Why?

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When I first had brain surgery, my family and friends were incredibly supportive, until I started getting better and it was becoming obvious that I was disabled.

Most of my family has been behind me through everything. Others have had trouble dealing with the “New Me”.  I had trouble dealing with it for a while. I think I cried for 2 years at some part after the surgery.

Slowly, one by one “so-called friends” quit calling. My family changed slower. Mom, God bless her, still looks at me today as if it will be the last time she ever sees me. We have had a few rough moments, but she is still hanging in there with me.

Another relative has chosen to act like I don’t exist. I wish I could figure out how to settle this with them, but nothing seems to work. They claim there attitude toward me has not changed, when it so obviously has.

They do not call like they used too, when I call they act annoyed and are extremely short on the phone, When we are around each other, they are snappy and act annoyed when they cannot understand my voice, something I cannot help.

I am just at a loss. Everyone else is absolutely wonderful, and to my knowledge, other than have brain surgery, I’ve done nothing.

I know I am not the one with the problem and I pray for them regularly. Am I asking for the right things when I pray? Am I praying correctly? Should I approach this person and talk it out or pray with them?

What is it that makes people do this? I’m still me. The old me is in this body screaming to get out. I hate the way I am. But I can’t do anything about it. I just do not know.

To my family that has been fabulous, THANK YOU! I love all of you, dearly! Even the one having trouble. We are family. To my husband, my love, my soul-mate, DOUBLE THANK YOU WITH KISSES ON TOP! I would not be here if it weren’t for you!!!!!!

7 thoughts on “Why?”

  1. Gooseyanne has made an excellent comment above. I’m so sorry you’re going through this, Jill. When I had a 14 month period of dealing with a tumor that was in my foot, I was shocked at the friends who were closest in location who ignored me. I told one of them later how I felt and that was the end of our “friendship.” It still confuses me why she thought it was ok to completely ignore me all that time when she lived down the street and then to get mad when I told her how hurt I was. Maybe by writing pieces like what you wrote here, it will encourage others who are wimpy around illness to start re-arranging their thinking and their actions. In another longish illness and surgery I had one “friend” kept all my coworkers and friends at work at bay by telling them I wanted to be left alone. NO, I did not. Maybe that is what she would want, but not me. xoxo Luanne

    • I’ve had a similar situation, Luanne…..I used to think I was a good judge of character and good intuition about people and then I got sick. Thanks for your sweet response!

      • That’s exactly–that’s when you can really tell as the ones who through are the tried and true!

  2. Some people cannot cope with illness or disability and, sad though it is,.you may have to accept that. I think the reason is that by coming into contact they fear it may happen to them. In the animal world any one of a species that is `different` is hounded, pursued and killed. My next door neighbour, who is a dear, didn`t come anywhere near me when I had my cancer – no offer to help or shopping etc. I said to George that I thought she was frightened it may be catching! After feelings of resentment at her attitude I came to accept that was how she was – the relationship has returned to normal now I am better! Don`t torture yourself just relish those with whom you feel loved and comfortable.

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