Category Archives: Coping Skills

Another Nephew Moment

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Our Niece and twin Nephews: they are now in their 30's

Our Niece and twin Nephews: they are now in their 30’s

The monkey in this story is the tall blonde to the right. Still Looks just like that. On my 25th birthday, in 1988, I received a phone call from my then 6-year-old brainiac nephew, Daniel. He is now 31.

During the call, the little munchkin pointed out and asked me, “Aunt Jill, do you realize you are a quarter of a century old today?” I explained to him, that yes I did and it was not  polite to point things out like that, especially to ladies. He agreed and said he loved me. then, hung-up.

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Daily Prompt: RSVP: “Princesses for the Day”

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At a birthday party before

At a birthday party before

Plan the ultimate celebration for the person you’re closest to, and tell us about it. Where is it? Who’s there? What’s served? What happens?

The person I am closest to is of course my husband, Barry. Although Barry deserves a huge celebration, there 2 others in my life that could really use a day to let go and do something crazy. My sisters, Sandy and Kristie, could both use a day of leisure or a day og being “Princesses of the Weekend”.

We would start with packing our bags for the weekend, loading in the car, and checking into the local hotel at the winery near our home.

The day we check in, we will take trail rides and have supper by the lake,  picnic style. We’ll roast marshmallows over the fire and head back to the hotel just before dark.

After a nice long sleep, we slept late and missed breakfast. We had appointments for mani/pedi’s at 2pm. Facials at 3:30pm, then finish the spa day off with a full body massage. Supper served in our room at 7pm.

We rushed to our rooms to prepare for supper. We had pre-ordered the lobster dinners with house salads, with crème brûlée for dessert. I, personally, was starving.

Over dinner, the three of us talked about our lives and families and discussed where we would like to be in 10 years. Each of us verbalized being happy where we are and only had a few things we would change about our lives. Nothing big, just minor little nothings like being healthier, relaxing more,  and more time with our families.

All together, we wished we could work it out to spend more time together and have more time for ourselves when at home. Our families keep each of us terribly busy. Kristie is raising 2 boys and doing a great job. She is also job-hunting, since obtaining her teaching degree. In her spare time, she takes care of our father, he lives next door to her.

Sandy works more hours than humanly possible at her church, but I admire her dedication.When she gets home, she takes care of her home and disabled husband.

Then myself, I’m retired and stay at home. Our mother lives with Barry and I. She can no longer live alone. Barry had a massive stroke in 2011, There are days when he and I takes turns being the clearest head in the house. Barry has a few minor issues from the stroke that he is learning to manage. We research and study my disease daily. It is sad to go see a doctor and know more about the disease you have than the doctor does.  It is truly sad, but that is how rare diseases are.

Sandy, Kristie and I got along wonderfully,  We had a wonderful time and hated to leave. After lunch, we had to pack up and head home. We made a vow to do this again and spend more time together as we headed out.

I chose to write this post over a post about Barry and I. The celebration I would have with Barry would be entirely private and not to be shared with the WordPress world. I like to keep those moments between Barry and I.

Jill and Barry Baynes

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A Trip to Pizza Hut with my Young Niece and Nephews

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Our Niece and twin Nephews: they are now in their 30's

Our Niece and twin Nephews: they are now in their 30’s

Once upon a hot Summer’s day, I was babysitting for my oldest sister. She and her husband seldom got time to themselves with twin boys and a daughter 15 months younger. I lived in town and got to spend a lot of time with the kids as they grew up.

Long-time/former Pizza Hut logo (1967–1999). M...

My sister used to tell people she found my first husband for me, so she would have a babysitter close by. She expected us to last a little longer than we did, I guess. Sorry, sis, that match just was not meant to be. I found my soul-mate, when her babies were in college starting their own lives. My soul-mate has just assimilated right into the family. Everyone is crazy about him!

At a birthday party before

At a birthday party

Back to the kids and Pizza Hut. We took them out to have supper at Pizza Hut (the only Pizza Place in town). The small town we lived in stuck in the 19th Century, could be hard to live in. Not a lot of change and if you advocated for a change, you were an outsider. Hey, the Pizza was great!

My niece and I sat on one side of the booth and my ex and the boys sat on the other side. When we had the kids, it was a constant men versus women battle, The topic of this dinner was quite interesting.

Pizza Hut Meat Lover's pizz

Pizza Hut Meat Lover’s pizza (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I’m not sure exactly how the conversation started, but my niece (standing in her bench seat with her hands on her hips) told the boys that “women didn’t have to eat out, because we could cook at home”. One of her brother’s was a care-free little guy and didn’t care about anything. The other little guy was where she got her response. He was the sweet little twin, that was smart as a whip the minute he started talking. There are times today that I have to ask him to repeat things on my level.

He stood up on the bench at the table, looked at my ex and his brother to get their attention. He then turned to my niece and I then proudly  stated, “Well, we are men. We don’t have to eat out all the time. We can make sandwiches!”

Photo display leading to my wonderful news

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Received wonderful news, Margins are clear….now off to Radiation Oncologist to discuss treatment! Thanks for the prayers and support!

Writing through Cancer for week of June 2, 2013: Hope is a thing with feathers!

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This is a continuation of our post earlier this week:

That sweet little boy at the Birthday Party, looking and hoping he could find more presents hidden within the gift wrap piled on the floor. He was frantically searching; he was positive, he would find one more present. he was showing he had total faith in his situation. His thoughts alive with the feeling of hope.  He just knew he would find one more present. So adorable searching.

Before we had wrapping paper all over the house, we got a bag and played gift wrap basketball. Making a game out of the cleanup, let him see there were no more presents. he was able to focus on the gifts he received and the house full of people who came to celebrate with him and his sister.

Hope covers many aspects of  our lives.Dealing with a serious illness brings hope into your life in several ways. you hope the illness will not get bad, you hope to live through whatever illness you are going through, you hope your families will be there for you and not change their minds as you get worse, you hope the people you have called friends for years will be there when you need them.

There is so much hope involved in illnesses. It is hard to deal with hope, when you are fighting so hard to stay healthy and you find yourself surrounded by people you cannot count on. You need to remember that God is always there. Giving your troubles and burdens to God must be done with total faith, then we can continue our walk in life with the assurance that when trouble comes; we know God is there and that whatever the new trouble is,God is never surprised, for He is with you.

Therefore will not we fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains be carried into the middle of the sea. If your faith is not strong, we lose hope and start looking for a quick fix.

Psalm 46:1-God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble

Psalm 31:24-Be of good courage, and he shall strengthen your heart, all ye that hope in the Lord

Psalm 33:18-Behold, the eye of the Lord is upon them that fear him, upon them that hope in his mercy;

Psalm 33:22-Let thy mercy, O Lord, be upon us, according as we hope in thee.

Psalm 38:15-For in thee, O Lord, do I hope: thou wilt hear, O Lord my God.

                 King James Version (KJV)     

It is that faith,  is our Hope and knowledge that God knows when we are on this rocky bumpy road, and holding that faith is when God puts his loving arms around us and smooths out the road ahead.

Though we may never know the why, but really do we need to know, because this is where we gain Wisdom as we talk to God and, no matter what comes our way, you know God will see you through it.

Through my illness, I have struggled with worry, stress, and anything else that made me worry. It wasn’t until I started praying for hope, mercy and understanding that I was able to but my health in God’s hands. I recently went through a breast cancer ordeal that I had no worries about I knew it would be ok. God was doing the hard work for me.

I am currently struggling with another issue. I am handing it over to the good Lord tonight hoping he can lead me in the right direction with re-motivating my partner in crime, I’m wearing my husband out. Barry suffered a stroke a few years ago and is doing wonderful, but he’s worn out. I need to see what I can do to give him a break. We both need a break, but that will have to wait a little longer. I do not know what I would do without him.

One day at a time!

Another Mom moment….Love ’em

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While mowing the grass yesterday,  I was unable to make a sharp turn and I think I hit Mom’s pineapple tree she is attempting to grow in our Georgia red clay!

While discussing that I may have hit it with her, she appeared a little sleepy. I was attempting to apologize, when Mom looked at me funny. I asked what was wrong and she asked me why I was in her refrigerator with the lawnmower. Then proceeded tomtell me to leave her pineapple alone. She told me she was trying to grow her own, but it might take awhile.

It was like the light bulb over her head turned on and shebstarted lsughing. She then asked where thst came from and requested we get her home quick. She said she needed to nap badly. Two minutes later, she was sound asleep.

I just love that goofy women!

Jill and Barry Baynes

Coco, our lastest housemember

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Coco is an adorable little Tabby cat, we got for mom at Mother’s Day. Something for her to take care of and keep her company. It was working great, so far.  Thst is ifnpoor Coco csn durvive mom’s memory.

She is constsntly locking her in closets and other rooms. She is becoming a pro at finding open doors, so mom spends a large majority of her day looking for that sweet little kitty. Mom spends the rest of the day trying to kerp our boxer from chasing her kitty around the house. Maggie thinks Coco is playing or Coco thinks Maggie is playing, but they make quite a ruckus.

I think they will eventually get along. It is just taking time.  Mom thinks Coco talks to her. She says “Hello” and “I love you”. Bsrry andnI are yet to eitness these feats, but who knows. Barry lives csts, so he is enjoying her being around.

Jill and Barry Baynes

Round 2

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We go tomorrow to get lab results from the second surgery. I’m praying there will be clean margins, if not she csn tell me she can do the mastectomy and chemo/radiation will handle the rest.

Haven’t slept well lately, I’m off to bed to see if I can get some rest. I’ll post news ehen I have it. No news is good newd in my book. Sweet dreams all!

Jill and Barry Baynes

Just Write: Loss

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Loss comes in many forms, when you least expect it.
It can mean anything from a loved one to body process, like speech. Loss hurts.

My brain tumor has left my voice weak and I have a lot of trouble speaking. When I have something to say, I feel like I am pushing words out and I can be loud.  I cannot help it. I truly cannot help it, nothing hurts more than having people talk over you.

One thing I have learned since becoming disabled, is people are rude. No one has respect for anyone. What has happened to civility?

People do not listen if you have a speech impediment. They automatically discount you as a person, the minute they realize you have a problem. They take what they think you are saying and go with that, even when they have it totally wrong.

It hurts worse when it is those close to you. The pain is worse when someone you love cuts you off mid-sentence without attempting to hear what you have to say. I actually fired someone for insubordinance when they made fun of my voice. It was at a time when Intruly needed the help, but I wasn’t putting up with that type of behavior.

I feel childish complaining. Barry had a stroke in 2011 and mom is in the beginning stages of dementia. In a house full of brain injuries and so many losses, do I have the right to be upset? When I need help with a phone call, should I be given flack or help with a call?

I am becoming used to being disabled, but this part is getting worse and I am struggling with how to handle my home situation!

We live a quiet life at home, not a lot of noise. Noise bothers all of us.

I’m 47 yesrs olf living like a 80 year old. Maybe it will help down the road.

Jill and Barry Baynes