A Day of Reflection



Today has been busy, but when I got to where I could relax, I did a lot of thinking. It isn’t often that I have myself, much less make time for reflection. 

Mom and I spent the afternoon at the ladies Christmas party at church. I participated in the While Elephant Game for the first time ever. That is actually incredibly amusing. We had the best time, but I have to admit I’m feeling a little guilty. The Pastor’s wife stole my first gift from me, so when I had an opportunity, I took it back. It was so pretty…….

For a physically disabled woman, I have a lot on my plate. Together Barry and I deal with way to many issues for any sane human being, much less two people with our health issues. Barry is still recovery from a stroke and has not been declared stable yet. I, of course, continue to deal with the remnants of a brain tumor, the complications which developed from the partial removal of my gangliocytoma and the further/future effects, that the genetic disease, I have to deal with as they come up over the rest of my life.

I ask doctors about my life expectancy, and no one can answer my question. With the possible serious health problems, that can arise, from Cowden’s Disease my life is literally in God’s hands. I always said I enjoyed holding positions that made every day different. It kept the job interesting. I never dreamed my job philosophy would role over into my life. 

My experience as a nurse has definitely made managing my aging mother’s care, helping my husband cope with his health issues and with my health issues. Coping is a huge part of dealing and accepting a serious illness.  

I wouldn’t call my coping skills good, but they have gotten me this far, of course that is with a little pharmacological assistance from my multitude of physicians. I dealt with my emotions, illnesses and life in general, after brain surgery before needing help. Ironically enough, it was the new Chipmunks movie that was my undoing. While at the theater with my sister and nephews, I started blubbering at a sweet moment involving Theodore, and couldn’t stop crying. I continue to avoid extremely mushy moments or overly gross moments on television or at the movies. I’ll be a crying mess for hours.

I try to stay busy. Barry and I have found a church home that we enjoy. We stay busy there, with whatever they will let us do. I try to stay active. When I left rehab, they told me to keep moving. That one statement has helped me through more tough times than you will ever know. When I feel bad, I add a little time to my exercise for the day. Improving my strength keeps my body more stable and it functions better. My stamina for, daily life,  is better when my exercise regimen is weekly. Otherwise, one small trip out of the house will have me in bed the remainder of the day and pooped for the next 3-4 days.

One thing I have learned, is to listen to my body. I never did this before. I let little aches and pains go by without attention. My primary care physician told me, 10 years ago, she thought I had a brain tumor and ordered a CAT Scan. I thought she was nuts and didn’t go. 10 years later, here I sit. Having lived through a nightmare that came close to taking my life.

Barry went totally out of his comfort zone with our new puppy dog for me. He had German Shepherds for years. I grew-up with Boxer Bulldogs. We picked out the sweetest, white-footed Boxer with the classic Boxer wag. She is simply gorgeous and incredibly smart. She loves Barry, actually waits by the door for him to get home. It is so sweet. She has stopped me from burning the house down a few times. When I’m home alone, she follows me everywhere. I think she actually knows when my bad days are. She has actually gotten in my lap and refused to move on really bad days. She even checks on my mother. She is a sweetheart.

I learned a long time ago that God isn’t finished with me yet. He’ll show me his plan as he is ready. For all I know, I’m in the middle of His plan as I type. Not my place to question, just live my life through Him. If I had followed through with my PCP ten years ago, I would not have met Barry and be where I am today. I love my new life with Barry and wouldn’t change a thing. We are enjoying rediscovering our Christian life together, as well as falling in love all over again. How often do you get to fall in love with your soul-mate all over again?