blood test is necessary. He is scheduling an MRI of the brain and a full body PET Scan. He says he hopes they are both negative, but to be ready for the possibility. Said it could be as simple as the thyroid cancer not being totally removed or something else manifesting in the neurological symptoms that have been popping up. Here we go again with that word, TIME! Barry and I are praying and giving it to God. If it’s meant to be……….

I have always been a very compassionate person, to the point of being a sucker. Barry’s stroke strengthened my faith and spirituality. When he was healthy enough, we found a church to call home. We are enjoying getting to know the church community and trying to find which ministry we would like to be part of.

My health would be my precipitating event. Since 2000, I have had 3 spinal epidurals; been through a year with a masseuse; a year with a pain management doctor; been through thyroid cancer three times; my tonsils grew back and removed a second time; had brain surgery for a benign cerebellar tumor; been diagnosed with a rare genetic disease that causes tumors to form through my body; lost my gall bladder. had a ruptured cyst in my left breast and am now facing breast cancer. Surgery scheduled for Tuesday.

I have definitely felt the need to get closer to God and learn more about my religion. I study the bible regularly. I have learned more about the Bible in the last year than I ever did attending church as a child. Barry and I read together every evening. We are trying to get through the bible before summertime.

My re-found spirituality has helped me to notice and appreciate the world around me again. My relationships with my family have improved. I love my husband more everyday! I thank the good Lord daily for bringing him into my life.

Barry and I are now taking care of my mother. She wasn’t in a healthy home-life with her husband. When her health started to decline, she moved in with us. It was a bit of a struggle to start, but we are getting used to each other. I have written about the transition we went through when she moved in. It has been healthy for Barry and I to work on the posts together.

In closing, in my opinion writing has changed my life. I look forward to it daily and enjoy planning my post each week.

For this week:  How has writing deepened your spirituality?  Your compassion or insight?  How have faith and spirituality manifested themselves in your life?  Was there a precipitating event?  Write about the prayer that writing becomes, the spiritual journey that writing has helped you discover.

Daily Prompt: Wall to Wall

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What do you display on the walls of your home — photos, posters, artwork, nothing? How do you choose what to display? What mood are you trying to create?

We love antiques, flowers, pictures and signs. Each wall is different. We have tried to give each room its own personality, but coordinate wall color and house style; where our budget will allow. We want our home to feel lived in. Every room in the house is well used and comfortable.

Putting a name to what we tried to create, would be comical comfort. Our signs make you giggle, the atmosphere and furniture make it comfortable.

Our pooch,Maggie, agrees with the comfortable part. She sleeps wherever she sits down.wait…..she is a dog, they are good at that.

Of course there is my step-father James, he falls asleep the minute he sits down when getting to our house.

Check the pictures out tomorrow. Had plans to take new pictures today, but my body wouldn’t cooperate this afternoon. Run a few errands, I have to sleep. I’ll update post in the morning. Show off my miss-matched wall decor. We may not be for a Southern Living Magazine write-up, but we like it!

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Daily Prompt: History of Language

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Write a piece of fiction describing the incident that gave rise to the phrase, “third time’s the charm.”

Barry and I sat attempting to put a table together, we had purchased. The directions appeared to be useless and there were a million parts to organize into one table. We were starting to have regrets.

He got a bit angry with me for making a suggestion, so I got up and left it for him. Before leaving, I handed him the directions and strongly suggested that he read them, from cover to cover.

After a while, Barry called me back to help. I  went willingly. He may be grumpy teddy bear when being told how to do something, but he really just wants a little help and doesn’t know how to ask for it.

I like to think God was working on his heart when he got grumpy and then called me back for help.

The first thing I did was ask if he had read the directions, yet! When he giggled and took the book from me, was God whispering in his ear to listen to his wife?

We worked together for an hour and the table turned out perfect.

Is this where the saying, “third time’s the charm” came from?

First, we tried together.

Second, he got angry and I ran off.

Third, he asked for my help, read the directions and the table is perfect.

God works in mysterious ways! Was He telling Barry to ask his wife for help?