Why?

Posted on 12/27/2012 by gegebearbear

When I first had brain surgery, my family and friends were incredibly supportive, until I started getting better and it was becoming obvious that I was disabled.

Most of my family has been behind me through everything. Others have had trouble dealing with the “New Me”. I had trouble dealing with it for a while. I think I cried for 2 years at some part after the surgery.

Slowly, one by one “so-called friends” quit calling. My family changed slower. Mom, God bless her, still looks at me today as if it will be the last time she ever sees me. We have had a few rough moments, but she is still hanging in there with me.

Another relative has chosen to act like I don’t exist. I wish I could figure out how to settle this with them, but nothing seems to work. They claim there attitude toward me has not changed, when it so obviously has.

They do not call like they used too, when I call they act annoyed and are extremely short on the phone, When we are around each other, they are snappy and act annoyed when they cannot understand my voice, something I cannot help.

I am just at a loss. Everyone else is absolutely wonderful, and to my knowledge, other than have brain surgery, I’ve done nothing.

I know I am not the one with the problem and I pray for them regularly. Am I asking for the right things when I pray? Am I praying correctly? Should I approach this person and talk it out or pray with them?

What is it that makes people do this? I’m still me. The old me is in this body screaming to get out. I hate the way I am. But I can’t do anything about it. I just do not know.

To my family that has been fabulous, THANK YOU! I love all of you, dearly! Even the one having trouble. We are family. To my husband, my love, my soul-mate, DOUBLE THANK YOU WITH KISSES ON TOP! I would not be here if it weren’t for you!!!!!!

Ohmy, what is wrong with me!

Posted on 12/27/2012 by gegebearbear

I’ve just about had it.

Where do I sign up for a full body transplant? If they were doing those, I’d be the first one in line. I’d even keep my screwed up brain if my body would act right or should I be looking for the brain transplant line? That might be just the fix I need!

Something is going on and I cannot figure it out. I feel okay, not sick…..my energy level is just in the toilet. I think it is about to the point of being in the septic tank. I just cannot shake it.

As a nurse, I have told tons of people to listen to their bodies, they will usually tell you what they need. But what does my body need? It is telling me to do nothing but sleep.

Since the brain surgery, I’ve had a little trouble telling when I’m sick or getting sick. It’s hard to explain, but I have gone to the doctor feeling fine, for a check up or something to find out I have a raging fever. Usually ends up being bronchitis or a sinus infection.

The only issue I have had lately was a medication side effect. They took me off the medicine and the problem is going away. If I get to feeling bad, I’ll get Barry to take me to the ER, but I hate the thought of that dreadful place.

I have no headache, my neck is sore, but it is from the brain tumor pressing into nerves. I’ve been keeping up with all my check-ups and I take all of my medication as prescribed. I’ll just stay hydrated and take it easy through the holiday.

Although I do need to open the cookie factory for a while tomorrow. I may have to find a couple of recruits that will work cheap. There are two others around here that can be quite handy. I’ll stop rambling now. Going back to sleep. Night all!

Brain Tumor Issues Again!

Posted on 12/27/2012 by gegebearbear

Addendum: I am re-posting this for BrainTumorThursday. We are not going to be home for me to participate tomorrow, but I was hoping someone might have a clue as to what could be going on with me. It has been almost a week and I feel no better at all. Can’t get a doctor on the phone till tomorrow. I have since started retaining fluid all over my body. I do not eat salt, but I currently am carrying around over 10 extra pounds than I was a week ago. It happened over night. My wrists are even swollen.

I’m a little terrified at the moment. I feel extremely tired, my eyes have not wanted to focus most of the day, my balance has been non-existent today and getting up just to the bathroom is difficult.

Of course things like this always happen over a weekend when there is not a doctor to be found or on the beginning day of the biggest holiday weekend of the year. I prefer to actually speak to a doctor that actually knows me.

When my eyes act up, I cannot shake the fear of losing my eyesight. I have resigned myself to the fact that my wheelchair will replace my legs as my mode of transportation eventually.

If that is God’s plan, I’ll live my life the best I can and learn to love the “New Me”. I work on my eyes daily, but it doesn’t appear to help like it used to. Again, if this is part of the “New Me”, I’ll figure out my independence and take one day at a time.

I love Christmas, I refuse to get sick!

sleeping santa Hopefully, my body is still telling me I need more rest. Getting out of the house for anything for the next week will not only be stressful, getting home quickly will be impossible and the holidays brings the crazy out in some people. You just never know what might happen. Since I appear not to have caught up with myself, yet….maybe I should do a little more than just kick my feet up in my favorite chair!

I need to get my exercise routine started again in the morning. If I have the exercise1 strength tomorrow, I’ll work that into our day. Keeping my body strong appears to keep my energy level up. If Barry is up to it, I’ll drag him to gym. It will not hurt either of us. Maybe trying to exercise will make me feel better, than attempting to rest. Not sure if the gym will be open tomorrow. If so, hopefully the “Rowdy Roosters” will still be in the hen-house. Sharing the gym with them can be a challenge.